Have you ever been so frustrated with someone or something that you are momentarily filled with rage, anger, and even hatred? The moment may be brief but it�s there if only for a second.
You wish you could hit a wall or throw your phone, anything to release this hatred that has swelled within you, but for the most part we are unable to do these things. We try and just set back and remain calm, take deep breaths and tell ourselves that it really does not matter and that we should not even care (yeah like that works). We push the emotion down inside, burry it try, to ignore it, but its always-there just waiting for the chance to peek its head out again.
So how should we deal with these emotions when they present themselves? How should we fight back the urges of violence and suppress the feelings that sometime overwhelm us at moments. Sometimes I find myself asking if I should be feeling this way at all, is it wrong to even feel this way or just when we act on the emotions. Acting out the violence I know is wrong and I have never nor will I ever do it, but sometimes I find myself looking down on even feeling hatred for a person, and for God sakes what would throwing my phone or hitting a wall accomplish.
Peoples action are a strange thing, and peoples emotions are even stranger and I can never hope to understand why a person does the things they do or say the things they say, but I can hope to understand why I feel the way I do when these emotions come up.
I find myself searching for these answers now. Looking for the reason that I can be so consumed with what decision another person make that I myself feel that I have made a decision. Self inflict is my pain, kind of dumb really. I choose if I care about the persons action of decisions so why not choose to not care, too tell you the truth if I could I wouldn�t care about anyone I know at this time because to care about some of them is just to painful.
Love I think is what brings most of these emotions out in people, or at least infatuation with them. Lose, we wont something so bad, and when we see that we will never have it inflames us with hatred for anything or anyone who does get it in the end. So these feelings are wrong, because they are based on jealousy. Jealousy how such a little thing can get under our skin and rule us is beyond me but it does. Jealousy of not having something, or of some one who has something you feel you will never achieve.
I think that�s just one reason though that we feel these emotions some times, I think the other is genuine care for the person or thing. You don�t want to see the person for example make the wrong decision or do the wrong thing, because to see them unhappy would make you unhappy. I have been told that to care so much about a person that you would sacrifice yourself is wrong, but I cannot see it that way. Caring about a person cannot be wrong, it can go to far, and become passive and more of a control factor though.
You have to keep a balance of caring but not losing yourself to the caring, do not care so much that your life becomes empty, because then your weak and people can sense that and it is human nature to leave the week behind. I have gotten left behind a lot, and now I find myself trying to act the cool guy roll more, people seem to be impressed by the lack or caring for others these days.
Its hard for me to leave behind what I was taught as a child because our society deems that it is not write anymore, that it is better to not care or to only care to a point. A parent love a child so much that they would give up all that they are to protect them and this is not wrong. A parent does not play the cool guy roll so why should we. Lack of care will be the downfall of society, but hey at least we will all go down being cool.
So now that I know why we feel the way we do, how should I go about solving my original question of how to deal with the feeling when they come up. I am not sure, I guess knowing why you feel a way and not feeling that way anymore are two different things. I don�t think I will ever really lose the caring I have for some people, but I do think that I will learn to get past the controlling factor it can have over me, and in a way beat the emotions of rage that I sometimes feel.
I am lost in knowing if I am the only one who is this way or if everyone feels like this sometimes. I do think that its normal though, I mean how are we supposed to stop ourselves from caring. You can never change you hearts mind, or lose the feelings of love, they will always be there in some way or another, and in the end they will only make you stronger.
