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Ironic… that on today, of all days, it would rain.

Sitting in my room, I listen to the continuous sound of water drumming on the windows, as it cascades down the sides of the house, flows across the saturated yard and pools in the streets.  All is silent as death, on the outside, except for the constant hiss of rain hitting the pavement.  The miserable weather is fitting… but at the same time, there’s peace and quiet for the first time in weeks.

I can still remember what she said to me, once… I remember every blessed word she ever spoke… things she doesn’t even know she said… things I wish I never said… things I can never forget.  That’s what love does to you.

As I turn and stare through the window above my bed, it nearly changes my mind entirely… finally, I realize why she said it, and it wasn’t so childish after all.  Standing up, I crack the window open a bit – cautiously, and not enough to let in much rain – and I listen.  But the roar of the ever-increasing rain drowns out all else that I ever could have hoped or dreaded to hear.  Cold air flows in through the window and sinks to the floor.  I want to breathe it in; I want to stare into that blue-gray sky forever and think of what could have been; I want to run outside and dance in the rain, but these thoughts only make what’s coming more painful.  I begin to pace back and forth across the room, trying to find my way out of these memories, trying to detach myself from the dark thoughts that linger in my mind.

She controls me and doesn’t even know it.  She’s the only one who can make things okay, but she won’t.  There’s no turning back, now that I’ve worked myself into this miserable position.  Thunder rumbles in the distance.

Suddenly, the phone rings beside me.