Misc. Jokes (Sorry if they offend anybody..they weren't meant to..)


That Damn Cat

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day
by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.
As we was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking
the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.
At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then
left, past the bridge, then right again and another right
and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance
from his home and he left the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"





10 Blondes & A Brunette

There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from an airplane.
Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.
They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, the
rope would break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off."
After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all
of the blondes started clapping.
Problem solved.





First Date

It was their first date, and she'd shown the
patience of a saint as he babbled on and on
about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his driving
techniques, and even the standards he used to
choose his barber.
Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough
about me. Let's talk about you."
She breathed a sigh of relief.
He went on, "What do you think about me?"





Why aren't you married?

A friend asked a gentleman why he never married?
Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never
met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for
the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have
met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the
one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever
met. She was just the right everything... I
really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."
"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.
"She was looking for the perfect man."




I will add more when I get a chance.

Mandy'z Muzic