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| Editor's Note: The following is one version of a story that appears in a different form later on in this issue. We thought since we have the space, we would share a work in progress. Sit back and take notes, notice what works and who doesn't. We'd like to hear what version you think better. Be sure to use concrete examples. This will not be graded only judged. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Listen up kiddies and let your Pappy tell you a story of intrigue and romance, of a familiar attraction to a femme fatale. Far from lurid and sordid this is a story of love and global warming. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| It all began on one of those famous chilly Minnesota nights. Pappy was a-sittin with his pal, Max the cat, watching Dan and Connie, or as Pappy used to call them, America's favorite news couple, on the evening news. Max was a-droolin and a-spittin food, and Pappy was sippin on a Snapple and puffing on his pipe. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Well, America's favorite news couple told a story about how a skater named Nancy K. was whacked across her knee by a big, burly bully. Nancy was trying out for the Olympic team and this incident seemed to throw a wrench, or some kind of large metallic object into her dreams. "Why me?" she cried over and over. "Shuddup," Pappy selfishly screamed at his TV. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| At the time, people took it as another crazy, random act of senseless violence. We were given analysis after analysis about the larger meaning of the attack, the continuing crumbling of society with lunatics at large. But as it all unfolded, it turned out that minions in Ms. K's competitor's camp had plotted the attack led by the (former?) husband and bodyguard of the spunky, young blonde from the wrong side of the tracks. There was a large conspiracy at work to arrange for this young blonde skater to eliminate Ms. K and clear a path towards the gold medal and endorsement money that athletics were all about. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Shocked and enthralled, the story gripped America tighter than a fifty below wind-chill, more shocking than yet another California earthquake. The events seemed beyond belief, beyond a Hollywood melodrama. It even had a bittersweet ending. Ms. K's competition's entourage was brought to justice, the competition run out of town, clearing the way for Nancy to win a bronze metal, and become an American generation's spokesperson for soup. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| "What happened to the blonde, Pappy?" one of the children queries. "Well son," Pappy says. "You now know her as mom." (The children let out an audible gasp.) | |||||||||||||||||||||
| "See when Pappy saw a wronged soul, he knew what he had to do, he had to meet this young woman and make her his wife. He didn't care about the accusations saying she was involved in the whacking. He saw a tough individual who even seemed to be thriving on the extra attention. But Pappy also saw beneath the tough exterior, a heart of a child. That her lower class upbringing became a motive for the attack seemed to him, unfair. Your Pappy himself was reminded of another time, of pool playin, whiskey drinkin, cigarette smokin, days when he would go and ponder the significance of it all by driving to Arizona and looking at a big hole in the ground. The journey we took is one I'd never leave behind." The children looked satisfied as well as confused and also a bit sleepy. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| "So go unlace your skates, kiddies, and I'll go help your momma fix the car. . ." | |||||||||||||||||||||
| "You've got me running in a figure of eight, don't know if I'm coming or going, I'm early or late. Round and round that ring I go, I want to know, I want to know." | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Disbelief, for some is an all too familiar state of affairs. One of the best quotes I've heard over the past few years came from George Harrison who was asked if he would consider participating in a "Beatles' reunion." "I will if John will," George said. So news this week of the three surviving fab four getting back together was a bit of a shocker. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| But not the big one. What a wacky week of news! What a series of events! The end result? I've given my heart away to that very special lil' figure skatin' lady. I've dispatched our correspondent to Portland to relay the message: "Get rid of that goofy Gilhooey and together we'll form the next Tai and Randy, or at the very least Whitney and Kevin. Marry me Tonya; dorky as I may be, I'm not as daffy as what you now face. This is too damn peculiar. I don't care what others say about you. I only care about us." What a pleasure to lift my own personal burden! To open up, to come forward with my feelings allows me to feel them. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Where did it begin? When did my feelings take root? It's hard to say, difficult to pinpoint. Shirley I was influenced by the low cut little homemade outfits. Misfits. Maybe it was the triple axle (write word wrong combination). The cigarettes? The all too familiar label of "rough around the edges"? | |||||||||||||||||||||
| What was the clincher? The timing was right, call it fate. Seeing my wife to be, kneeling on an engine, diagnosing a mechanical problem in her car just as I was having troubles with my own clutch. This woman has it all and is too good to believe. When she calls out for the clich�, "light at the end of this tunnel" I can forgive her and be there for her. At the very best she is guilty of hanging around the wrong crowd, and at the very worst I'll be there when she gets out of jail. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Cynics would say I'm only after the money of this woman with a now even more tainted reputation. But I would reply that besides the "Club" what other endorsements are in Tonya's future? No it's more than that. A gold medal is only worth so much, but true love overcomes all obstacles and dilemmas. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| True, I have always had a thing for figure skaters. Don't get me started about Katrina Witt (I swear it wasn't me on the tapes). But I would be the first to say Nancy Kerrigan is a ditz and that she benefits from this (OK she endured a horrible experience and a wounded knee) doesn't seem right. Grow up in the wrong part of the wrong town and you're labeled for life. Tonya will have to come to that realization sooner or later. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Sports scandals have been around longer than socks (not the kitty). Back in 1919 Joe Jackson and other members of the Chicago White Sox allegedly threw away the World Series. This led to the famous scene where a youngster approached "Shoeless Joe" in stunned disbelief and cried, "Say it ain't so Joe, say it ain't so." Now little girls with figure of eights in their eyes, and cranky, old state employees, might echo the phrase or maybe amend it to something like: "How's about a sauna Tonya?" | |||||||||||||||||||||