I remember what they taught to me
Remember condescending talk of who it ought to be
Remember listening to all of that and this again
So I pretended up a person who was fitting in
And now you think this person really is me and
I'm trying to fill the truth
The more I push the more I'm pulling away
'Cause I'm lying my way from you

He didn’t know if he would fit in back home … Contrary to what people thought of him he could have emotions, and yet … he was scared.
Him?
It made no sense for him to be scared. He knew where his job lied, and yet … there was that nagging doubt in his subconscious that made him think otherwise. He had creeped people out on first impression many times, and although he appeared to like this discomfort it caused them, he never showed his hurt. Sure, it was not much, but over the many years of his existence it tended to build up. It was only when the barrier of war that had blinded him from many of his emotions was he free to see the damage this had done. Although he lived with his cassettes and had formed many friendships over the past ten years, that hurt still remained.
And because he had a clear mind now, he could really see what Megatron needed as well, and also what he had done to Starscream over the years.
The seeker, he had noted, had undergone a rapid change. He was not very low on self esteem as he was, and seemed to be growing more and more kind and the person he was almost six million years ago. He also seemed to be evolving into a being with a strong like to make things right in life. It made no sense to Soundwave why Starscream would be like this, but he had a feeling that it was to do with the events of ten years ago, and how the red seeker had changed rapidly in a short space of time. It was like the old words of wisdom about evolution; it goes slow, but every century it leaps forward.
Maybe that was how it was with Starscream.
And Megatron? He had suffered. Badly.
Soundwave was aware of a saying he had learned back on Earth; ‘what goes around, comes around’. He thought it was very true in Megatron’s case, for he had been stuck in that place for a decade of time with no company save old bitter warriors and the occasional stop by he. Starscream had never had the courage to visit until now, and Megatron understood why. But unlike Soundwave’s first thoughts about how he would react, Megatron was depressed about it. He had expected the Ex-leader of the Decepticons to be glad the seeker had gone, but then he realised that the events in that cave ten years ago had also left a mark on him.
He had never seen that before, until now.
But he was fairly content with his life now. Aside from occasional visits to Megatron and his chats with old members of the Decepticon army, he continued his life as a communications officer to the outer planets and explorers. He enjoyed the job, that was true, and he knew it was where he belonged. Sounds were his life.
It had been odd how much he had in common with Starscream now he was free from the war. He knew the seeker had been mindless with jealousy about his relationship with Megatron, but now the war was gone, and he was friends with the great leader, things had changed between them. Although they were a bit shaky in some areas, they were still good friends now.
He wondered if this peace had done more harm than good in some areas.
Entering in a bunch of codes into his terminal, he looked at them. The Black Hacker, as he was sometimes known, but some only knew him by his handle, ‘Silent_death’. He remembered Skywarp asking him about it, and why he liked to hack into systems.
He said it was because he was good at it. It made him feel good.
Soundwave knew what was wrong with Megatron, and he also knew that he would never admit it either, or understand what it was he needed until the time was right.
He needed love.
It sounded stupid, ironic, and ridiculous, but he remembered a long time ago that Megatron had confessed to him about loneliness, and how alone he felt. Of course, not all the words had been outwardly spoken, but the hacker had read Megatron’s mind. He could never go far into it, due to mental barriers, but because the subject had been at the front of his mind at the time, it was easier to pick up. The inner message was there, either way: I need someone by my side … and that person … I …
He didn’t know who to trust.
It was very hard for Megatron to ever trust anyone, due to his rank. Soundwave and Shockwave were one of the few- very, very few –which he would admit to trusting beyond the level of friendship, but he also knew that both had no interest in companionship. This depressed him, now that his mind was clear.
So who would be able to give him what he seeked so hungrily?
Soundwave did not know the answer to this. But if he were to guess right, and the chain of events in his mind occurred, he could well know who he would end up with …
“Shift’s up, Soundwave.”
The silent blue transformer looked up, trying not to look like he had been startled slightly. His boss, Sonic, was a kind transformer but stern, and he hated to see workers overwork themselves. White with silver-green highlights and tints of black, he turned into a Cybertronic satellite which was very advanced. He was a neutral, as most bosses were, so that he could not pick favourites by former fraction.
After that, Soundwave headed back home. He had had a busy day, but was not expecting someone to be waiting for him when he flew onto his landing patch.
“Starscream?” Soundwave said, surprise tinting his normally monotone voice. “What are you doing here? And at this time?”
Although it was sunset now, not many mechs went around to other units without a real reason. Walking down dark alleys was dangerous, even with the truce. There were many criminals around still.
“I needed to talk to you …” he appeared nervous,” About some things.”
“Okay.” Soundwave replied, and let him inside and then followed soon after.

Soundwave’s house was mostly greens and blues, with black here and there and silver to balance it out. It was a nice combination, and Starscream appreciated the feeling of serenity it brought.
Just then, Rumble and Frenzy came running out, closely followed by Ravage.
“Heya boss!” Rumble called with a grin. He wasn’t surprised to see Starscream there, for he had visited on odd occasions beforehand. They had also seen him arrive moments before the cassette deck himself had.
“Welcome back!” Frenzy smirked, and then turned to the red tetra jet watching him.
“Hey Screamer! Sanity hanging in there?” He snickered.
“Not if you set me off again,” He said with a smirk and a wink. Frenzy laughed, and the three cassettes went off to one of Soundwave’s many computers to play a game.
The jet shook his head in amusement, and then followed Soundwave to the ‘lounge room’. All this consisted of were a few mismatched chairs, a table and a large TV, but it was not like a human’s lounge in a way. It had a strange alien quality to it that could not be explained in the Earthling tongue.
“So what was it you needed to know?” Soundwave asked, getting to the point straight away.
“It’s about Megatron …” He said, his gaze diverted to stare at a curious instrument on the table. “When you talked to him on your own … did … did he ever say much about me?”
“Apart from insults? Not really.” Soundwave replied, seating himself on one of his chairs. Starscream sat in another chair, hands clasped in front of him.
“Except …”
The seeker looked up, “what?”
Soundwave sighed. “I’m not sure, so I won’t make you too excited too soon in case I am wrong, but Megatron has two views of you, I think. In one he hates you, and wants to kill you. It was his war attitude, but I’ve seen in very brief moments another side of him.”
“And what’s that?”
“Fear.”
“Fear?” Starscream could not believe that. “He never feared anything!”
“Oh yes he does. He feared it so deeply that he was utterly terrified of the mere thought. And he saw it in you when he first met you, so he bet it out of you, or tried to. But he never could, and because of what happened between you and him he realises that now, and that’s partly what made him depressed now.”
Starscream was on the edge of his chair. “And what was that fear?”
Soundwave paused, and then answered. “Love.”
Starscream’s optics widened, and Soundwave continued, “He saw it in you when he first met you. He knew he was dealing with someone that was much different from any warrior he had ever known. In a way, he feared you. I believe this was part of the reason he nearly killed you in your beatings from him, but I can only guess. My ability can only go so far into his mind.”
“Then how do you know all this?” Starscream felt like he was finally getting to the bottom of all that he had longed to know for millions of years.
“Very rarely, Megatron and I sat down in silence for a while, and he would usually confide in me about a few things. One time, he let his guard down enough for me to penetrate his mind past his frontal thoughts. It was about loneliness, and I saw a glimmer of what he feared. And it was love. I don’t think even he realises it, but either way, it may be the only way to help him.”
“Love …” Starscream slowly shook his head. It all made sense. The looks, the rare moments of affection, the one time he had seen fear in Megatron’s optics.
It all made sense.
“He hates me.” Starscream whispered. “And he loves me.”
Soundwave merely stared at him, and Starscream’s head snapped up.
“Are you sure of this?” The tetra jet asked.
“No, I am not.” Soundwave then closed his optics. “But it’s a possibility nonetheless.”

No, no turning back now
I want to be closed inside
So let me go
No, no turning back now
Let me take back my life
I'd rather be all alone
No turning back now
Than anywhere on my own
'Cause I can't see
No, no turning back now
The very worst part of you
Is me

-------------------------------------------------
Song - Linkin Park - Lying from you