The Mummy Karaoke Lounge Returns

Quite the annoying little story, isn't it? Oh well. Inspiration: half time at the super bowl... I don't remember which one it was, but Aerosmith, and Britney Spears and *NSYNC were all there, so maybe one of you will know which one it is. For some reason, Shrek, Carson Daly, the Sumo Wrestlers, and Weezer make an appearance. Don't ask.

Disclaimers: I don't own The Mummy. I do not own any of the songs. I don't own Weezer. Pat and Rivers own themselves. I don't own Shrek. I don't own Carson Daly.

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Camera comes down from the "sky," pans onto the top of the gold pyramid in the midst of the oasis, and shows Rick on guitar, Ardeth on bass, and Imhotep on drums. Even in the night, the pyramid glistens, perhaps because of the spotlights playing over it. A bunch of pygmies screamed, waving spears around, and jumping up and down. Rick half shouted, half sang (really?) into the mic:

Hey... Ja Ja Jaded

He paused, falshed a grinn, erupting more cheers, then continued:

You got your mama's style

But you're yesterday's child to me

So Jaded

You think that's where it's at

But is that where it's 'sposed to be

You're gettin' it all over me

Ex-er-ated

Ardeth and Imhotep joined in, but Imhotep stopped mid-word, looked confused, wondered what the hell he was saying, since he didn't speak english.

My my baby blue

Yeah I been thinkin' 'bout you

My my baby blue

Yeah you're so Jaded

And I'm the one that Jaded you

More cheers erupt from the pygmies, and Jonathan edges away from the crowd fearfully, looking at the pygmies suspiciously. Don't get caught in a crowd of rabid fans... especially if they have weapons like those mean-looking spears, he thought. Alex, standing next to his uncle, being the little boy he was, stared at the spears in awe.

"Wow! Uncle Jon, look at this!" he said, grinning. He reached out and tried to take a spear, but Jonathan grabbed his hand.

"No, please don't," Jonathan said. Alex grinned, and laughed at his uncle. Jonathan cowered in the corner.

The song ended, and Rick bowed, Ardeth drew his scimitar, waved it around, getting cheers from the crowd. "Ooh! Shiny big sword!" Evy hopped up on the "stage," wearing a shirt that was a pink, fine bit of nothing, and jeans torn in the knees, while new music started. Flames shot out, accidently singing Anck-su-Namun and the Scorpion King who both cried out and fell over on eachother, and background dancers began to dance around to the beat. Evy whispered into the mic, "I know I may be young... but," she grinned and giggled. "I've got feelings too, and I need to do what I feel like doin'... so let me go, and just listen," she began to sing after this, shaking her hips:

All you people look at me like I’m a little girl.

Well did you ever think it be okay for me to step into this world.

Always saying little girl don’t step into the club.

Well I’m just tryin’ to find out why cause dancing’s what I love.

Get it get it, get it get it (Evy: WHOOOA)

Get it get it, get it get it (Evy: WHOOOOOA... whispering:Do you like it?)

Get it get it, get it get it (Evy: OOOHHHH.... whispering:This feels good) She beckoned with a finger for Rick to come on stage. He stood, mouth agape, then went to her. She danced, mesmerizing him, until she looked at him. "Helllloooo? Rick!" Rick seemed to realize something. "Oh, uh, yeah." They started to dance, but Evy still seemed angry at Rick for forgetting his cue.

I know I may come off quiet, I may come off shy.

But I feel like talking, feel like dancing when I see this guy.(wink at Rick)

What’s practical is logical. What the hell, who cares?

All I know is I’m so happy when you’re dancing there.

I’m a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.

I’m a slave for you. I won’t deny it; I’m not trying to hide it.

After this, the fans from the original karaoke lounge in Hamunaptra show up, boo Evy saying "Sista, Rick is MINE!" They try to run after Rick, screaming "I love you!" but he escapes, looking very shocked indeed. Evy glares at him, and he asks, voice cracking "What?" Evy shakes her head, as the guys in black tee shirts start to fight over who gets to push the button that starts the next music."Uh-uh Bob! You got to push the shiny red button last time!" Evy looked around. "Where's Jonathan?" Jonathan is running away from a group of pygmies. Evy sighs and turns to watch the next act.

Meela/Anck-su-Namun walks on stage, hair still singed partly off, and smiling lopsidedly, then glares evilly at Evy, for it was her act that burned her hair off. She shouts ancient Egyptian obscenities at the dense, irritating black tee shirt guys, who are still arguing over who gets to push the button. "No way, Bill! Get your fat ass away from the button!" She throws one of those knifes from TMR at them, and they duck. Bob reaches out and pushes the button. Bill looks at him evilly. Anck starts to sing and dance:

Ooh, I don't want, I don't need

I can't stand no minute man

I don't want no minute man

Ooh, here's your chance

Be a man, take my hand

Understand

I don't want no minute man

Oh, oh, uh, ooh

Oh, oh

Oh, oh, uh, ooh

Oh, oh

Boy I'ma make you love me

Make you want me

And I'ma give you

Some attention, tonight

Follow my intuitions

Cus what you're wishin'

See I'ma keep you up all night...

For a long time

Just start countin' the ways...

Imhotep grins, just knows she's singing to him, as she's grinning like an idiot at him. People in the crowd shake their butts to the rhythm. (Jonathan is still running away from those crazy pygmy fans, by the way). Finally that blasted song ends (hate that song!), and the next fight over the button starts. Imhotep and Anck start making out backstage, but Rick shoots a gun dangerously closer, causing Imhotep to remember that he must go on again, and he curses in Ancient Egyptian. An anouncer walks on stage, in front of the band, and shouts, "Hey! Now, for an encore presentation from Creature!" Ardeth hangs his head in regret for the name. Alex rushes up and pushes the button before either Bob or Bill can get to it, and laughs at their reaction. Sumo wrestlers begin to dance around on stage, and Rick starts playing hard guitar. After several beats (y'know, the little bum bum bum bum part), he begins to sing:

I can't help my feelings

I'll go out of my mind

These players come to get me

'Cause they'd like my behind

I can't love my business

If I can't get a trick

Down on Santa Monica

Where tricks are for kids

Imhotep and Ardeth join (just on Oh):Oh, come on and kick me

Oh, come on and kick me

Rick solo again:Come on and kick me

You've got your problems

I've got my ass wide

You've got your big G's

I've got my hash pipe

Suddenly, Weezer comes on stage. More cheers erupt, twice as loud. Weezer looks around, yells in surprise at the pygmies, who want their autographs, but are waving the spears around in a seemingly menacing way. Rick stops playing. "Is there a problem, uh, gentlemen?" he asks, looking the guys over. Rivers puffs out his chest, and steps up. "Yeah. This is our song, and these are our Sumor Wrestlers."

"Koontash da nai," Imhotep said. Pat burst out laughing. Rivers looked at him oddly.

"What'd he say?" he asked. Pat shook his head, chuckling.

"He says your face looks like the sumo wrestler's ass..." Pat said, still guffawing. Rivers raised both hands, and made a very rude sign indeed at Imhotep. Imhotep did the mouth thing, and all of Weezer screamed like girls. Rick pushed Imhotep's jaw back up.

"Man, that's so gross!" he shouted. Imhotep shrugged. Weezer took the guitars, and sang the song much better, and everyone cheered. Rick was fuming.

The song died away, and the screen faded out, to Shrek and Carson Daly hosting "MTV's 20 stupidest moments."

"Well, that was a doozy," Shrek said in that cute Scottish brouge. Carson nodded, eyes growing wide. "About that pyramid, do you think they may be componsating for something?" He chuckled, but Carson didn't seem to get it. Shrek shook his head. "No one ever gets that one!"

Suddenly, a group of un-dead priests from Imhotep's cult storm the TRL studios, one looking strangely like Regis Philbin, making Shrek and Carson scream like girls, and then someone says "commercial!"

That cheezy music starts, and people are singing "Wendy's late night!" In the distance, you can hear a loud screaming that sounds vaguely like Jonathan as he runs away from the pygmies with the spears...

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Well... that was fun to write, obviously, but lets see if how many people flame it...