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Name: Matthew Paul Weber
AKA: Webdog, Minnow, Footle, Webs...anything but Matt
DOB: 5-31-83
Height: 2x Tacl
Senior Award: "Most Likely to Get Skin Cancer"
Notorious For: Shooting little girls and old men with BB guns
Beverage: Mich. Golden Light
Weapon: sniper rifle (jerk), mouse, lightsaber
Girl of Dreams: Pamela Anderson
Most annoying habit: putting penis' on peoples computers
Quest: To find the perfect BBQ sauce
Jerk Points: Once hit fellow SJU Party Guy Joe with a bamboo stick in the face (+7)
Favorite bands, past and present: Gwar ('97) to the Counting Crows (nowadays). He owns a blue guitar.
Wild prophecy: Some says he is conspiring to capture ALF and try him with the new BBQ sauce he is searching for.
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The way to get known on the SJU campus is by being a skilled Halo player. Matt is definitely among the greats. People on the campus hear the name Weber and know him as the guy who rivals Keegan as Halo master. He can finger curl more than most midgets can bench, including the semi-large midgets. Weber would surely be a jedi had he been born in an adequate galaxy. His light sabre color would be silver like the Silver Bullet. However, if he were a jedi he would have a Superman like weakness, mustard or mayo would surely kill him if they came within 10 meters of him. One advantage he would have as a jedi would be his insane ability to distort his body in ways thought to be impossible. He is known for: the "scrunch face", the "platform neck", the "in", and the "out". If he doesn't freak them out with his freaky abilities he may scare them off with his in your face opinionated attitude with quotes like "fuck you and your fucking battery recommendation". Weber has a good family. They are very generous in a sense if there is anything he wants he will get it, which usually benefits us as well. Also if you are ever at his house around dinner time you can expect to be ordering some pizza due to the ever generous business extrodanaire Matt Sr. Then there is Stacey the sister, she is our hook up. He is one of the foolish party guys that is currently tied down with a girlfriend; just kidding Megan we love ya'. Weber embodies one special quality that all Party Guys must have to some degree: he's not afraid to drop the soap and go after it... |
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