For me to tell
a little about myself.
Please excuse the incoherency, its late and I'm an insomniac, but then again, what kind of geek would I be if I slept?
I was born
August 24th in Frankfurt Germany, some 39 years ago. I grew up and lived there
until I was about 25, before I married a military service member, which of
course brought me to the United States. At first we lived for 4 years due to
the military in Fort Polk, Louisiana before we once again got moved to El
Paso, Texas, where we lived another 4 years. There I found the fun in
Role-playing, due to gaining a friend who did that on constant base with her
husband. Next to that I found my love for computers and all its wonders it can
hold. I learned to role-play online and even started my own channel which went
rather well and found my passion of creating WebPages. Though from there
things kind of went for me into the shitter, cause my husbands hidden passion,
which was gambling finally had itself unraveled to me, next to that cheating
on me suddenly was ok for him. I finally also realized I was the bird in the
golden cage, which was not allowed to do anything. He even got mad if I had
friends and did his darnest to get rid of them.
Of course, no woman should put up with this and I didn't.
By now, mother
of 2 beautiful children, I just decided to up and move to Iowa, where at the
time my mother even happily lived. Having a ground base to restart my life, I
just did that. I went to school to get at least a descent job and I'm
supporting my kids and me alone due to the Father of my children being rather inconsistent
in paying child support.
I have always had a sort of twisted love for the darker aspects of life. I was actually raised as a
protestant, but I left all that behind because I don't believe in joining institutions (and brick buildings) to show who or what I exactly
and truly believe in.
For the past 4 years, I have been struggling with an anxiety disorder (panic attacks), Depression and hypertension (too high of a blood pressure), which led to severe
headaches, dizziness and trouble with my vision. Though before stroking, my
doctor told me to cut out my stress. To slow down. Though that's easier said
then done, because suddenly those you thought once friends, suddenly turned
their backs and held no ethics. They don't care how you truly are or how you
feel, you are just a name, a nick or whatever.
You say: My god
this woman is bitter!
But after all
this, do you honestly wonder?
Here is one
of my favorite poems which fully reflects how I feel towards those who littely
just used me only to turn their backs on me during my downtime..
(Sorry
if it offends you, it shouldn't, if you were not part of it)
Fuck You
I hate who you are,
I hate what you've done,
You've gone way to far.
You've part of who made my life hell,
and I damn you to it.
You'll know what its like,
when one will put you though it.
The pain, the anger,
the sadness the tears.
I wish upon you all of my fears.
Fear of love,
fear of rejection.
Fear of death
Fear of life with no ones protection.
I want you to know,
what a hell my life's been and
I pray that you'll pay,
for all of my dismay.
Anyway to make things shorter, after I said what had to be said. I closed my
Role-play Channel which I ran for 8 years straight and laid it into the hands
of a so called friend who then conveniently lost the channel registration due
to that he forgot to log into it every so often, so it remained
registered to him, seeing how he had been with the channel forever. But you
know what?
I can or could care less. Once I closed my channel in my mind, I did not want
to have anything to do with it anymore and I will never nor did I even think
about one day re-opening it.
Though its
worth mentioning that I met someone during my time where I had that channel,
who is now living with me and who has a patience of an Ox. Due to all of my
health problems and past I'm not an easy person to be with let alone love. Due
to all my past experience with men I have a hard time trusting anyone let
alone show love in return. But this one just wont give up on me. I don't thing
I deserve him. Yes a relationship has its up and downs and yes fights are
normal but sometimes I think I am letting him down in all aspects of our
relationship due to being unable to come out of my shell which I build over
time around me.
Nevertheless
he supported me with every decision I made, even the one that I stopped
Role-playing all together in Role-play channels, even though I tried for a
little while to Role-play elsewhere, in a again so called friends channel only
to be backstabbed again. I made that role-play channels website only to that
then it was said by the owner of the channel that she had done it all, trying
to claim credit to it. So you see what I mean with that all I ran into
internet wise were liars. Well as quickly as the website was up, as quickly it
was gone again too, including me from the channel. Then I tried a small
channel which did not work out due to that deep inside of me, I was
really done with Role-playing. I did not even have the desire to go on...
So I do have to apologize to
those who thought we could start something nice, which turned out to be
nothing after all, due to me. I know my depression has a lot to do with it, but
I could have at least told everyone in person that I won't be around anymore,
instead of just vanishing.
So again......I Sincerely apologize!
I hope in some ways we can still remain friends and perhaps chat on yahoo or
msn here and there, even though you won't find me much online anymore, as my Puter
is becoming more a paper weight then anything else.
The still
play some games here and there. Where it does not matter if you don't care to
make friends and if you want to remain to yourself. If you care to join me
there go here:
Ravenblack Vampire Board Game
Oh yes and then you can catch
me every so often playing at:
Pogo Games Website
You find me there under
Sirod24866
You find me there under Pandora Pendragon
or Hermione Dragoon
Or then you can find me also
at night during the week at:
Its a 3D virtual reality
Community and I hang out on Travelersnet under the nick Foxy^Lady. A name
given to me my one of the owners who thought it would fit me. Her name is
Baby.
But that's about it for my
Computer use.
Well its getting late and my meds
are kicking in, so I better get the hell out of here too so I wont talk
gibberish.
To all those who cared or still
care for me, thank you, may your souls be blessed. For the rest?
Go To Hell!!!
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