THESE
TALES ARE TRUE
AND
YET
CONTAIN
MATERIAL
UNSUITABLE FOR CHILDREN
PLEASE
GO BACK IF YOU ARE EASILY
OFFENDED
OR IF YOU ARE STILL YOUNG
AND
INNOCENT!!!
MONSTERS
Grandpa
THEN:
-
I was a little girl of wondering and innocence only 12 years old - riding
horses in the hills with my grandpa one afternoon - I remember thinking
of how I would love to learn how to play guitar and ride out in the hills
and play under the moon with the coyotes! Smiles of enjoying the
beauty of nature as a wild jack rabbit runs cross my path, into southern
sage!
We rest
before a tree, taking a drink from my canteen! A trembling
starts within - a flood of fear as the hands of a monster, a monster I
called my grandpa, reached in and touched me! The innocence ripped
before me as he touches the most vital essence of my being!
I cried for him to stop but he kept touching me - reaching in my pants touching flesh that no man had touched. I was so scared I kept trying to push him off of me. I was crying - He told me if I didn't stop crying or trying to fight with him that he was going to leave me up there. I was terrified as his hands roamed my little helpless body - I felt sick and got up and ran from him. He got up - got on his horse and left me up there.
Feeling numb and surreal I pulled myself up on my horse and looked up to
the heavens and asked for help. An angel appeared and looked at me
with such sadness in her face as she lead my horse off the hill.
I told my mom what happened and she scolded Grandpa - But that's all that
was said about it - I was so devastated I couldn't talk to anyone for months
- then my sadness turned to anger - I wwas so angry at life - and no one
- NO ONE -could understand.
NOW:
But recently I found out that my own Mother and her two sisters were molested
by this monster throughout their child-hood - I couldn't believe it.
My own mother KNEW he was a monster and let me go off with him alone.
Suddenly I found myself more angry with her than I was at him.
STEPFATHER
THEN:
I started doing drugs to try and stop the nightmares of my grandfather
I was a basket case. In junior high the school even told my mother
I needed professional help. After I sliced my wrist and threw a chair
at the school counselor for telling me he "Knew" how I felt. I was
in raged and picked up the chair and threw it at this guy and told him
YOU do NOT "KNOW" how "I" feel!!! --- (I always hated those words coming
from someone who doesn't have a clue.)
My stepfather hit my brother all the time for stupid stuff like having
a sock on the floor. And when I'd come home from school he'd be waiting
to call me a slut or say anything negative that he could think of that
would hurt me. He beat me for coming home ten minutes late - my brother
called the cops - but the cops left me there - in my childhood days abuse
was considered discipline. Besides my parents were upper middle class
with a clean house. -- There you go CPS - a clean house does NOT always
make it a safe home.
NOW:
UNCLE
JOE
THEN:
I wasn't taken home tho, I was lead into an old familiar house, the people
around me were my family of monsters! They were laughing at me -
saying cruel things! Their laughter grew in my head- *STOP IT - STOP
IT! I screamed!! - They didn't care, this was just a game to them!
I got up and tried to run for the door when Uncle Joe wrestles me to the
ground and the door slammed shut! -- ANGER builds inside of my soul
-- yet a numbing feeling rushes over mee as if - my spirit has gone with
in - separated from my body - wishing I was dead!
Uncle Joe got me in a head lock and twists my arm behind my back and leads
me to his house! -The stenchy aroma turns my stomach. He throws me down
on the floor and sits on my back burying my face into the carpet- I couldn't
breathe! He tied my hands and ankles to the legs of the couch - His
hands - roaming my body with his incestial appetite- Disgust swims with
in me -he put a dog bowl in front of my face and put my face in it and
told me to "eat bitch"-
The next morning I'm kicked in the head and told to wake up. Uncle
Joe leads me to my grandmother's house in front. There my Grandmother,
my other uncle Ted and aunt Marylin were waiting. They told me that
my stepfather paid them $100 to cut my hair off. I had long beautiful
hair and that's the only thing I had that I was proud of - it was the only
thing they knew they could take away from me that would hurt so much.
I freaked - I fought my two uncles as they were trying to put leather restraints
on me - I ran to the door screaming for someone to help me. But no one
helped me, I was wrestled to the ground and dragged back into the house
by my hair - weakened from the fight, they won and chopped my hair off.
This whole family sickens me!! - I Feel like an incarnation of insanity!!
After being returned home beaten physically, mentally,& spiritually
- I hated everyone - except my brother -I knew I had to leave but it hurt
to leave my little brother behind - I couldn't take him with me - he was
too young - but I thought maybe they would be easier on him if I was out
of the picture. They weren't.
NOW:
Their Karma is being recycled between all of them going round and round
destroying themselves with every hateful intention they create.*evil grin
But now I find out that it wasn't' my stepfather that ordered the hair
cut - it was my own mother. How could she!! I have been angry
at my stepfather this whole time and now I find out it was my mother!!
What do I do with that??
CRANKSTER
THEN:
Yet - I became week and blind and trusted another man who before me turned
into an uncontrollable monster! -- As he lured me to take a trip in his
van -- out in the middle of the desert. He became a man
of hidden trade (wanting sex for the crank he offered)- and when I resisted
- he pulled out a syringe, I could feell the tip of the needle brush against
my cheek as he held me around the neck - choking me until I was weakened!
And there another monster took another piece of my soul!
Raped by a monster, dumped in the desert left to die. As he threw me out
of his van - my head hit a rock - I passed out for while. When I
woke bleeding & with a splitting headache - it was so dark and cold,
I was sooo scared. Again, I looked up into the heavens and asked
for help. This time I didn't see any angels - but a "voice" reminding
me of the path back to the highway. I don't remember much of the
walk. But I finally found the highway and started walking in the
road when an Arizona trooper pulled up. I told him I was raped and
I needed to get back to California where I lived. He wanted to take
me to the hospital - but I was scared and refused. I just wanted
to get back to my friend's house of where I was staying at the time - so
he drove me all the way to the California state line and had a California
patrol take me all the way back to where I was staying. I guess those
troopers were my angels -- THANK YOU -- Whoever and wherever you are officers.
When
I got back to my friend's and told them what had happened - they swore
they would take Him out to the desert and make sure he never found his
way back. I never saw him again physically -
NOW:
BIKER
SCUM
THEN:
About 6 months after that - I was still living in my car following
the Grateful Dead when I ran across another group of biker scum.
But at first they were nice - then with a simple misunderstanding - they
turned mean and bashed the rear window on my car. This one guy tried
to protect me & took me to his house. But when I went to the
bathroom -
And about a year after that - I took a ride out to Yosemite with this guy
on his harley - BUT I Told him UP FRONT - NO sexual expectations - and
he agreed -- well when we got there - he got drunk and wanted sex - and
I told no - he said "well then how are you going to get back to San Francisco?"
- I looked at him and said "I'd rather walk!" - He said "ok Bitch you will!"
and the next morning he left me there in Yosemite - I hitched a ride -
luckily this woman and her son took me to Manteca where I spotted his bike
outside a bar. I went in and told him look dude I know where you
live don't f**k with me - so he gave money for the Greyhound -- What a
JERK!!
NOW:
Grandpa
lies 6 feet under in a cold coffin - Died a long painful death of prostate
cancer - Power of words ~ of a 12 year old cursing her grandfathers dick
to rot off - (ironic?)*evil grin
And
now I have to learn to forgive her - for her sake & mine.
At the same time my Grandfather molested me my family was being torn apart
by divorce and a new addition ~ Step dad from hell ~ I never liked
him from the first day I met him. He was in the Air force for most
of his life and was strict and non forgiving. I was such an angry
and sad child add the molestation and I was a ticking time bomb.
Last year - Me, my mom and step dad finally sat down and talked about what
happened back then. I was stunned to find out that he didn't even
remember a lot that happened & had no clue of me being molested at
the time - it finally dawned on him why I was such an angry little girl.
He didn't actually apologize but seeing the realization on his face.
I know he is sorry and now I have to learn how to forgive him as well.
I was about 15 years old when I was beat by my step dad & tired of
being called a slut at home I left - ran-a-way and was caught & forced
into the hands of my family of monsters. I begged the cops but they wouldn't
listen.
Uncle Joe and the rest of "them" live a pathetic life in San Diego where
they love to hate each other and try to destroy everyone they meet.
At 18 yrs old - Lost in a world of demons - for I can not even trust my
own family. As I sought sanctuary - I was now lost in another hell
- slavery to drugs - crank (speed) keptt me awake (since I was 12) so I
didn't have to deal with the nightmares of my past!
The
only time I see that monster now - is in my nightmares.
I was traveling up the coast of California when I met this guy with a Harley
in San Bruno. He said he had a girlfriend but that he
had this friend he wanted to set me up with. I said "ok why not?"
- Well I went out on this "double date"" and on the way back the guy I was
with takes a detour in to this really dark part of town where I didn't
know where I was. He takes me to this school yard and threatens to
beat me & leave me there if I didn't perform oral sex on him. -- What
choice did I have?
in barges
this creepy dude named Tiny - He told me if I didn't give him head that
I wasn't going to make it out of that house alive. - Well then I found
out why his name was Tiny -*lol
They're probably still around somewhere - they know who they are!!
ANGEL FROM HELL
THEN:
1985 Still following the Dead, I picked up this girl in Santa Cruz. Her
name - Diana - Her whole world was falling apart, so I told her to pack
her things and come with me to a Jerry Garcia Show in San Francisco and
her life would change forever. So she did, and when I told her that
I had to stop in at a Harley shop in the city (I used hang with the big
guys) - well she got all excited.
When we got to the shop in the City - there was a new face in the shop - but I wasn't' interested - but that sseemed to turn him on even more - He heard that Diana and I were going to the show that night -- and so this dude shows up with these other guys I had never seen and gets us into the show - we had a good time - but after the show they invited us to go on a bike ride - I knew something was going to happen - but we went anyway - we were supposed to meet at this bar - but Diana and the guys she was with never made it to the bar. I was so scared for her - and looking at who I was with - I was scared for myself as well.
After a terrifying ride on a harley - running from the cops - racing UP Lumbard Street (The well known extreme curvy hill in San Francisco that you can ONLY go down on) - he finally took me to my car - I didn't know what to do - I couldn't leave - how would Diana find me? - so I slept in my car in the same parking spot for 3 days - and (we'll call him "Frank" -the guy from the shop) so "Frank" checcked on me every day - sticking to his story that he didn't know those guys very well - But he insisted on getting me a place to stay for a while until I could find her. I knew I was in trouble now - but what could I do - I couldn't just leave Diana that way - all her stuff was in my car. I felt so responsible!!
"Frank" quickly became my captor instead of the "Angel" he portrayed.
Threatening
me with death - confiscating my address book and threatened that if I leave
that he would have my family killed. Raping me at his will. locking me
in my room for days. making me weigh in on a scale - because I couldn't
be over 120lbs because of the shocks on his bike.
But when I found out that he was married & then he beat a friend of mine unconscience and slit his wrists - and so many horrifying things I should not mention - out of possible personal endangerment. But I'd had enough - I was going to leave - but he cut my transmission lines on my car - I was stuck until he left town for two nights for a conference of some sort - I duck taped my lines back together and took what I could and left the rest to make look like I was coming back. I barely made it to my mom's in So. California when he called and threatened to come get me - my mom threatend back - to meet him at the front door with a shotgun.
NOW:
Well two happy endings to this situation. I made it out alive!! &
once I recovered - I went to another Dead show in Calavares Co. --It
was a beautiful show and I was trippin on LSD -- When a white owl flew
right over my head - I was convinced that was a sign of some sort and I
was on a mission to find it - and then I tripped over this guy right into
this girl's boobs - and when I looked up - she said my name - It was Diana!!!!
I asked her what had happened? - and she said that the guy who she was with took her to the east bay where he lived and she fell in love -- I told her what happened to me and she couldn't believe it - then she tells that "Frank" used to go over there for dinner sometimes on the weekend and told her that I left her and went off to the East Coast to follow the Dead!! I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT!! -- So I went straight to the phone and called "Frank" and all he could do was LAUGH!
Ha ha very funny "Frank" as you now lay 6feet in the ground - dying from your own precious blade - stabbed in the back for screwin one of your own friend's ol' lady!
REST IN PEACE "ANGEL OF HELL"
NIGHT OF TERROR
THEN:
So wouldn't you think I've had enough HELL in one lifetime?
1993 - My son and I lived in a lil studio - it wasn't much but it was a another start in paradise. We shared a porch with a neighbor. It snowed in April, my neighbors were not home at the time - but there was this guy - drunk off his ass, sitting in the snow on the porch. I was making dinner and offered him a plate (just being the kindred spirit I am) He ate it - complimenting me with every bite. After dinner I told him that he would have to leave so I could take care of my child and get him to sleep. The guy left.
About midnight there was a knock on the door. I was scared but I opened the door - and it was "him" - the same guy from before. He asked if he could come in and I told him NO! that my child was sleeping and that it was really late - That's when he pushed the door open and told me that he was coming in. I was so scared! I asked him not to hurt me or my child - He pushed me down on the bed where my son was sleeping and RAPED me -
I was numb - I thought if I was quiet - my son wouldn't wake up but the violent movement of the bed woke him and he freaked - He was only a lil over two but he was yelling at the man to get of his mommy - I had no strength to push this man away - he was way bigger than me. All I could hear was my son crying hysterically at this stranger to leave his mommy alone - Finally the rude son-of-a-bitch finisshed his dirty deed and got off me laughing while he walked out the door. -- I got up and ran and locked the door behind him then ran to the bathroom to vomit.
My son came into the bathroom and just held on to me while I puked my guts up and tried to pull myself together. I didn't know what to do - I didn't have a phone - the neighbors weren't home - The nearest phone was at the 7-11 just across the street - but I was too scared to go outside I didn't know where "He" went or anything about him. I was so confused. I ended up taking a shower and trying to wash the monster off of me.
The next day I confronted my neighbors and told them what happened and that I wanted his name and where abouts - they told me his name "George" but that they didn't' know his last name or where he lived. But when "George" showed back up the next day and was confronted by my neighbors all the bastard could say was that "She wanted it" - (makes me sick to this day) -- He stood right outside my door and yelled so I could here him - saying "She better not call the cops if she knows what's good for her" -
For 3months my son and I were almost shut-ins except for the occasional trip to the store for food. While "George" would show up and throw lil rocks at my window - just to let me know he was there.
I filed a police report but it was way too late to do anything.
I finally got the energy to get out and go to college - they had a great new daycare. But on my first day of school - my first class was a business class - I was fixing to walk in - when I saw "George" sitting in a seat in the front row - I was so freaked -- But I couldn't let him get away with this - So I walked over and took the seat next to him. Just to let him know I wasn't going to leave because of him. After Class I followed him and told all the girls he talked to and all the administration of the school that he was a rapist. Needless to say he didn't show back up to class.
But I was still freaked out - I finally moved to another part of town. Tho I felt a lil safer - I kept running into him in public - where he taunted me. Even up to not long ago he chased me out of a grocery store - yelling *sarcastically "come on you still don't hate me do you?"
And not long after that I moved again to another part of town - I walked out of my therapy session and "George" was in the parking lot - when he saw me - he pointed at me and started laughing talkin to his friends. I lost it!! -- I had walked there - but I didn't feel safe walking back home - so I walked in the rain for about an hour. When I finally got home - I grabbed a butcher knife and was going to stalk HIM and kill him - But the only thing that stopped me was a picture of my son and a crisis line to the local women's center. I couldn't do it - Not while my child depends on me anyway - May "God" or whomever - protect him from me - if ANYTHING were to happened to my son.
NOW:
Well I'm still in therapy and probably will be there for a while.
From
what I've heard from other people - they say that "George" moved down to
Sacramento where he raped and beat another woman! She filed charges
immediately - but that was the last I've heard of him and hopefully the
last I or any other woman will see of him as well.
UPDATE
2002:
Here
we are again - a new year - Well it was just starting to get good - Until:
I took
my son and his friend out to a local restaurant when his friend said to
me - "Why is that guy staring at you?" -- I looked and it was him "George"
-- I told the kids to get their stuff --- I didn't want anything to happen
in front of the kids -- But I just broke down in my truck - I couldn't
even see straight to drive away!! --- Now I'm once again imprisoned
in my home in fear!! But the difference now is, that I am so consumed
with anger & disgust - & HATE - I wanna take him out - So He can't
hurt another woman or child!! -- But I have a child that depends on me
and I can't just blatantly run his ass over - like one of my friends suggested
--- But I am considering a more realisttic alternative -- Tho "society"
may think it's wrong -- But most especially those who have been raped say
- do it!!
I understand it is "wrong" to hurt anyone - and my spiritual rede speaks
"Do what Ye will yet harm none" -- But this isn't "just" anyone -- This
is a MONSTER!!!! -- isn't it my "job" as mother to protect my child - and
isn't a position that we take once in awhile to "elimate" Monsterous situations
in our lives? -- I just do NOT understand why it's ok to rape women and
beat at least one of them - go to jail for only 2 years then get out -
and be able to walk freely about - While I - (only one of his VICTIMs)
-- Have to Hide at home in fear!!!
THEN:
So I put it aside - until 1996 when my son was having nightmares saying
Jesse was mad at him - and that's all that he would say -- But when I took
my son to the doctor for his check up for kindergarten - the doctor touched
his privates - I told him that NO ONE should EVER touch his Privates except
for him and his doctor -
Then My 5year old son proceeded to tell me how JESSE Took my child out
of the play school room took him to the Baby room - grabbed my son by his
privates and threw him into a crib taunting and terrorizing my child calling
him a baby because he wouldn't take a nap!!
I was devastated -- I immediately drove to my therapist and asked her to
talk with my son and tell me what exactly he was saying - I was shaking
I was in a state of unbelieving -- I had been so careful -- How could this
happen? My therapist came out and told me that she will have to file
a report with the licensing board and have an investigation. -- I
freaked - I asked her to watch my son for a few minutes while I went back
to the college to confront the punk. -- AND he
admitted to the whole thing -- I told him he better get someone to protect
him from me - Then the Head of daycare came out and tried to calm me down
but I was pissed.
The licensing board found that Jesse was in the wrong and suggested he
be fired - BUT the Head of Daycare only suspended Jesse for a month and
let him go back to the kids -
NOT ONLY THAT INSULT -- BUT at the college I was commissioner of Political
affairs -- I met with the Governor and Senators for educational issues
and helped the school when a bond -- But that wasn't good enough -- now
through the investigation of the licensing board - I had tarnished their
precious school -- before I knew it - they yanked my financial aid - and
shut me out of the administration.
NOW:
I only have 16 units to go before I get my double AA degrees in Business
& Sociology with electives in computers - But I have not stepped one
foot on that campus since. Maybe I will Maybe I wont -
BILLYDAWG
THEN:
So I thought it be ok to let a friend sleep on the couch one night - a
friend I had only known a few months - but I thought he was a friend no
less - I called him Billy Dawg - because he was a dawg - handsome,
charming, and knew it - and liked to play with the females - But I thought
he understood about my celebacy and my pain - So I THOUGHT!!
He waits till I take my medications and goes to bed - as I'm in a sedated
haze Billy sneaks into my room into my bed and into my the most private
of my body & soul - and as my mind awoke - and realize what was happening
- I totally freaked out and chased him out of my house with a kife I got
at a recent rennaisance faire!!
NOW:
I have invested in a few knives and have placed them around the house -
and I GAURANTEE YOU -- NO MONSTER WILL EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAYCARE
PUNK!
1995 - So now I've got my son in the best daycare in town - right there
at the college -- But my son wouldn't take naps after the attack - So I
had an agreement with the head of the daycare that my son could go into
an attached room and color -- but Heads of the daycare changed and the
new head hired this Punk Rocker (Jesse) to help out with the kids -- Well
I instantly had bad feelings - seeing this young guy with a leather jacket
with spikes and swastikas - spiked polka dot hair - but I thought maybe
I was being prejudice - after all being a dead head I used to get judged
falsely all the time. --
While my son and I are both in constant therapy - My biggest job in this
world is to protect him -- It's one thing for monsters to touch me - but
I will do whatever it takes to make sure NO MONSTERS touch my child again.
If it wasn't for an investigation and belief in a system that failed to
punish him -- I swear Jesse would NOT be alive today. And again as long
as my Son needs me I'm not going to jeopardize that. But Jesse is on my
"list" - if anything were to happen to my lil guy - Beware! Monsters -
Beware!!
NO ONE WOULD EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!!! --- YEAH RIGHT ---
Now I am totally pissed!!! -- With so much RAGE for Monsters -- Beware
the next Monster that crosses my path with the depth of my wrath!!