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| Skating Journal 2001-2002 My First Year Part Four |
| The First Performance The day after returning home from the Olympics was my first solo performance in oh, 14 years or so. I was inspired after being in Salt Lake, but I was also worried that the audience, after watching all of this skating on television, might be expecting Olympic quality. If so, I was REALLY going to dissapoint them. I was starting to wonder why I had even agreed to the performace in the first place. It was a performace between periods of a hockey game of our local team, the Jackson Hole Moose. Now, this is not the NHL, but for this little town, hockey brings in a lot of spectators. Luckily it was not a Friday night (the rowdier of the two game series). I had a much smaller crowd on Saturday, maybe 300 hockey fans. I was performing to John Denver, not the typically favorite genre of the hockey fan. Lori came to the rink as moral support. Thank goodness because she helped keep my mind off of it until it was time to perform. So, out I went in my new dress performing this program for the first time, heck, performing for the first time in 14 years!! I was able to write my own "intro" to give to the announcer. I wrote on their that this was my first time performing, I figured that way people would not be expecting Nancy Kerrigan. OK, so now I am standing there, skaking like a leaf and then I blinked and it was over. What happened in between I can hardly remember. I know that my sit spin was horrible and that I nearly ran into the hockey net that was pushed aside, but other than that I smiled. I have to remember to smile, because it makes all the difference in the world. When I have fun, I skate well. I survived the performance and was proud that I even did it. Lori told me that I had a standing ovation from about 5 ladies. I figured my performance might have resonated with the middle age women in the stands. As I walked back to where Jon was sitting I was told repeatedly what a great job I did. The owner of the hockey team gave me a t-shirt and thanked me. I was encouraged by my experience and glad that I did it. Anxiety The tests were what I was losing sleep over. Well, not the Pre-Bronze test, I knew that would be a piece of cake. It was that darn Bronze test that had me staying up all night and skating every possible free minute. I still could not consistently perform the backspin. It would seem like one day I really had it and then the next day I could not do it all. So, I worried, and worried. I told people I might fail. There was a legitimate reason to think I would - I could only do a backspin about 50% of the time. I could do EVERYTHING else just fine, in fact I could do things more difficult than the test requirements. I had decided to put aside my competition programs because I felt the tests were more important. Finally the week came. Tests on Thursday and competition Fri-Sun. That week I was at the rink for every session, including one at 6am. I am not a morning person and this was definitely reflected in my early AM session. This was the day before my test. Thursday I had one half hour practice session in the afternoon with 15 other skaters of all levels. The session was pretty good and I just had to trust I was ready. Testing It was finally time. I was against my husband coming to the test session, just because I thought I would be too nervous, but he convinced me to let him tag along. When we got there it was like entering a church. All you could hear was the sound of blades on ice. Moves testing was still going on. I found Lori and she was in high spirits considering she had failed her first test (Moves). She did pass some dances though. Her energy and support picked me up and got me ready to go. I saw that even if I did fail, I would just test again. No big deal. As I suspected, the Pre-Bronze test was a breeze - I passed. No worries there. I was hoping that this lack of nervousness would carry through to the Bronze test. Wrong! My warm-up for the Bronze test was terrible. I could not do the back spin and in fact took a hard fall trying. This got my nervers working overtime. I started the program and my legs were so nervous I could not even skate on one foot. I have learned that if there is one move that is impossible with nervous legs, it is the sit-spin. That was next and it was horrible. I hung on for the required revolutions though. I knew it was bad, but I thought it might slide. The flip jump was great and the spiral OK, next was the backspin. When I put my right foot down to start the spin (out of a forward spin) I just stopped. My right foot did not spin at all! So, flustered, I carried on. I messed up on the toe loop (I hate toe loops, they are ugly little jumps. Although I rarely mess them up) I put my foot down a little. Since I knew I could only reskate one element, I figured I was now officialy doomed. I contemplated quiting for about 3 seconds. I just stood there. This was not lost on my husband who wondered why I stopped. Well, I decided to keep going, I could not look like a poor sport and I had to be a good example to the younger skaters in the club. I ended quite strong really. I waited to be asked to reskate the backspin, which I knew was inevitable. I nailed it. It was one of the best ones I had ever done!!! I was sure glad it was all over and was so happy I pulled off the spin. I anxiously awaited my results and was so releived to see I passed. All of my hard work was worth it in that moment. Although I was on the fringe of failing, it did not matter. I passed and it felt good. Adult skating is so rewarding in each of these accomplishments. As a kid I had only passed Pre-Preliminary and by passing the Bronze test I felt like I had already done more than I did as I child skater. I could not beleive that a year ago the thought of skating as an adult NEVER crossed my mind, but here I was. The competition I felt, would be a blast after all of the testing pressure. I decided that I was done with nerves and I was going to have some FUN! |