Movie Quotes
"My name? F*ck you, that's my name! You know why, mister? Because you drove a Hyundai here tonight, and I drove an $80,000 BMW. That's my name!"
-Alec Baldwin, Glengarry, Glen Ross
"Only one thing counts in life: Get them to sign on the line that is dotted. You hear me, you f*cking faggots?"
-Alec Baldwin, Glengarry Glen Ross
"If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal. That's right. I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, to, cauze I'm crazy!"
-Crazy Ernie, UHF
"Why, that's a terrible thing! I don't know how many times I've told those boys, never call chicks broads."
-R.J. Fletcher, UHF
"See, all these movies take place in a town called Shermer, in Illinois. And there's all this fine bush running around, and we could kick all the dude's asses because they're all whiney pussie. Except Judd Nelson - he was harsh. But best of all, there was no one selling week. So I says to Silent Bob, "Man, we could live phat if we were the blunt connection in Shermer, Illinlois!" So we collected some cash we were owed, and caught a bus. But when we got here, you know what we found out? There is no Shermer, Illinois. What kind of shit is that? F*cking movies are bullshit!"
-Jay, Dogma
"You get me slapped with a fine, you argue with the customers and I have to patch everything up, you get us thrown out of a funeral by violating the corpse, and then to top it off, you ruin my relationship. I mean, what's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?"
-Dante Hicks, clerks
"Now you f*cks have gone too far! Goddamn heads landing on cars while Long Island families are singing 'Found a Peanut'! They found a peanut, all right, honey. They found a peanut of death!"
-Detective Ernie Scalus, Tromeo and Juliet
[Upon seeing a corpse dressed up like a Christmas tree]
"Do you think we should wait until after the holidaysto taker her down?"
-Deputy Chris, Jack Frost
"Creamsicle!?!"
-Ice Cream Man, Ice Cream Man
"He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!"
-Steve Martin, The Jerk
"Well I'm gonna to go then! And I don't need any of this! I don't need this stuff, and I d on't need you. I don't need anything except this [picks up an ashtray] and that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And t his remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote con t rol and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this! The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this! And that's all I need. The ashtray, the re mote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair."
-Steve Martin, The Jerk
"My name is Cliff, brother of Joe. I got me some crack. I want me some hoes."
-Cliff, Dead Man on Campus
[While filling out job application]
"Name: Loc Dog, baby. Height : Six-deuce! Age: 19. Father's name: mmm... I dunno. Sex: hell yeah, nigga! Salary desired: 3 million dollars! Cash!"
-Loc Dog, Don't be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood
"That rat soup eatin', insecure, honky mutha f*cka!"
-Dolemite, Dolemite
"When I see a ghost, I cut the mutha f*cka!"
-Dolemite, Dolemite