LIFE IS BUT A DREAM TANGERINE

  Ok here I was, living in my car on the coast of California, hangin with the Hell's Angels living the darker side of life.   I was searching for my brother who was following the Greatful Dead.   Stumbling upon a well known hippie hang out in Berkely called Peoples Park, I pulled my red '65mustang up to the curb.  Stepping out of my car was like stepping into a realm I had only imagined from history photos from the'60s.  Long haired, tyed dyed, peace loving, beautiful people.  Most were sitting in circles on the grass - some were dancing, some were playing music with guitars, bongos, flutes, or just clapping their hands.

    Walking through the trees entering the park, I noticed an older man with radiant white hair and a long white beard.  He was in & out of the trees, like he was playing hide & seek.   Then he was gone in a flash -  I thought I was seeing things - then I saw him at the other end of the park sitting in a circle of friends, when he turned and look straight at me so did everyone in the park it seemed.

    Walking towards the circle with the old man, I noticed a man playing a flute -- I looked and smiled - He stopped playing and told me, "Sister your not smiling from your heart."  When I asked what he meant he continued to play as if I were not there.  Suddenly I felt as if I  were in a twisted tale of Alice in Wonderland.

    Reaching the circle noticing everyone in meditation, not wanting to disturb them, I sat on the grass yet watching from a near distance.  I was in awe not really understanding why I was there and what the flute man had to say.   The feelings in me were flooded with confusion, I was becoming numb.

    Then i was surrounded by the old man's circle, they sat all around me and welcomed me to their gathering.  I was shy not really knowing what to say - and the old man said - it's ok sister - you don't have to say anything just feel with your heart.  I looked up into the man's eyes, they were not anything I had ever seen before.  His eyes were deep as the universe and shining within whirl pools of devine light!  Instantly I felt no fear yet only a calming embrace.

    Taking a hit off the passing joint - enjoying the environment, I just sat back and observed the interesting group before me.  In the group were a couple of younger girls who had run away from home, they were only about 14 & 15, I was only 18 at the time on the run myself *evil grin, but that's another storie in itself. Anyway,  there were a couple of students from UC Berkely, but most were homeless in between Grateful Dead shows - including the old man.

    After my initial look into his eyes, I was, I guess afraid to look again, and then he spoke to me and said, "Your brother is not here" -- I had no choice but to look now,  when I looked into his eyes - there it was, the universe, it was so real -- I said "excuse me?" -- "Your brother - the one you seek - he is not here today", he said looking beyond my eyes, I could feel him penetrating my soul. -- I was trembling - felt like I was in the presence of God himself.

    A feeling I had never known washed over me like I was being spiritually baptised -- I was so emotional, I started to cry wiiping the tears as if to hide them- all the feelings, the hidden secrets, the horror,  I had locked inside my soul, felt like it was all being exposed all at once - it was so overwhelming - the trembles turned to shakes I had to get out of there immediately.

    I got up and told everyone that it was nice meeting them but I had to go.  The old man stood put out his hand and said, "Tangerine, thats my name" - Reaching out with my trembling hand, I llooked at him and and asked him if we had ever met.  He said "perhaps in a dream", all I could say was "Tangerine, Tangerine - life is but a dream Tangerine" - His smile shined and an aura glowed from his being.   I felt as if we were one in connection with the touch of our hands.  A surge of energy shot up my arm and down my spine and up through the top of my head and then down through my other arm until I was totally embraced with what felt to be some kind of intense spiritual energy field!

    I was in awe on my drive back to San Francisco - back to the darker side of life.

    My second venture into the park was more fun.  It seemed all those from the time before were hugging me like an old friend.  I was totally blessed and awakened to what a "real" hug is.  Embracements from kindred souls was definitely what I needed to enlighten my own spirit.

   As we sat in a circle some holding hands Tangerine spoke of "time".  How time is continuos what ever we do time continues around us and it's how we spend our time in life that's important.  He said see in this "time" we sit together time continues.  In the time he was talking he "see the minutes have passed and we can never get them back.  I sighed heavely realizing all the time I had wasted on stupid stuff.  It was 
"time" for a change for me.

      I finally found my brother and decided to follow these hippies on the Grateful Dead Highway.  Tangerine could find me at almost every show, it was a trip for 5 years- eventually a long strange trip, but an experience I embraced and "times" I'll never forget.