Ten signs that you are too damn FAT

10. Whenever you go for a run, you hear clapping, but no one's around.
9. Scales tell you "one at a time please".
8. All you can eat buffets have your picture with a warning sign on them.
7. There are more than one Japanese films that pit you with Godzilla.
6. People can't insult you behind you back unless they have a full tank of gas.
5. Your basement doubles as a slaughter house.
4. Countless lives were lost because of an incident where you sat on the top bleachers at a
hockey game.
3. You bleed gravy.
2. All of the employees at KFC thanked you for putting their kids through college.
1. Every time you diet it throws the earth off its axis and alters the gravitational pull.

"Ten things..." is a Copyright of Peter J. Duquette, so if you print, copy or take this document, make sure to include this last line to confirm that you aren't trying to claim it as your own.