I remember seeing the first saunter

In a far away room

And the skunk eyes

That I couldn't forget

Stimulating subterfuge

Your statuesque arms

Sharing the experience

With another months later

And having you magically reappear

On that very day

I remember talking to you

Outside the restaurant cash register

Asking you how you liked

Your new job

I remember calling you the first time

Nervously talking about my false name

And yours too

And seeing you in the lobby

Of another far away place

Upon my return from Japan

I remember I felt an immediate trust

Placenta previa one in a million soul

I don't know why I sensed you knew

I loaned you my nametag

Because they hadn't made you one

And you wore my name

The proper one

With pride and humor

And told me you'd vote for me

If I ran for Secretary of State

I remember our first dinner together

At McGoverns in St. Paul

Near the hospital my mom

Had an operation

I couldn't get over the feeling

That of all the people in the room

I was with the most special one

That feeling

Has never subsided

And is one I never felt before

I remember my first visit to your home

After a conference

Following you through winding roads

Trying to keep up with you

On a sunny day

Your Pebbles hair

Bam Bam

I remember your first visit to my home

Mr. Max adored you

And your same game high scores

I remember your Susie Q. story

Losing a best friend

Her eyes in your eyes

And you letting me feel the power

And yet I always felt safe

I remember learning about Patrick Nagel

Your favorite artist

A passionate spirit

Art Deco, Exquisite predilection

And your mysterious allure

I remember your growing frustration

With a job that wasn't fair

From the start

I tried to listen and be supportive

I tried to be the best friend I could

Because it was what I was taught to do

I remember when I decided to leave my job

How you were there on my very last day

As you had been from the beginning

And it made me feel I was right

I remember our friendship blossoming

How I shared with you my feelings

How I told you you were

The most beautiful person I'd ever met

My standard of beauty from here on out

I remember giving you flowers

Because it made me happy to make you happy

I remember feeling a comfort of never before

Like I could tell you all

And you would care and treat me with that care

I remember you gave me a pocket calendar

That marked every day of

The most difficult year of my life

Trying to stay connected

But with it you too gave me a tire gauge

The only one who knew I needed one

After leaving mine behind

A useful reminder

To keep moving forward

But with measured care

I remember getting the call from my Dad

At the hospital

Mom had terminal cancer

I remember you were the first one I needed to call

I remember I needed to hear your voice

I remember getting off the line with my Dad

And curling up in a ball

I remember Mr. Max coming to my side

Sensing all was wrong

I remember your comfort was equally as strong

I remember you taking each and every one of my calls

And walking me through the esoteric anguish

The severed emotions

I remember the card you sent

Telling me if I needed to know

Someone cared

That you were someone

I remember taking the leap

Of faith

And trusting you with a trust I never had bared

I remember when all my friends' words rang hollow

How you just seemed to know what to say

How every one of our talks brightened

An impossible black day

I remember all your words of support

And actions that backed them

I remember how I never had such a friend

And how your timing couldn't have been better

Or worse

Because I truly needed you

I remember giving my Mom a cyclamen

The first plant I'd given her

Since my brother and I gave her

Johnny jump-ups on mother's day

And they still weed our yard

I remember how beautiful that plant was

Like Mom's smile

And yours too

That cyclamen lasted a long long time

Trying to stop time for just a moment

I remember sharing that thought with you

And you bought another cyclamen

Brought it to Mom

I remember meeting you at an old grade school

A mile from my parent's house

A mile from where my Mom now lie

I remember you following me there

And bringing Mom your plant

So proud at how you brought a smile to her

And her look of comfort as if I'd be OK

I remember after you left

And remembering I had forgotten

To show you the Vikings' hat

Autographed by Randall Cunningham

That my sister had gotten for Mom

And how she had worn it so proudly for me

Telling that to Mom as she got up

To watch you drive away

And she told me that it was OK

That you'd see it at the reception

I remember the week that was the end

The first time you'd ever let me down

The election conference I wanted to go to

And the ambivalent contradiction that you said

That prevented me from sharing one last moment

I remember calling you out of desperation

Hoping you'd call back

But you didn't

And I knew

It was something significant

I remember the morning my Mom

Let go

And I haven't been able to do the same

Unable to hold back the sobbing

that still continues to this moment

And how my Dad came over

And told me we'd somehow get through

When I should have been the one supportive

I remember calling you that morning

And how that made it just a little bearable

I remember the dreadful night before the funeral

The stressed family fight

How I thought I couldn't take any more

Coming home to a darkened house

And an ajar door

And a foreign object

A cyclamen plant you'd sent

That saved my life

And told me things would be OK

Even if they could never again be

I remember the day of the funeral

The awful public appearance

The strange sympathetic faces

The somewhat familiar faces

How I wondered if you would ever show

And when I saw you downstairs in the church

It was such a meaningful moment

On such a dreadful day

And how later on your way back to work

The touching message you left on my voice mail

I remember on the desperate days that followed

Without the one who truly got my point of reference

The memories and what it all meant

How much you meant to me

How opening my heart felt so right for the first time

I remember each and every one of the words you spoke

And your faith in me and life

Inspired me like never before

I remember a trust

And a wonderful heart

I remember all the missions you sent me on

To keep my mind focused

And distracted

Cold coffee drinks on Harriet Island

Meeting you downtown

I remember helping you get

Your dream job

And feeling useful for a moment

I remember your promised help

Slaying the demons I never left behind

I remember thumb and arm wrestling

In the Ramsey County lobby

Searching for talking Chihuahuas

And cold Dairy Queen fries

I remember visiting the cemetery

an unfurling and memorable moment

Beyond sympathetic to empathy

I remember shopping for a new wardrobe

A fresh step that would have made Mom proud

Impeccable taste, trusted opinion

I remember thinking it too good to be true

I remember making the decision not to go on

And letting you go before it became too much

I remember your low sodium visceral tears at Doolittle's

As you ate your potato skins

You're the kind of soul

Where if everyone else in the world

Had a silver naval ring

You'd be the only one with gold

A reminder that you were already involved

I remember you telling me of your runway model days

And the importance of taking

One baby step at a time

I remember you telling me of nearly dying

In North Dakota, ashen gray

Gasping for another breath

I remember watching you skate

At the Roseville Meals on Wheels 10K

You and your Dad, me and my Dad

An inspiration I'll never leave behind

I remember your incredible patience

And strength

Encouraging me in my search for a new job

Another chapter of my life

A call each day

Said you learned something every time we talked

Just like I remembered how to take a walk

Delivering phone books

On a summer night

With your keen sense of direction

I remember the Last Supper

At Jax, a fancy place to eat

I wanted to show you one tenth

Of the appreciation I felt

A friend like I have never known

For the first time feeling

That the more I shared

The more I got back

I remember playing friends

Praying in a voice I never quite knew

I remember Sammie

Sick and old

And that inevitable day

That she was gone

I remember taking Kurbie and Mocha for a walk

Sitting on a park bench

And telling you the final piece

Knowing you now knew more

Than anyone else had

Lone consolation believing I could share

I remember when you called

And told me Mocha was dead

The unbearable anguish in your voice

I hoped I could help

"I'm so sick of this," you said.

And then you said,

"How are you?  Because I worry about you."

I believed you

And being able to see clearly now

Breathless but so deeply indebted

I remember from beyond

the bottom of my heart

Looking forward to every moment

spent together

and never being disappointed

I remember not giving in

And pressing on

at a loss for words

to a skillful word absorber

Like a latent wind that disappears

I remember too much

To be able to let go

To be able to let go

What is left behind

I know I remember too much

Mixed emotions

Aren't the same as transfigured thoughts

I remember too much

if this is all that is left

I remember too much