"READ MY LIPS: NO NEW TITHINGS"

Writes by Typhoid Manny
'Shops by Lucifer Denim


CHAPTER I:
"O Commies, Where Art Thou?"


	PANEL 1
Ronald Reagan is sitting in the Oval Office.

REAGAN (thought bubble)
Man, those Communists are really getting me down.

	PANEL 2
Reagan at a different angle.

REAGAN (thought bubble)
I'd really like to, y'know, destroy the Soviet Union and stuff, but what can I do?
I am but one man.

	PANEL 3
Reagan, same shot as 1, except with a lightbulb over his head.

REAGAN
I know! Man, I'm so fucking stupid for not thinking of this before!

	PANEL 4
The Vatican. A phone rings.

	PANEL 5
The Pope is on the phone.

POPE
Tony. 'Bout fuckin' time you called. Listen, man, I really need a fix-

	PANEL 6
Reagan on the phone.

REAGAN
Uh...excuse me, Mr Pope Sir...

	PANEL 7
Pope.

POPE
I don't hear you saying you've got my shit, Tony. Do you have it or not? You're not the only dealer in the Vatican, y'know.
No one'd miss you if your violated corpse were found, say, at the bottom of the fucking ocean. Get my drift, Tony? You got it?

	PANEL 8
Reagan.

REAGAN
Mr Pope, this is Ronald Reagan.

	PANEL 9
Pope.

POPE
Ronald Rea-how the fuck did you get this number?

REAGAN (over phone)
Sir, we had a hotline set up-

POPE
This is an unlisted number, man. You can't make telemarketing calls to an unlisted number.

	PANEL 10
Reagan.

REAGAN
Pope, this is Ronald Reagan, the President of the United States.

POPE (over phone)
...Oh, THAT Ronald Reagan. I swear, I've been getting the weirdest prank calls. My bad, my son.
What can this humble servant of god do for you, yo?

REAGAN
No sweat, your papalness. Listen, I got a problem with Russia. I was hoping you could help me out.

	PANEL 11
Pope.

POPE
Man, those red faggots giving you trouble again?

REAGAN (over phone)
It's a real drag, man, y'know?

POPE
I dig, yo. I dig.

PANEL 12
Pope.

POPE
Tell you what. I just scored some Grade A shit. Why don't you come over and sample some, before I start moving it? We can talk about
maybe taking out a contract on those pinko babyraping motherfuckers.

Reagan (Over the phone)
Sheeeeit. I'll be there in an hour.

POPE
Aight, later.

REAGAN
Peace.

NEXT TIME:
Ronnie and John Paul formulate a PLAN!