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Power hunger
After sending that Justicar back charred, beaten and
empty handed with his Archons, I expected things to worsen for all of
us, as I and others did not believe that the Tremere or the Camarilla will just let
this go. So I gathered everyone and made sure we armed up, doubled
guards, making sure the Garou and Gangrel worked together for once, to
secure the borders. Knowing that mocking the Council in such a way will
only bring war. But for once I was not afraid as the power hunger really
had me in its grasp and would not let go. I thought us and especially
me, seeing how for once we all worked together, invincible.
There was only one voice, who I at the time did not listen to, which
kept telling me to thread carefully. A quiet voice, but I did not even
want to hear it, a voice from someone so close, that it almost hurt as
it grew louder in my mind. Someone who really cared for me.
My husband....
While he saw what was happening to me, I grew more and more blind to
the urge of gaining power and prestige. While he tried to pull me back
from the edge of the knife, I was determined to ride it, not even
considering who I would drag down with me if I failed. Not seeing that I
made us all outcasts, as none of the Kindred in this area just stood up
and said, enough is enough and if they did, they usually mysteriously
vanished after I had a little chat with them. I was so blind to what
everyone thought that I did not note how everyone started to become
afraid of me, as they saw how I dealt with those who opposed me. While
at the same time I cared less about anyone but myself. Perhaps that was
the start of my downfall as I fell into a spiral which only went
downwards from then on. All the playing politics went out the door and
the more I was able to kill or devour, the crazier and darker I seemed
to grow.
I did not realize that one loses humanity if they
lived my lifestyle, plus it seems that the older you grow either you get
a grip on things or you are out to run into the wall of your own fate. I
also did not realize that the darker my soul grew the more distant my
husband became to me, not to talk about my children. My Son at the time
was at the point to deny that I was his mother while I did not even hear
the cry of my daughter who it pained to see me like this. But, why did I
not care? Why did I did not give a fuck?
The first breaking point came when of course the Sabbat
became wind of how useful I could be to them, with how powerful I was,
while I was still feeding my mind with more knowledge over the books I had
still in my possession. I learned to see how powerful dark Thaumaturgy
(magic) can be and the more I learned the more I wanted to know.
That is when I had my first outfall with my husband, I never had seen him
this mad. We fought so hard that afterwards we both were lying on the
ground bleeding profoundly. Unfortunately this set my mind even more to
where I wanted to continue, where I wanted to join the Sabbat ranks. But
as before, I lied to him and said, that I would try to change.
Lying came so easy to me anymore, words were out of my
mouth before I really even thought about what I said. As long as at the
time it seemed to benefit me...and me only.
 
 
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