Ten Things you never want to hear a commercial airline pilot say...

10. Landing gear? I've never used that before.
9. Dammit! I can't hold my beer and fly at the same time.
8. What's a mountain goat doing way up here?!
7. Over the PA: Attention passengers, if you see a seeing-eye dog, please direct him to the cockpit.
6. Over the PA: Oh Candy... that's it... Oops, the intercom is on.
5. Over the PA: Attention passengers: I am a raving lunatic that has the pilot locked in my basement.
4. What do you mean "I'm supposed to be in the cockpit?!"
3. THERE IS SOMETHING ON THE WING!
2. Okay now... where is the "Go" button?
1. Those were some killer 'shrooms, co-pilot dude!

"Ten things..." is a Copyright of Peter J. Duquette, so if you print, copy or take this document, make sure to include this last line to confirm that you aren't trying to claim it as your own.