“Oh by PRIMUS!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
It was extremely lucky that Astro covered her ears at that exact moment.

They had only gotten up a few hours ago, and after the former transformers had detangled themselves from each other and had a shower; Starscream had been pulled aside by the human girl while Jetfire went out to talk to Optimus. The former seeker, being ignorant as he was about humans, has asked the girl about why he had felt the heat and stiffening sensation when Jetfire had got out of the shower. He also asked why he had felt this way again when he had kissed the other man later on.
Astro’s answer was simple: “Basically, you are sexually attracted to him.”
The result was also simple, which is why the poor girl was rubbing her ears rather painfully as the seeker buried his head.
“Oh I am NEVER going to live this up!” He wailed, voice muffled by his arms.
“Hey! It’s okay!” Astro stroked his wing in an effort to calm him down. “It’s only natural that you’re attracted to him while human if you were as a transformer.”
“B-b-but-“ The former transformer’s head shot up. “I got a …. A-a-an ERRECTION!!!”
Astro promptly covered her ears again as he screamed the word out. As the seeker stressfully ran his fingers though his hair, Astro began speaking again:
“It’s natural, Starscream.” She repeated. “You thought he was hot and got a bit hard over it. By human standards there is nothing wrong with that.”
At least to open people, she thought bitterly.
“But it’s wrong by MY standards!” He cried out, growling.
Astro then sighed, drew back her hand, charged it with a bit of electricity and slapped him in the face.
“OUCH!!!” He shouted, cheek red. “That HURT!”
Normally he wouldn’t have shouted it, but the shock of pain was not normal to him. He could take the girl’s lightning well enough when he was a transformer, but pain simply felt different now that he was human. It stung badly, as he rubbed it, and he glared at her. But it had done the trick. He had been shocked into silence.
“Now,” She said, folding her arms over her chest. “Stop being such an idiot about this. It’s NATURAL, alright? And it’s about time you stop being in denial.”
Starscream growled. “About what?”
“Do you like Jetfire, or not?” She asked straight out.
There was a pause as the ex-seeker froze. There was silence in the room apart from the muffled voices of Optimus and Jetfire outside, and the hum of machinery. The vent cycled air in the room, and there was a buzz of downloading on the computer screen.
Starscream looked at Astro, then to the side, and then down. He knew what his answer was, but knowing it and admitting it were two different stories. He did like Jetfire, a great deal, but there was something in his mind holding him back. Fear of rejection? He didn’t fear. Fear just was not an emotion he felt at all. But now … he felt something inside him … was it a deep fear?
But I DON’T fear …He thought, split in two. I don’t …
Jetfire was his view of perfection. To him, the shuttle was everything he wanted to be in the back of his mind. Everything that he could have been, had things been different. Everything anyone could want in a person. Although to an outsider his thoughts would be wrong, as no one was perfect and Jetfire definitely had his faults … but to Starscream, he felt that the white Autobot was too good for him.
Too good for someone like me …a monster like me … He sighed.
He was not aware that Astro had been watching his face the whole time. She was shocked at the raw sadness that was on his face, though he was not aware at all of it. As he sighed, he looked at his lap and mumbled out. “Yes.”
Astro’s expression softened, and she came over to him and tilted his chin up so he faced her. Starscream looked surprised, like he had not noticed she was there, and blinked. “What?”
“Why are you sad?” She asked, and Starscream instantly scowled. “I’m not.”
The girl then sighed. “It’s no wonder you anger people. You can’t tell the truth.”
“I can so!” Starscream said, glaring. Just a little of it.
Astro shook her head. “No, you can’t. If you could tell me the truth then you wouldn’t have told me you weren’t sad.”
The ex-seeker grit his teeth, but then looked down. After a moment, he muttered out, “Why should I tell you anything?”
“Because I’m your friend, Starscream.” She said solemnly and with a touch of weariness. “And friends are there for one another, not to be shoved aside when they know the other is not well, be it physically or emotionally.”
Starscream shook his head. “You shouldn’t meddle in my affairs, Astro. They’ll only hurt you.”
“I’m willing to take that risk.” She answered simply, “I took that risk the moment I met you. The day I became your friend.”
Starscream remained silent for a while, looking at the door. He didn’t know how to reply. Friendship and love were two things he was not used to, in any form. He didn’t have any friends at the Decepticon base, or on Cybertron. Nor did he want any. He was all business, but since he had been at the Autobot base things had changed. He now had two people in his life that were … important to say the least. To say the most, a friend and a potential lover. Such a thing to someone such as Starscream was so sudden and such a change that it was almost alien to him, no matter how he viewed it. But he liked it. He liked having people be nice to him and joke around with, not out of spite. He liked the feeling of sleeping with someone and sharing their warmth. He liked the feeling of playfully teasing Jetfire and getting gently teased back. He liked being able to wrestle with Jetfire, and although he was stronger, they were on near equal grounds. He liked not fearing his emotions so much anymore while in front of Jetfire, and not only that, but having the other being help him sort them though, to tell him things that he had been deprived of in his lonely life. And most of all, both Astro and Jetfire cared about him. The simple caring nature of both of them touched him in a way he had never really known before, apart from his very early days. But even then it was peer to peer relationships, not real friendships. Skywarp was probably the closest thing he had ever had to a friend, and even then the purple seeker wouldn’t have helped him in the way Jetfire did.
But it was not only Jetfire and Astro that had changed his way of life and thinking. The other Autobots; while they still held him with some suspicion, were nice to him in a way the Decepticon army was not. Optimus had welcomed him with open arms, and whenever he had seen the Autobot leader about a completed mission (small ones of course, nothing major), the leader would thank the seeker, pat his wing once and ask if he wanted any more work. The first time Optimus had done this, Starscream had gaped at him like he had never heard praise before. But now, he merely told the leader (as gruffly as he could) that he was fine and would help with the ship or something. Optimus would merely nod and to tell him if he wanted another mission.
That was another thing. Optimus never ordered, as in the same way that Megatron ordered his troupes. Optimus asked, Optimus offered¸ but the seeker had never heard him really bark out orders like Megatron did. Sure, he sometimes got agitated with Hotshot and nearly barked orders at him, but all around, Optimus was plainly nicer.
At first it had thrown Starscream badly, completely, by this fact. He just could not understand a leader that could have a joke with his men yet still retain the respect and command of his warriors. It made no sense to the seeker, but it was a kind of confusion that he was growing to like.
All in all, he had now experienced a world that he had dreamed of when he was very young, forgotten in the joining of the Decepticons, and it had now come back to him at full force. The Autobots were not a perfect team, but they were the closest thing to a family that Starscream had ever seen or been involved in. And while Jetfire was a somewhat different case, he now realised that he was enjoying this new feeling of unity.
Drawing out of his mental shift-though of thoughts, he lightly grinned at Astro, startling her.
“I think I understand.” He said. “But …” He sighed again. “This is something between Jetfire and I, and only he can help me with this. You understand that, right?”
The girl blinked, having been caught off guard, but she then smiled as well.
“I do, you only needed to say.” She chuckled.
Starscream merely shook his head, but the small grin on his face remained.

“And the road goes ever on and on … down from the door where it began … now far ahead the road has gone …”

Both heads turned as they heard a singing voice from down below. Both crawled over the edge of the bed and looked down to see Jetfire having come back into the room, singing lightly.
“…and I must follow if I can.”
He finished off his little tune, and looked up to see the other humans watching him. “Hey!”
Astro gaped at him. “Primus … Jetfire, where did you learn to sing like that?!”
“Sing?” Jetfire blinked. “No where really. Just like it.”
“You’re amazing at it!” Astro grinned. “You really are!” Jetfire looked politely pleased, and then looked over at Starscream.
“What do you think?” He asked the black head.
“Hmph.” Starscream muttered. “It’s … nice.”
Jetfire smiled then at him, and said, “Well, that’s enough for me!” Starscream flushed lightly at that, growled and looked away. Primus he hated it when Jetfire made him blush …
“Anyway,” Jetfire swiftly hopped up onto Astro’s bed where the other two were sitting. “I’ve been meaning to ask you Astro.”
“What’s that?” The girl inquired.
“How do humans …” He blushed lightly and rubbed his neck. “…get intimate?”
There was a short silence, before Astro went bright red and drew back. “Oh NO. I am NOT giving you a sex education class!”
Jetfire chuckled a little, embarrassed, while Starscream just turned a delicate shade of magenta. The former Autobot watched as Astro glared at him, but didn’t give up.
“Come on Astro, I think it would be a good idea to tell us.” He said. He didn’t understand why she was so embarrassed about ‘sex’ as she called it. Transformers had their own intimacy, but it was not viewed with such embarrassment as sex was to a human. Indeed, it was merely a form of energy transfer to transformers, though there were sensors to make it feel good. It all differed in ways, but the core of it was the same.
The human girl, blushing deeply, then sighed in defeat. She would rather them knowing than trying to figure it out for themselves. That had nightmares all over it.
“Alright.” She began. “For starters, sex between two people is normally done with a male and a female. See, with humans it matters greatly when it comes to gender, where’s with transformers it doesn’t matter at all.”
Jetfire sighed sadly.
“Hold on,” She held up a hand. “There ARE ways for two people of the same gender to have sex … just not in the natural way. For guys … um,”
She could not say it. “GAAAA!!!” She clawed her head as both males drew back in shock. “I can’t explain gay sex to you! Its friggen embarrassing!”
Starscream blinked at that, looked at Jetfire and then back at Astro. “…gay sex?”
She nodded. “That’s what it’s called between two guys … oh man this is embarrassing …” She covered her face. “Okay … just … suck.”
Both men looked blank, before it dawned on them.
“You mean, suck this?” Jetfire pointed between his legs.
Astro, beet red, managed a nod before gibbering about ‘how embarrassing this whole situation was’.
“Uh … huh …” The ex-shuttle murmured out, before looking at Starscream. He was currently just sitting there, redder than even Astro, and slowly looked back at Jetfire. There was a silence as the two men regarded each other, before finally Starscream spoke.
“I … guess that could work …” He said.
“Uh huh.” Jetfire murmured again and nodded.

***

Astro took the two men out again, this time to the city. Both Jetfire and Starscream had found it strange to sit in a vehicle that was once their size and look out the windows, but strangely fascinating. At least for Jetfire it was, but even curious Starscream had to look around a bit. He was used to flying above these buildings that he was now on ground level at, and used to seeing it all in miniature. Now he felt so … small.
Well DUH moron, He thought. That maybe due to the fact you HAVE shrunk?
He mentally slapped himself in the head.
When they got out of the taxi, Astro led them to have a look at the shops and blend in. Jetfire got a few stares, however. While Starscream had copper coloured eyes and could pass as brown, Jetfire had deep gold. They had darkened as he had become human, but they still looked too golden to be natural. Astro had decided to leave it, as there were plenty of strange eye colours due to eye lenses these days anyway.
She entered the chocolate shop and went into giddy mode, buying some sweets for herself. The two males were rather confused about her response to the ‘chocolate’, but the shop keeper, being a friend of hers, asked her,
“Say, who are the boys?” He said. “Friends of yours?”
“Yeah!” Astro paid the man at the counter and grinned. “They were brought up pretty isolated from other people, so I’m just showing them around.”
“I see!” He smiled as well as he watched Starscream bend down and look at a novelty basket, while Jetfire leaned over his shoulder. “Have they ever tried chocolate before?”
“No they haven’t – JASON!” The girl suddenly shouted as Jetfire tried to bite a chocolate. He stopped in mid bite and chuckled nervously.
Astro had elected to give both Starscream and Jetfire human names, if she was going to address them in a public place. She didn’t think that their transformer names would go down too well. So as it was, Jetfire chose Jason, while Starscream chose Scott.
The man at the counter laughed. “I see what you mean. Well since you’re such a regular here, I’ll permit these two to try some chocolate each.”
He bustled around and gathered some treats on a tray, while Astro thanked the man and sat with Starscream and Jetfire at a table. When he was done, be brought out the tray full with chocolates of all kinds. Little samples for them to try.
“Thankyou very much!” The girl said as the two boys examined the tray.
Starscream looked at the dark brown blobs on the tray, and saw they were finely decorated with swirls and lines, sometimes with shades of cream and light brown. He really could not see what the fuss was about, but he took one anyway. Jetfire did the same and put it in his mouth.
He instantly flushed and looked extremely soppy, making a delighted sound. Oh my! This stuff tastes wonderful! I can’t begin to describe this … oh boy!
While Jetfire’s cheeks were a cute shade of pink as he sat there looking dazed, Starscream merely gaped at him. Astro was giggling like no tomorrow, and the ex seeker turned to her.
“If that’s what this stuff does, I’ll pass!” He growled out and placed his treat back on the tray.
Astro, still giggling, smirked at him, “No its not, I think it’s a Je-Jason reaction.”
The smaller man smacked his head and then looked down at the tray, and decided to try one anyway.
As he tasted it, he had to admit he liked it. It had a creamy texture and a sweet taste, but not too strong. He supposed there were many types of chocolate one could get, but this one, milk chocolate as it was called on the label, was nice. He couldn’t help but grin a little.

After a little while, when Astro had spent some cash on more chocolate for the two now chocolate lovers, they went out of the store. Jetfire was still on a giddy high, which Starscream noted with disgust. He whacked Jetfire on the back of the head to snap him out of it, resulting in a shout and a growl from the bigger man. Astro managed to hush him as they got a couple of stares.
Then they passed a homeless man on the streets. He smelt strongly of tobacco and alcohol, and she passed him with a glance of sympathy and a toss of a coin. Jetfire noticed this, and the scent, and walked into step with the girl.
“Hey Astro …” He looked back and then at her, “what’s with that guy? Why is he lying there in the dirt and looking filthy?”
She sighed. “Because he is homeless.”
“And what’s with the stench?” Starscream muttered, in contrast glaring back at the man, who turned away from him.
“That? One is of alcohol. It’s like the human version of heavy energon for you. The other smell was tobacco.”
“What’s that?” Jetfire asked.
“Cigarettes.” Astro snorted. “They are made of this plant called tobacco rolled in paper, then smoked. Although there is hundreds of harmful chemicals also inside them. And the drug called nicotine too. It’s highly addictive, and deadly to your body.”
“Well if it’s so bad,” Starscream said, watching someone walk past with one in their mouth, “Why do people do it?”
“Because the drug nicotine helps calm people down after a stressful day.” Astro sighed bitterly. “And because some people simply don’t care. For others, popularity, for more, it’s simply a dirty habit.”
“Humans are weak.” Starscream snorted back.
“For once Starscream,” Astro looked at him. “I agree with you.”
The ex-seeker looked taken aback by her agreement. He was silent for a moment, before saying, “Why would you agree that your own race is weak?”
“Because it’s the painful truth.” Astro looked at the sky and then back at him. “We are weak. Most people just don’t know how to deal with stress so they turn to things that damage them, also eventually kill them. Drugs … smoking, alcohol, gambling … yep, we are all drawn to the need for power and wealth, and we just don’t give a damn about ourselves in the process. Some do, but for most people, their greed overpowers their judgement about their own health and the planet.”
Starscream found himself thinking of Megatron, and his desire for power, and silently listened on.
“Although some believe that we are on the verge of a new age, where people are starting to think about their health and happiness rather than their cash and their next beer bottle. Who knows? But for now, humans are weak, weak creatures.”
“You make the human race sound so bitter, Astro.” Jetfire spoke up, sounding sad.
The girl merely sighed, shutting her eyes for a moment, before opening them. “I’m not bitter, I’m just honest. It would be a lie to say the human race was the greatest thing ever. And I value the truth more than the effects it would have on others. Painful, but then, shit happens.”
And she left it at that. Jetfire realised then that humans were a lot more complex than even he had supposed. From the look on Starscream’s face as he looked at the ex-seeker, he had come to the same conclusion.
She had entered a shopping centre, looking for some more clothes and some food. She liked to indulge, but there was only so much she allowed herself. However, due to a little mission Starscream had went on a while back, to a diamond mine, she found herself loaded with cash. A series of events led to the finding of a massive diamond (the size of Starscream’s torso) and the construction of a gun for the ship. This also meant that fragments of the clear rock had been gathered by the human girl, and she knew how rare pure diamond was. And so, she now allowed herself the ability to relax with her funds and spend some on the people she cared for. This was why now she brought some clothes, and food that the former transformers liked for each of them. Starscream merely smirked at her, his mind playing along the same lines as hers.
“Still got money from my mission?” He said.
“Plenty of it,” She waved a 50 dollar note in his face, “I thank you transformers for my wealth.”

After the three had got back to base, Starscream spent a great deal of time in thought as, once again, Astro and Jetfire contented themselves to playing games. The white clad human had nearly mauled the shocked human girl after he had found out about how much chocolate she had brought, and wanted some to eat. She warned him not to eat too much at once, but that comment was lost as Jetfire scoffed a whole family sized block in 2 minutes flat.
“That … is … just wrong!” The girl gasped out as Jetfire rubbed his tummy happily.
“Are you sure that stuff doesn’t have that nicotine drug in it too?!” He said.
Astro grinned. “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Starscream merely growled and thought about what had happened that morning, about the … intimacy. He wasn’t sure whether to be disgusted or get hot over the thought … he remembered several occasions where he had had ‘encounters’ with Jetfire, all which ended in an extremely sexual experience that left Starscream withering and exhausted, and waking up the next morning to see himself in Jetfire’s quarters and slapping a hand over his face. He couldn’t help it. One of the first times this happened, Jetfire had been chasing him around until sunset, laughing his head off when he got all flustered and irritated. Then that led to a series of events that started with them talking and ending with Starscream under Jetfire’s body, panting. The second time was when they were in a forest area and the air had seemed right. That time he literally jumped on top of Jetfire and led to the same thing. One would think he was out of his mind, and during the times where he had been lucid enough to sit in his quarters and bash his head against the wall, he was overcome with frustration and embarrassment at the whole situation. And then there was also the fact that he was painfully attracted to Jetfire that added to his frustration. It was a wonder he just didn’t scream his head off, but Jetfire had a way with words, and whenever the seeker had tried to push him away, the white jet always managed to beat him down verbally until the seeker ended up sobbing in his chest from it all. The cycle went on and on, and Starscream wondered when it would end. How it would end …
…would he eventually have to admit how he felt?
He looked over at Jetfire’s back again as he played with Astro, wrestling on the ground. The fact that they were supposed to be bitter enemies … rivals, as well, added to his turmoil. He had been so used to seeing Jetfire on the other side of the battlefield, taking on Thrust and Cyclonus and saving the seeker for last, exchanging insults and mocking looks, that this sudden turn around of emotions was confusing. Now they exchanged smiles and kisses, sometimes arrogant barbs and teasing jokes, sometimes more … a part of him liked this change, but the bigger, Decepticon part of him, his pride, could not allow it. But Jetfire had unconsciously managed to hack all of his mental walls away, leaving him naked of any defence. No matter how hard he pushed away, no matter what he did, Jetfire always managed to shatter all those walls and get inside him in a way no one else had ever done before. Jetfire understood most of his turmoils now, but the most painful one that he had never admitted to Jetfire, and could not allow himself to believe was that he was terrified of his feelings for him. Terrified of being loved by Jetfire, and then later on being left behind in the dust …
In short, Starscream didn’t believe that Jetfire would always be there, and he had no reassurance from Jetfire that the Autobot would be there because he didn’t know Starscream was afraid in the first place. Jetfire did not know that he was hurting from being insecure of his thoughts, something that had never happened to him in his life. Before, he knew where he stood: Second to Megatron, always fighting and slaughtering as Megatron asked, rebelling against orders and getting beaten up afterwards, then retreating, healing, and hating. But he always sought after Megatron’s praise because …
Because I fell in love with him. He sighed bitterly.
But his heart had been wrenched out and torn apart by Megatron’s abrupt hate of him. The warlord had told Starscream himself how much he hated him, and although Starscream thought he had hidden all his emotions, Megatron and seen that deep, deep hurt burning in his optics. The seeker would have lied if he said he didn’t cry himself to sleep those nights.
And now …
I’m terrified of being hurt like that … again. And it was ripping him apart.
But Jetfire was so much more different than Megatron. He had once been wrestling with Jetfire (against his will), and while the white jet had been laughing, Starscream had slapped him, and thought he saw Jetfire looking like Megatron in his anger. But Jetfire had merely got off him and looked ashamed, something that Megatron would not have done. That led to Starscream flying up to the moon base without Jetfire knowing, and seeing the warlord for himself. He got away unharmed, but when he came back and Jetfire had apologised, he had realised that Jetfire was totally different.
He didn’t even compare … Starscream continued to watch him, almost wistfully.
Primus … I … Starscream opened his mouth, and shut it. There’s no use denying it any longer. I’m falling for him …
And it’s killing me.

***

Night time once again fell upon the base like a dark blanket. Astro was busy washing the dishes from their dinner and evening snack, and Jetfire was currently getting changed into his PJ’s. However, Starscream had not moved an inch from his spot on the human girl’s bed, and seemed oblivious to anything around him. His shoulders were hunched, and his wings folded on his back. It was clear he was deep in thought.
Once the girl had finished up, she put all the dishes away in the cupboard and looked over, calling out;
“Starscream! You better get changed!”
The ex seeker barely moved at the call. After a few seconds though, he got up silently and flew up to the recharge berth, getting his PJ’s out and changing. Astro blinked at him curiously, and then shrugged it off. Starscream had to sort this out on his own …

Once she was gone to her house, the lights went out. Jetfire, having been tired out from the day, cleaned his teeth in the bathroom. He was clumsy at it, but it was to be expected. Still, Astro had taught him how to, and he obeyed her. Starscream came in a moment later to do the same thing. The former Autobot glanced over at him for a second, before going back to the task at hand. After a minute, he had finished and drank a glass off water, sighing and wiping his mouth.
Starscream merely paused at the sink when he was done, looking at his reflection. He had never liked the way he looked … he wasn’t handsome by any means to him. And right now, all he could do was sigh, shutting his eyes.
Too much. It’s all too much for me. He opened his eyes again, setting down his glass and going out the door. He looked up to see Jetfire snuggle in their bed, and he flew up also. He stood over Jetfire for a moment as he rolled over onto his stomach and folded his arms, resting his head on them. As he looked, Starscream really thought Jetfire as an archangel, like he had thought while looking at his photo book a while ago.
Primus …He fell to his knees on the mattress, as Jetfire fell into an instant deep sleep. He was snoring softly, eyes shut gently, completely oblivious to the world. And Starscream wondered then how he could just do that in the face of his greatest foe. Feel so at ease so soon …
“If only …” He grit his teeth, trying to bite back a sob. “If only I could be more like you. If only I could change so easily …”
A tear made its way past his forcefully shut eye and trailed down his cheek, and then Starscream couldn’t hold back. He buried his head in his hands and cried, curled over, sobbing his heart out. The confusion, the turmoil, everything he knew was hurting him so much. His wings extended into the air a little bit, arched over and around his body while it trembled.
And then, Jetfire opened his eyes, having not been asleep at all. He had seen the way Starscream had been acting all afternoon, and somehow, he had known that the ex seeker was sad. Slowly, he sat up, the blanket falling off him, and he put a hand on the smaller man’s back. Starscream gasped, eyes opening in shock before then shutting tight, tears still coming out.
“Starscream?” Jetfire whispered, grasping the man by the shoulders and making him sit up. He looked sad to see the other with wet cheeks, looking depressed from whatever ailed him. He gulped as his body shuddered from the tears, and he opened his eyes a bit, looking at his hands gripped in his lap.
“Jetfire …” He couldn’t look at him. “I …”
“Shh …” Jetfire drew him into a hug, arm around his shoulders and one on his back, and Starscream froze for a moment, looking at the folds of silver satin he was flush against. Feeling the warmth of the other being … almost seeing the security he now felt. He punched his pride in the back of his head and curled against Jetfire, in his distress, his warmth and contact felt like heaven to him, as he spilled more tears, making the silver turn to dark grey.
Jetfire watched him, stroking his shoulder and wing joint, before whispering again;
“Why are you crying?”
And the proud ex Decepticon, in years of convincing himself that he could never fear, that he could face anything, now found himself clinging to Jetfire, a burning realisation in his mind. He was Starscream … and he didn’t fear anything, but in his sadness and tears, in the weight of everything that had ever happened between him and the one time rival, he whispered out what he had dreaded would happen.
“Because I’m scared …”
And in that moment, Jetfire looked at the black headed man with some surprise, but deeper realisation himself. He drew Starscream closer, holding tight and burying his head into his shoulder, and in that moment, Starscream let everything go. All his pride and doubt, all his thoughts on himself, and he let out a loud cry of misery and sobbed into Jetfire’s shoulder. He grabbed Jetfire and buried himself into him, and for a few hours, all that could be heard was his sobs, gasps for breath, and Jetfire’s occasional hush.
Inside, the ex-shuttle was shocked at what was happening. He could not comprehend what ailed Starscream to make him cry like this. Was it Megatron? Was it just his fear of fearing? He could only guess what it was now. But he held Starscream as tight as he could; nuzzling his head every so often, even picking up their blanket and wrapping it around him as well as his wings.
“Starscream …” He murmured after nearly two hours. He had finally calmed down enough so all he could hear was a sniffle or a hiccup. Starscream gasped in a breath and turned his head slightly, his swollen eyes half open.
“This …” Jetfire hugged him tighter. “It can’t be from just fear. It can’t be.”
Starscream whimpered then, and grabbed his shoulder with his hand and closed his eyes. His voice was rough from crying so much, and he barely managed to get out a whisper;
“Jetfire …” His fingernails dug into the shirt. “I … I was …”
“What?” The other said after a moment’s silence.
Starscream cringed, before spitting it out, “I was in love with Megatron …”
Jetfire couldn’t help but gasp, his eyes widen. He shouldn’t have been surprised, really, but to hear it was a different matter entirely.
“I couldn’t help it.” Starscream continued in the same hoarse whisper. “He was so perfect, powerful, everything I wanted to be. But … he always hated me. I tried so hard to please him … so hard to gain his favour. But no matter what I did he always treated me like his own personal punching bag …”
Jetfire silently listened to him, and his pity grew. But it was replaced with intense hatred for Megatron for doing this to Starscream, for hurting him so badly that he would cry this hard.
“Primus …”
“He almost raped me at one stage.” The ex-seeker went on. “I told you about that …”
“I remember.”
“My heart … I felt like he had ripped it out with the full on rejection. But I still cant run from him … from that raw power … charisma … everything that he has … and that’s why, when we started to have a …” He couldn’t say it. “You know … I became so scared that the same thing would happen.”
“But I’m not like that!” Jetfire cried out before he could stop himself, and realising he had raised his voice, he repeated it a bit quieter. “I’m not …”
“I know …” Starscream closed his eyes. “But while a small part of me knows it, the larger half is still scared … still afraid …” He clenched his fist, and whispered out; “I’m so weak …”
“You’re not weak …” Jetfire moved his head and kissed his cheek, kissing the tears away. “You just need time … time to change.”
“I wish I could change like you …” Starscream started at the kiss, and turned his head slightly against his shoulder so that he could see Jetfire’s ear. That small touch was so gentle … so warm … He drew back so that he could see his face, and looked up into those gold eyes. He loved Jetfire’s optics as a robot, and he still loved his eyes. Starscream leant against Jetfire’s forehead and sighed, arms around his neck. Jetfire leaned back, looking at Starscream as he closed his eyes, the stains of his tears still wet on his face.
“I wish I could change easily …”
“You need more time than me …” Jetfire brought a hand up and ran it though Starscream’s hair, stroking his head with the tips of his fingers. Starscream looked up and Jetfire and leaned in close, kissing him on the lips. For a moment, they both paused, before Jetfire pushed back against him and held him tighter.
When they broke apart, Starscream looked down at his hands, a tinge of red on his face that didn’t come from the tears of two hours before. Jetfire smiled slightly and lied down on his back, beckoning Starscream down to him.
But the ex-seeker shook his head, and lied down himself. Jetfire caught the hint and climbed on top of him, and Starscream showed a small smile at his co-operation. Jetfire drew the blankets over them and wrapped his arms around Starscream’s body, and for once, Starscream leaned up and met his lips again, holding his back. Pulling the larger man down to him, Starscream deepened the kiss, clinging to Jetfire again. The other responded with some surprise, but soon got into the mood, moving a bit to get more comfortable and kissing deeper. Starscream nipped his lip after a while, a habit he always had of showing he had had enough, and Jetfire broke away, looking at him with a small grin.
“What was that for?” He gently teased.
Starscream merely smiled with a seductive look, and let out a small purr, arching his head back, luring him and not answering his question. As Jetfire sucked on his neck with nips and licks, Starscream shut his eyes and grinned, thinking to himself.
Wouldn’t you like to know … Jets …
He bucked Jetfire off his neck after a minute of playing, and looked into his eyes again, moving his hand slowly along his shoulder.
“You didn’t answer me …” The other said with a smirk.
But Starscream merely purred, eyes half shut, and placed a finger over his lips. “And I’m not planning to.”
Jetfire lightly nipped at his finger, and grinned then. He laid on him and put an arm over his chest, head against his neck and shoulder. Starscream didn’t mind, for once, and soon went to sleep.