Title: Quiet as a Lamb

  Authors: Sarah ([email protected]) and Alex ([email protected])

  Rating: R

  Category: Romance/humour

  Status: Complete

  Disclaimer: They don't belong to us

 

*********************************************************************

 

 

  "You are home late. Do you think I have the patience to wait around for you all night?"

 

  "Hey, you think I can help late night traffic? Besides, I'm here now."

 

  "You missed dinner. Don't ask me to go fixing you more." 

 

  "Then I'll go fix it myself...somehow."

 

  "You look awful, are you sick?"

 

  "No...maybe..yes, actually, yes."

 

  "Sorry I yelled. Let's get you upstairs, I'll fix your dinner."

 

  "It's okay, don't worry about it. And thanks."

 

  "Thanks? For what?" 

 

  "For saying you'd fix me some dinner when you just said you wouldn't."

 

  "Well you don't look well, I love you enough to take care of you once in awhile."  

 

  "Only once in a while? Isn't that pretty neglectful of you?!"

 

  "You didn't marry me for my cooking skills did you?"  

 

  "Um...sorry, just kidding. I married you for more than that."

 

  "You smell nice, I'll just sit here cuddled against your chest...Why did you marry me?"

 

  "Mmmm...what? Oh, that. Well, you want the long list or the abridged version?"

 

  "I have time." 

 

  "Well, I married you mainly because I love you."

 

  "Good to know, I think that's important in a marriage"

 

  "Oh yes, definitely. Did I mention your wonderful culinary skills?"

 

  "Nice try."

 

  "Huh? Whatever happened to flattery will get you some?"

 

  "I repeat, nice try." ::Steps out of his embrace::

 

  "Hey!" ::reaches for her:: "I thought we were discussing all the reasons I married you."

 

  ::Moves back to him:: "And it suddenly turned into you trying to trick me into cooking."

 

  "No it didn't, I never trick you into anything! So, where were we?"

 

  "We were discussing why you married me." 

 

  "Oh, that's right. Well, let's see. Love, your cooking skills...oh yeah, I like it when we...you know..."

 

   "Rick! Please."

 

  "Don't tell me you don't enjoy that?"

 

  "Well I think you know I enjoy it." 

 

  "I know I do..."

 

  "I know *you* do, the way you howl my name when you-" 

 

  "I don't *howl*!"

 

  "What do you call it then?"

 

  "I dunno? A yell? Anyway, you can't talk."

 

  "I'm quiet as a lamb."  ::Pulls back once again heading to the fridge and grabbing the iced tea::

 

  ::Follows her:: "Yeah right, so I must be hearing voices every time I make love to you?"

 

  "Quiet as a lamb"

 

  "So lambs have suddenly started shouting, 'Oh God Rick! Rick! Riiiick'!" 

 

  "Mr O'Connell, you have absolutely *no* manners."  ::Nearly chokes on her tea when he screams::

 

  "Neither do you it seems when we're in the bedroom."

 

  "Rick...please, stop it, I thought you were ill."

 

  "Not anymore...I have other things on my mind."

 

  "Don't you dare look at me like that, I'm not interested right now."  

 

  "You're not, huh? So what if I do this...and this..."

 

  "Those are mine, what makes you think you can touch them!?!"

 

  "You never minded before."

 

  "I was in the mood before."  

 

  "And you're not now? "Mmm, you taste good...suddenly I don't want dinner anymore."

 

  "Richard O'Connell, unhand your...wife...now."  

 

  "I'll unhand you alright...or maybe I should just put *my* hands here..."

 

  ::Squeal::

 

  "You definitely feel in the mood to me."

 

  "I'm not the least bit wet for you."

 

  "You're not? Well, let me work on that."

 

  "Rick...don't, not right now. I have work to do and books to settle. I promise, later." 

 

  "That can wait."

 

  "Rick nothing you can do is going to make me want this right now. I cooked and cleaned and you were late even though I played the *good* little house wife and you know how much I hate that. Don't start with me." 

 

  "Well then, consider this as my way of thanking you for doing all of the above."

 

  "Rick...really, I'm not in the mood. I'm not wet at all, not even the slightest bit." 

 

  "Not even...just...a little bit?"

 

  "Nope."

 

  "Well, then let's see what I can do."

 

  "Not right now."

 

  "Why the hell not? You've never passed up an opportunity to receive oral sex before."

 

  "I don't know, it's rather odd. I'm not sure I want oral right now. Can I get you to bed? I think you feel hot."

 

  "By all means, take me to bed. I'm *very* hot."

 

  "What's gotten into you?"  

 

  "A crazy uncontrollable urge to make love to my wife?"

 

  "Oh, I should have guessed by where your hands are positioned on my body."

 

  "Hmmm, I like the way they're positioned right now, but I can think of better places..."

 

  "Like where?"

 

  "Well, down here like this...and this spot right here..."

 

 ::Gasp:: "No, not there."  

 

  "Why not?"

 

  "Because it feels...ohh...and I'm not in the mood."

 

  "Okay, so how about if I move them...here..."

 

  "Not there either. How about you show some power over your body and put them at your sides?"  ::backs up slowly tilting over the couch::

 

  "I don't think I like the sound of that..." ::pushes her up onto the couch:: "Oh, would you look at that. Perfect for what I have in mind."

 

  "Rick, you are a *cad*!"  

 

  "Yeah, but you love me anyway, right?"

 

  "Most of the time, yes."  

 

  "That's good then...oh, God."

 

  "What?"

 

  "Why the hell are we still clothed, Evelyn?"

 

  "Because I told you No?" 

 

  "But you're not saying no anymore. Here, let me help you with that."

 

  "Just because I backed into the couch and fell doesn't mean I'm saying 'come and get me.'"

 

  "It doesn't? God-damned buttons."

 

  "See the buttons, it's a sign you aren't supposed to make love to me right now."  

 

  "No, they're being stubborn, just like you sweetheart...Ta-da!! Now for the rest..."

 

  "Oh, like I'm giving in this easily. When have I ever given in? And I *am* quiet during our love making, quiet as a lamb." 

 

  "You are not! If anybody's quiet, it's me. Why the hell do you bother wearing a bra?"

 

  "Contrary to popular opinion, it's a safety barrier and it allows me to keep you away! I am quiet."  

 

  "Safety barrier is right. And you honey, are very vocal when it suits you...Finally! Mmmm, now these were worth the wait."

 

  "Nothing you do will work! I will never surrender to you, you vile beast!"  

 

  "Vile beast?! Evelyn, have you been reading those trashy romance novels again?"

 

  "Richard, I am Evelyn Carnahan. I never read anything besides  ancient Egyptian novels. You know the type, the-ooooh right there-where the lovers are seperated and cursed to wreak havoc on us."

 

  "Whatever happened to 'I'm not in the mood', *Mrs* O'Connell? And don't call me Richard, you know I don't like that."

 

  "Oh yes that's right, I got married didn't I?" 

 

  "And here was I thinking you'd forgotten...mmm, is here good?"

 

  "Mmm-hmm. I mean no, it's awful! Unhand me!"

 

  "Like hell."

 

  "It *is*! Terrible, completely-" ::gasp:: "-terrible"

 

  "Doesn't sound terrible to me."

 

  "Never trust a woman by her sounds." 

 

  "That sounds good to me...come on Evelyn, let me hear you."

 

  "I am a lamb."

 

  "You're a minx."

 

  "Lamb."

 

  "Minx....Mmm, yeah...you taste great..."

 

  "It's just flesh, darling."

 

  "It's very nice flesh."

 

  "Evelyn...the next flavor." 

 

  ::snicker:: 

 

  "Have you had your fill? I have work to do you know."  

 

  "Will you stop talking and start moaning already? You're giving me a complex."

 

  "Like you need more of a complex. And I refuse to moan." 

 

  "Well, I'll make you moan."

 

  "You can't make a lamb moan."

 

  "Bet I can."

 

  "Feels nice."

 

  "That's a start. How about this?"

 

  "Nice there, too."  

  

  "And here? How about this?"

 

  "*Ouch*! Careful, those are attached you know."

 

  "Sorry."

 

  "It's alright, but do it again and I'll have it so you can't make love to me."  

 

  "You wouldn't dare."

 

  "You hurt me I hurt you, I think it's fair."  

 

  ::Moves away:: "Would you look at the time! Places to go, people to see. Have fun."

 

  ::Snickers and stands up:: "Good, I'll finally get back to my reading."

 

  "You do that. Don't think I need you to get me off."

 

  "I wouldn't dream of it." 

 

  "You wouldn't, huh?"

 

  "Nope." ::picks up a book:: 

 

  "Fine." ::storms off outside huffily and waits for a moment before barging back in:: "The hell with this." ::slings her over his shoulder and begins to carry her upstairs::

 

  ::Giggle:: "Back so soon?"

 

  "You oughta know I have no patience when it comes to you, Evelyn."

 

  "We're going play rough? Are you the shepherd out to tame the lamb?"

 

  "You *need* taming, missy. Don't make me use my staff on you now."

 

  "I don't like your staff. It frightens me!"

 

  "Too big for you to handle, huh?"

 

  "Look at you taking your clothes off, while the innocent vixen lies in silent, fearful wait. I'll never let you touch me, *never*!"

 

  "More like a vixen in lamb's clothing. I forbid you to read anymore romance novels if you're gonna keep talking like this."

 

  ::Giggle:: "Oh, you are just jealous because you can't compare to the men in them."

 

  "I can't? So tell me Evelyn, can those men in the books do *this* to you..."

 

  "Oh dear me!"  

 

  "How about *this*..."

 

  "Not bad."

 

  "Mmmm, how about when I suck on these?"

 

  "Keep trying on those, I'm not wet yet." 

 

  "Liar. Gonna make me work for it, eh?"

 

  "Not like you'll feel it." 

 

  "Oh, I'll feel it alright."

 

  "That would require my chastity underwear to come off and your fingers to touch me."

 

  "*Just* my fingers?" 

 

  ::Puts her hands over her skirt there:: "Nope~"

 

  ::Swats her hands away and yanks the skirt down and off:: "Evelyn, are you telling me you want *more* than my fingers on you?!"

 

  "..."

 

  "Oh, I don't know if I can allow that you know. Well, not unless you ask for it. Come on, if you ask real nice, I'll give you what you really want."

 

  "Just touch me already." 

 

  "Well, if that's all you want."

 

  "Shhhh..."

 

  "..."

 

  "I'm not hot for you...not even wet..."

 

  "You are *so* wet."

 

  "Am I really? How wet?" 

 

  "Wet enough for me to drink...Mmmm, do you want my mouth on you, Evelyn? Do you want that?"

 

  ::nod:: "Is it hot there? Christ, push them deeper."

 

  "..."

 

  "Oh deeper...can't you push them in deeper?" 

 

  "I could push something else in deeper...how's my staff sound right now?"

 

  "Whatever happened to foreplay? *Oh* right there...push against that..."  

 

  "Like this you mean?"

 

  "Yes just like that..." 

 

  "Now we'll see who the lamb is."

 

  "I'm still quiet. Nothing you can do will make me scream tonight."  

 

  "We'll see about that."

 

  "Your mouth...it's so hot..."

 

  "..."

 

  "Rick...Rick....Rick..."

  

  "...."

 

  "Yes..." 

 

  "...."

 

  ::gasps softly and moans out quietly in orgasm::

 

  "Oh, is that how you're playing it?  Let's see if you can stay quiet through *this*..."

 

  ::gasp:: "Rather big, Rick."

 

  "Ohhh, I warned you about it."

 

  "You just surprised me is all." 

 

  "How about this for a surprise?"

 

  "It's a good surprise. Ouch careful, your elbow is digging in my back."

 

  "Sorry...Ohhhhhhh, you feel so goood..."

 

  "How is it you fit within me?" 

 

  "You seem to be handling me pretty well."

 

  "I'm doing my...best. So...how was your day?" 

 

  "Ohhhh...ohhh...it was...okay."

 

  ::gasp:: "Ohhh, that's good..."

 

  "I could do this...ohhh *God*...all...day..."

 

  "Mmmmeee too...Right there! Oh, push against that..." 

 

  "Evelyn...Evelyn...Mmmmm, yeah..."

 

  "Rick...Rick....Rick."

 

  "Evelyn...Ohhhhhhh, GOD!"

 

  "I can't...hold on..."

 

  "Then...let...go..."

 

  "And...let...you win..." 

 

  "Yessssssss..."

 

  "Nooooooooo..." 

 

  "Evelyn...I command...you to...ohhhh...to come."

 

  "So *now* I'm...at your beck and...call?"

 

  "Yes...yesssssss....ohhh..."

 

  "Oh GOD, RIIIIICK!" 

 

  "EVELYYYYYYYN!"

 

  "..."

 

  "..."

 

  "..."

 

  "So much for staying quiet..."

 

  "I was quiet, you just have really good hearing."

 

  "My ears are so good they actually amplify sound?"

 

  "Precisely. I proved I am a lamb."

 

  "If you're a lamb, then I do *not* howl."

 

  "You do howl!"

 

  "Evelyn, that was not howling!"

 

  "Was too!"

 

  (Johnathan) "YES IT WAS!!! MY GOD, DON'T YOU TWO EVER SHUT UP?"

 

  "Okay, so maybe I howl a little."

 

  "Yeah, me too. Want to see how loud we can be?"

 

  "Oh yeah."

 

  ::Leaves the house slamming the door:: "That's it, I can't take it anymore."