SKADI'S
KNIGHTMARES


The Bloody Sacrifice
We all have tales of a dark side to share; yet some worse than others!  The nightmares I have to share are totally true in context yet the names, if any, have been changed to protect the innocent as well as - the guilty!
I have experienced and witnessed much bloodshed, torture and just about all phases of abuse in my lifetime.  I feel as if I have somehow survived a warzone of sorts; a battle of humanity, morality, and now the ponderance of my own sanity!
Well, I have tried to combine the nightmares with the actual events so you can understand the truths of the horrors that haunt my soul; Along with my own dream analysis and ponderance of what it all means.  Yet I understand of the symbolism I do not understand the cycle of recurrance and the reliving of the horrors; unless there is some kind of lesson that I have not yet learned from these experiences.
So I wake in the night screaming in terror as the dream demons feed on my fears and guilt!  The guilt is perahaps - only the acceptance of the allowance! - Perhaps just being there and
allowing it to happen is where the guilt stems from!
Yet, or am I just a Saint of Circumstance!

THE KNIGHT MARES:

Many of my recurring nightmares are those of a detailed rememberance of a life of entrapment with a "Barbaric Knight" and living hells of witnessing death and human distruction! - The scenerios of these dreams before you, are repeated in the most vivid of the realities - yet concealed by words of the imagination!

 

THE WITNESS OF DEATH:

One night I was "trippin" on some window pane (LSD), It was the 50th birthday of a big city's bridge - the fireworks were spectacular where I sat; on an iron horse surrounded by Knights armoured in leather and steel. These Knights considered themselves to be men of men, sharing the philosophy as vikings taking what they wanted and disposing of the useless or the threatening!

As the party ended, it was time to tend to the evening's affairs - when a confrontation happened on a dark city sidewalk! - I was "peaking" at this moment, unsure of the realities around me.

Three dark men unfamiliar, and the Knights started to battle before my eyes and in slow motion the one Knight I had trusted my life with - grabs one dark man and reaches behind him and takes out his mighty blade and plunges the steel into this human flesh! -- The dark man cries out for mercy, begging the Knight for his life - The Knight plunges again and again into this dark man's chest -

The dying man's eyes looked upon mine, as I just stood there - not knowing what to do, yet only a spectator, a witness of life and death! - The man pleads with me "Please help me, I have a wife and children, Please help me!" - and yet, I could not move or speak! - Another plunge into the dark man's chest, as the blade is pulled out - blood splatters all over my face - into my mouth, I taste this mans life as it is being ripped apart and we stare into each others eyes - My soul screams, the echos of his tears, the voice of his last cries of life!

MARISH ANALYSIS

Yet,though I did not take this man's life by my own hands - Perhaps I have a carried a possesion of his soul - Tho "they say" the spiritual aspect can not be scientifically proven,  why does this dark man haunt me - or - is it my conscience that feels a guilt and will not let go until somehow sanctified? - Everytime - the same emphasis of watchingg the knife in slow motion and "feeling" the blood splatter on my face, the salty taste of life and the barbaric witness of death! -A dying man's plea for mercy - and his eyes, his eyes staring into mine, the tears rolling down his cheeks ~
as I was his last vision of hope!

THE KNOWING

While this knight carried me around as a possesion, a trophy for his iron horse - and made me witness the most darkest of hhumanity!  - yes "humanity" the barbaric nature is shared within us all - we all have a potential to kill or purposely hurt another, whether out of nature's defense or just out of a blantent discovery, yet unknowing of the beast within! - I had witnessed many of these blantent rituals of the dark side of "Mankind"- where others, only accused, were tortured for fun and some even disposed of easily, and as I myself had been personally threatened - repeatedly - Just for "knowing" I had become a threat to these modern day barbaric knights! -

THE THREAT

In these nightmares, I hear the voice of the Knight who has entrapped me - calmly, with control, detailed words of sexual violence, angry torture, and even death!  - I feel his breath - as he wickedly smiles in my face - He looks through me like the devil incarnate.  I feel the chill of his mighty blade teasing my flesh, skillfully sliding across my throat and down my chest, with the tip of the kife, into my navel, as he plays God yet with another soul - mine!
 

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