| The door shut behind them. It closed with a great grating sound, and slammed. Everyone jumped, except Vash. Quietly, he slipped a dart into the blowgun, getting ready and hoping the dart would be enough and he wouldn�t be forced to use his last six bullets. He stepped to the side slightly, waiting for hell to break loose like it always did right about now. Marron stood next to him, facing into the cavern. �Where did you take us?� Marron asked, his sword drawn. He was searching the darkness in the many tunnels, they stretched onwards, fading out of site. �Here. You�re here.� The figure that they had followed had backed partway up, in the center of the open space. Bowing downwards until it touched the ground, it continued. �The balance.. Breaking it.� �Wolfwood-� Zel started. �That isn�t Wolfwood.� Vash said. The figure twisted it neck in a painful looking way to scrutinize them. �Knew. You knew.� It said, sounding curious. Straightening up, it grew taller, thinner, the hair returning to its shoulder length ragged mop, the hands re-dividing into the long, thin, pointed fingers. It shrugged the smoke blue cloak off. �You follow, but you know.� �I want answers, and I want to know where Wolfwood is.� Vash said. The creature shrugged. �Lazuri, danger. They balance.� �Lazuri?� Vash asked. The creature nodded. �Lazuri bad. Bad bad bad. Stop the Lazuri. Have to stop them. Balance bad. Lazuri balance, Lazuri bad.� It shook violently, straightening up. It hands melted into long, thin hooked blades. �Lazuri die. Lazuri scream. Lazuri blood�� �So you killed him and now your going to try to kill us.� Chocolate snarled. �No.� �You didn�t kill him? Then where is he?� Vash asked. �Not kill you, Lazuri.� The creature corrected. �Doppelgangers not kill you. The Nyth will.� And then it turned, fast, the long blades digging into the ground as it fled into the shadows. It was followed with a hail of darts, several throwing stars and the razor wire the Chocolate had found in the bottom of the box. Whether they hit or not was hard to tell, but they didn�t find the creature. �The nyth? Marron, have you heard of it?� �No. Zelgadis?� �Doesn�t ring a bell. Vash? Are you alright?� Vash was carefully picking up the fallen darts, prying some out of the wall. He also picked up the throwing stars and returned them. His face was blank, almost slack. �Vash?� �Yes?� He tilted his head. �Are you alright?� I was just told that that my friend, the only person I knew, was killed again, how the hell do you think I am? He felt like screaming at them, but didn�t. It wasn�t their fault. It wasn�t their fault, it was his. It was always his� Vash started to mentally shut down, his body going on autopilot. (Oh, by the way, and I do apologize for this not very congruent tidbit, it should been noted that they entire little group took the tunnel to the far left. Good? Good.) Actually, that this exact, precise-ish moment Wolfwood was starting to wake up. He felt like hell, his head hurt, and he wasn�t very comfortable, but considering where he had passed out he really wasn�t doing to bad, aside from the fact his vision was blurry and all he could see was a great, big, black and white swirling mass. Blinking didn�t seem to help, but it was better than being dead. Unless he was dead� Arrgh!! This indecision was getting on his nerves. The dense swirling was starting to make him nauseous, and he rolled to his side. Now all he could see was glistening green. He blinked again, then carefully focused. The green was brilliant, shimmering, and scaled. Each individual scale was about the size of a coin, and felt smooth and warm. He rubbed them, and the green twitched spastically. �Stop that!� A female voice, somewhere above him. The green wall in front of him moved, and he scrambled to his feet. Well, he tried to, but the ground under him was moving. He fell back onto his butt, making his head spin until the moving stopped. Getting slowly to his feet, he looked at the speaker. From the waist up she was pretty, with a slender waist and simple-but-rich looking bodice. She had long, long auburn hair that went below her waist and a circlet around her head with a Ying-yang on her forehead. From the waist down though, she was serpent, one long, thick glistening tail that was who-knows-how-long and coiled around him so he stood in the center of the clearing. She was looming above him, looking down. �What the hell are you?� �Your welcome.� She said, smiling. �For what?� �Did you think your being nailed to a wall was a dream?� She asked, tilting her head. �The powers I work for brought you to me and saved your life. They also gave you those.� �Who?� �I�ll explain in a moment. Right now, you need to check yourself over.� She shifted, until her coils were sprawled and her head was even with his. �Why?� He asked, looking down. His hands felt slightly stiff, and his shoulder felt like he had slept on them wrong but other than that, there were no scars ( that hadn�t been there before) or wounds. He twisted slightly to check his back- �What the hell!!!!� �Do you like them?� Her tone was the exact same tone your grandparents take when they ask if you like you annual assortment of socks. �I have wings!!!!� He did. They were very large, an assorted patterned of dark stripes on every feather and creamy beige�s underneath. Like a hawk. Quite possible stolen from a very large red-tail or maybe a golden eagle, though that makes them eagle wings and not a hawks wings and totally defeats the purpose of describing them as hawk-wings. Now that I remember though, they might have been closer to that of a sparrow or a finch but to save what little dignity Wolfwood may have left by the end of this we�ll say hawk. I leave the species up to you. �Yes. They look nice on you, you�ve got such broad shoulders anyway.� �Why do I have wings?� �Because it was the most they could agree on.� �I�m,, I�m an angel?� �Errrrrr.� She paused, biting her lip. �Well, I suppose, technically, but your very low ranking if you are.� She said finally, one hand on her hip. �You actually had them as soon as they brought you back, but they were hoping you�d sort of earn them on your own. Try flapping them.� �Who are you?� �I�m the head priestess, actually the only priestess, of the opposing forces of the universe.� She recited dutifully. �My name is Feru. I already know who you are.� �Thank you.� Wolfwood wondered what proper thanks would be for being given wings. �Your welcome. This whole thing is partially my fault though, I should have kept those damn doppelgangers in their places� They�ve been getting more and more daring ever since�- She stopped, her brow furrowing. �I wonder if there�s anything in the library that�d make them back off?� �A doppelganger? Is that what attacked me?� �Yes. Aren�t they annoying? Shape-changing meanies, their chaos born.� She looked at him, then explained. �Chaos born mean that some sort of major unbalance occurred in the cosmos, and as a result a few new species were spat out. Don�t worry, the chaos born can be from the opposite side of the spectrum.� �Oh.� �Did it happen to say why it wanted you?� �It said I was a Lazuri, and that I would restore the balance.� �Ahhh. That makes sense. They hate balance.� �What is it and why do they think I�ll restore it.� �Well, you might. I wish you would, it�d make my job easier. The systems been out of whack ever since someone started pulling in power sources for something. Damned fools even raising the dead for extra juice.� �Okay, thats it!! I want you to explain exactly what the hell in going on here!!! Why am I here, why do I have wings, why are there trees-� �Excuse me?� She twisted to look at the swirls. �I�m sorry.� She was talking upwards, to the ceiling. �How much can I tell him?� Her head tilted. �Alright.� �And what are those?� �Those are the opposing forces, or at least their physical manifestations. One is all for telling you everything, the other wanted to leave you bleeding on the wall.� Feru made a face. �I really can�t tell you much, but I can tell you where your friends are. I can also tell you that the map is important, you should go back and get it if you can. Oh, and as you are an angel, albeit a really low ranking one, I�m required to arm you.� �Where are my friends?� �The Doppelganger took on your appearance and led them into the labyrinth.� �When?!� �About three seconds ago. Time travels very fast inside this temple when they want it to, As far as anyone on the outside knows, maybe twenty minutes have past. They just brought our time back into sync, so I�m going to talk fast try to keep up. If you go out that door and follow the second path to the left, then you�ll end up back in the village. Get the map, then use it to find the maze. Got it? Good. The maze is loaded with riddles, creatures, and false leads, so I wish you luck with that. Now all I need-� She was rearing up again, but not menacingly. Digging vigorously through the shelves, she finally produced a bundle. �Yeah!!� She smiled brightly, tossing it down to him. The weight almost knocked him over. �Is it to heavy?� �No, but,� Pulling off the oiled rags, he pulled out a large, two-handed sword. �What am I supposed to do with this?� �Fight. Protect yourself. Restore balance, yadda-yadda peace truth justice equality, and any other fun stuff you happen to like.� She shrugged. �The current balance is slanted against that stuff, so if you go out there all gung-ho�- Wolfwood winced slightly- �guns blazing and so forth, we might break even. Oh, don�t worry their really easy to use. The pointy end goes into the other man.� �Why don�t you do it?� Feru dropped fast, her bent down. �One, it�s not my place. In spit of that though, I would, but-� She twisted her coils, until he could see the tip of her tail. It had been knotted somehow, and someone had driven a stake though the mass. �I�m trapped here.� She said, �I can�t really remember how long, time is so screwy in here.� �Who did that?� Feru frowned. �I don�t want to talk about it. Now, you have to hurry.� She was pushing him now, and he realized that whatever made him fail his arms also made him flail his wings. �I would suggest jumping off something tall to get flying, instinct will probably take over, just don�t think to much. I think they did something else for you, but I�m not allowed to say. After you get back in the group and out of the Labyrinth, feel free to come back, but right now their in serious danger.� �Can�t you tell me how to just get to the damn thing?� �NO!!! You need the map!!� She sighed, and bent her head down. �Listen, I know a lot about you, and your strange blond friend. I don�t want to see anything bad happen to-� �So give me more information!� He said desperately, grabbing her shoulders. She jumped, looking startled. Desperately trying to push the rather vivid image of being crushed to death in her coil, he kept talking. �I need to know what I�m getting into! What sort of trouble did that spiky moron get himself into this time? What the hell is going on, and who else has been brought back from the dead?!?!� She opened her mouth, then bowed her head. �It�s not my choice. I would tell you everything If only I could, but I can�t. The forces have decided that you can�t be helped by me.� �Why?� He shook her slightly. �I don�t know why. I can�t go against them! If I did something to help you now without asking, they�d be pissed! If I was even to give you a hint or slip you something in the rags around that sword,,� She shrugged off his hands. �If you can get back here,, The green paths lead to me,, their quickest,, then I may be able to tell you more. I will tell you more, but first you have to beat the maze. Please, before that Doppelganger works up the nerve to kill someone else.� She handed his the rags. �Where did you say the village was?� He asked. She pointed down the trail. �Thank you Feru.� �I didn�t do anything.� She said, smiling. �Good luck.� He turned, starting off down the footpath. �Nicholas D. Wolfwood, there is one more thing� you should tell him.� He stopped and turned, but she was leaving, and all he could see was part of her coils. Gourry woke up with a book stuck to his face. Well, actually, it was more like a page that had torn out of the book was stuck to his face. He�d tried to read it, he really had, but it had been so boring with such big words and such tiny little print��� Yawning, he sat up, picking the stray piece of paper off his face. The sudden loud thump reminded him why he had woken up, and he lazily stumbled down the stairs. He wandered automatically to the kitchen, and found the small room filled with a set of chestnut colored wings. �Hello?� �Gah!� Wolfwood tried to sit up from his bent over position under the table, and hit his head painfully. �Gourry? What are you doing here?� �I was sleeping. Why do you have wings?� �Umm, they were a gift.� He was back on all four, having to skwinch (is so a word) down under the table. �What are you doing?� �I dropped one of the little things that was in the box.� �Oh.� �Why are you here? I though Feru said that you left with the fake me.� �You mean the other people aren�t here?� Gourry asked, looking around. �Who�s Feru?� �The snake lady priestess.� �Like a Dragon Maiden?� �A what?� �A Dragon Maiden, like Filia. Oh, you probably don�t know her.� �No, I probably don�t.� Wolfwood said, picking up the little green carved rock he had dropped. He set it on the corner of the map, and smoothed it out a little. �Okay, I�m looking for a Labyrinth�� Gourry leaned over his shoulder. �What does a Labyrinth look like?� �I don�t know,, the map has no names on it anywhere. I wish Feru had been able to show me the way-.� He broke off. The map had gone blank. �What�d you do?� �I don�t know!!!� The map went back to normal, the thin lines popping back up out of the creamy back round. �What sort of map is this?� �It�s a magic map.� Gourry said like it was obvious (actually, it sorta was, if jellyfish for brains could get it). �Aha.� Wolfwood stared at it for a second, then sighed. What they hell, it was worth a shot� �Where�s the Labyrinth?� Nothing. �Uhh,, Show me the Labyrinth? No,, Please show me the Labyrinth�.� Nothing. It was refusing to budge. �Show me the way to the Labyrinth please?� At first there was nothing, but as he opened his mouth to try again, a thin red line appeared in the corner of the map. It snaked across the images, slithering between the painted mountains and disappearing for a second before coming to a halt. On end was in the picture of the tiny village, and the end with the x on it stopped at a small hill. �Thank you god.� Wolfwood muttered, folding the map back up and tossing it into the box. He grabbed the sword on the way out the door. �Come on Gourry, we�re kinda it a hurry here.� �Where�d you get that?� Gourry said, looking at the weapon. �Same place I got the wings.� Wolfwood said matter of factly. �Same place I got these.� He held up a wrist to show the black leather cuffs that protected his forearms. �The Snake lady?� �Feru. Her name was Feru.� �Oh. Why are we in a hurry?� �Because..� Wolfwood stopped and backtracked mentally for a minute. �Okay, here�s what happened-� And he explained his wandering off, getting almost killed, and all the other fun stuff he had been informed of. �Got it?� �No.� �Goo- what? Were you listening?� �Yes.� �What did you get?� �Doppelgangers bad, and umm, well, actually, that�s all I really understood.� �Well,, that�s the important part, I suppose.� �Oh, I also got the part where you should jump off something tall to learn to fly.� �I�m not really in that big a hurry to try that yet.� Wolfwood said blandly. �At least you�re not having cravings anymore-� Gourry said cheerfully �What?� �Well, you hands aren�t shaking, and you not fidgeting.� �How could anyone so dense be able to pick up-� Wolfwood stopped and concentrated on walking. It was true though, he hadn�t had an urge to smoke since he�d woken up. �What�s a Labyrinth?� �Ummmmmm,,,,,,� Marron glanced at Vash again, hoping he�d be okay, if only because they would probably need his help. Still it was a lot to expect that he would take his friends death in stride. The tunnel seemed to stretch on forever, their footsteps echoing loudly. �Maybe a Nyth is just a place to let people starve to death?� Chocolate suggested, talking to Zelgadis. Zelgadis grinned suddenly. �Well, then I�m safe! No one can eat stone!� �We might break you into rubble out of spite.� She answered. �You might try.� They kept walking, for what seemed like another hour, until they came to the end of the tunnel. It was a blank wall, a smooth white panel of marble. �Guess we picked the wrong tunnel.� Marron said, starting to turn. Chocolate looked at it, glared, and started to spew out a lot of words that she isn�t suppose to know (bad Chocolate!), finishing up with, �and we walked all that way for nothing?� �Now calm down-� �NO!� I will not calm down! I refuse to calm down!!! I walked an hour and a half, and if I have to walk through these Godforsaken tunnels another hour and a half, it will be through NEW Godforsaken tunnels!!!� She was screaming, and suddenly flung out with her wire. The wall screamed twisting, Blue green liquid poured from it, and the wall turned black. Snapping back into it shape, the doppelganger collapsed, leaning on the wall. Before anyone had a moment to react, Chocolate had her hands around its neck. �AH!!!� It yelled, before it was getting its air supply cut off. �You-listen-to-me-you�-more bad words. We need to wash her mouth out later.- �-creature-what-the-hell-are-you-up-to?!?!?� She punctuated each word by banging it head against the wall. It�s eyes were rolling madly, and it�s hand we occupied with trying to slow the bleeding from the deep flesh wound in it stomach. Vash grabbed her arms, trying to pry her off the not looking happy thing. �Don�t! You�ll kill it!� �That the general idea!!!� �You can�t!� He yelled, brain racing suddenly. �Please don�t! Don�t kill it! Don�t I�m begging-� �You should want it dead too,, what the hells the matter with you?� She snapped. �Please.� He stopped trying to pry her loose, letting his hand just rest on her shoulder. She relaxed her grip slightly, and gave Vash a measured look. Then she turned back to the Doppelganger. �Just because I�m letting you breathe doesn�t mean I won�t change my mind.� �Thank you.� Vash said softly then turned to the creature as well. �Where�s Wolfwood?� �Dunno. Not the one�.� It said, gasping. �Been here�. Blocking� stop you� not the one�.� �How many of you are there?� Chocolate asked. �Guess.� It said, fairly coherently. Chocolate banged it against the wall. �Wrong answer.� She said, glaring. �We create. We become, we are many.� It said, frightened. �We live in the off balance. We want no balance, we want to live plenty.� �What�s this balance?� Marron asked. �It�s� everything.� The creature said. It color was fading. �Stand.� �What?� Marron, noticing the sudden color change. �What�s happening? Chocolate, let go of it.� She did, and it made a visible effort to stand, almost falling. Vash gently propped it up letting it lean on him. �Let stand. Not, able�- it gargled suddenly, but kept talking-�die, turn stone, push other, turn white, till shift-� It grimaced, then it�s face went calm. �Thank you.� All the color was gone it�s eyes fading last. �It turned into a statue?� Chocolate asked, flicking it. �Ow!� She stuck her finger into her mouth. �Apparently.� Marron looked surprised. Vash took a step back carefully, waiting to see if it was capable of standing alone. It did. �What do you think it was talking about? What balance?� Zel asked, slightly creeped out. �Maybe some sort of power balance.� Marron said. �Let�s keep going. At least now we know how to handle any walls.� Vash tested the ground with the toe of his shoe, but realized it was way too hard to bury it. The others were already on the move, trying to figure out what the doppelganger had meant, but he could catch up. �At least you�re your own monument, right?� he said finally, sadly, then followed after. �Okay,,,,,,,,,,, Now what?� Wolfwood asked rhetorically, looking at the large, heavy sliver and wood door. Gourry leaned forward, looking at the trim. �This be the labyrinth,, Home to forgotten lore And lurking ancient myth Beyond this one-way door� Gourry ready this in s steady tone, which was impressive considering that the words started next to the ground, arched up over the frame, and went all the way back down damn near forming a circle. �Gee, how nice.� Wolfwood said. �How the hell did that dopple-freack talk those guys into this thing? You think at that least one of them would have read the warning label.� �It�s a warning?� �No, it�s the nutritional information.� Wolfwood muttered. Trying to pull on the knob, but finding there was no knob. Kneeling, he ran his fingers along the crack. �Help me figure out how to get in.� �Try knocking.� Wolfwood stood up, very still and staring blankly ahead with something that resembled a look of extreme nausea voyaging across his face. Bong, bong, bong The door boomed like a great, ancient gong, and slowly swung open. �Uhh, Wolfwood?� �Yes.� �Are you going in?� �As soon as I finish praying.� �Why are you praying now?� �I�m hoping the good Lord will, in His mercy, either kill me now or deliver me from this hell. Amen.� �Uhh, Wolfwood?� �I�m almost done.� �Yeah, sure, but I think you need to blink.� Wolfwood shut his eyes, having the unpleasant sensation of his dried eyeballs re-hydrating themselves. Muttering something that sounded a lot more like a sailors vocabulary than something you would pick up in a parish,, he walked steadily into the cool, awaiting darkness. �Which tunnel do you want to-� Gourry stopped. Wolfwood was trudging straightforward, down the tunnel right in front of him. �But that one might have traps!� �Did you not read the sign on the door? They probably all have traps.� Wolfwood said. �Hurry up.� The door slammed shut behind them. �Hey, there�s something on the back of the door!!! You fools may think your full of luck, The labyrinth will kill you stupid- Hey,, what rhymes with luck? The last word�s missing. Hey! Wait for me!� Falling into step beside Wolfwood, he began to whistle. Wolfwood felt an intense of agitation, then gave up. If Gourry was anything like Vash in moron mode, nothing short of an act of God (whom he was quite sure was laughing his ass off right now) would make him act differently. In fact, he found himself humming along (he can�t whistle. Poor Wolfwood. I can�t whistle either, it�s really said I just go pbbth and I don�t think that right- what? You want me to go to the story? Okay�) cause it was a catchy tune. They were going quite well to the came to the end of their tunnel. It ended in a room, a kind of chisel out square like cavern that was very small with two large, heavy doors on the far wall. One was black, and one was white. �Well, which one do you want to go through?� Wolfwood asked. �You�re asking me?� Gourry had to stop to think of that last time someone had asked him an important question like that, one that had so much to do with their course of action. Five minutes later. �Gourry?� Twenty minutes after that,,, �Gourry!!! PICK ONE!� �Sorry. Umm, what do you think? On one hand, generally the white door means good, but it might actually be bad and just be painted white to trick us. Or maybe they just want us to think that they want to trick us and the white doors good but they know we won�t pick it because we think it might be bad.� �Or their both safe.� Wolfwood said. �But you said the place is probably loaded with traps.� Gourry said. �I�m trying to think ahead.� �Don�t. You�ll hurt yourself.� Wolfwood said. �Gotta coin? We�ll just flip for it.� �Okay.� Gourry pulled out a silver coin, and sent it spinning skyward. It clattered down, and spun for thirty seconds before clattering to a stop. �It�s tails.� �Good.� �So what door was tails?� �I though you assigned that!� �It was your idea to flip the coin.� Gourry said. �Doesn�t that mean you have to decide?� �It�s your coin, doesn�t that mean you get to pick?� �Maybe we should just go find a different tunnel.� Wolfwood handed him back the coin. �There has to be some other way to choose�. Oh, the hell with it. Enny Meany miney Moe,,,,� Feru was watching. She may not have been able to affect anything outside her personal sphere of influence, but she could watch things happen in a much larger range. At the moment she had a very, very large map of the Labyrinth spread out in fount of her, with little magic chess pieces moving around to represent the six adventures. Adventures, Chosen ones, those lucky few,,, whatever the powers were calling them today. They were a fickle pair, about the only really steady thing in their world was their agreement to disagree. They had found out about the bracers she�d given Wolfwood as a gift, and were currently arguing as to where or not she should be punished. Feru grinned. Of all the guardians of the balance in this world, she was the only one with the patience for their airhead antics. They�d never get rid of her. The little pieces were moving again, apparently the black door had won. Well, it was the safer of the two, really, if a little more degrading. She giggled suddenly, remembering some of the challenges. The Labyrinth wasn�t lethal, well, usually, but it was meant to be a test of valor and so forth for and those big, stupid bo-hunk heroes who wanted to make quick names for themselves. Considering the pigheaded, stupid chauvinistical attitudes of most of these wannabes, the vast majority of the challenges in the maze had to do with intelligence (witch most were lacking) and the ability to swallow their pride and do stupid, stupid stuff like ballroom dancing, being forcing into anything pink, and (oh horrors) recite literature. As if that wasn�t bad enough, everything that happened was visible through the hundreds of magic mirrors inside the maze. As in, everyone in the maze could see what everyone else was being forced to do, so you knew that someone could see you. They didn�t know that yet though. They probably wouldn�t until they found each other. That�d be funny, it was a damn shame she had to miss it. Oh well. The map flickered for a second, and she frowned. Doppelgangers. She could sense them. More were starting to form, she could feel it all the way down her tail. In the maze. Miserable creatures, they were way beneath her on the food chain and she hated them almost as much as they feared her. Her breath formed a soft hiss, and she drummed her fingers on the map. She hoped they made it out alright, it was normally just humiliating with a few scraps and cuts, but with the doppelgangers in there�.. Maybe she could work out a way to help them, but she doubted it. Was worth a try though,, if she could get the powers to stop bitching long enough to listen. She glanced at the map again, and smirked. Poor Marron and Zel, they�d just walked into the first challenge of the day. Pity she was going to miss it. �What does it say again?� Chocolate asked, feeling very sure that the words Marron had just uttered were not possibly what he had meant� �In order to cross this path to pride, Honor and glory First you must set it aside And each tell a bedtime story.� Marron repeated. �Oh, and theres a P.S.,,, �it had better be good��.� �Are you sure that�s what it says?� She asked again. �You can read just as well as I can.� Marron said. �And the door won�t open. It has no handle on it.� �You could always try stabbing it, Chocolate.� Zel said smirking. �Well, at least there�s a place to sit down.� She said, ignoring the comment and kicking a large, fluffy pillow across the floor. There were a bunch of them, and they were actually nice but the incongruity of their presence was disturbing. Vash was already sitting on one, waiting. �Who gets to start?� �You don�t seriously think we�re going to do that, do you?� Chocolate said in disbelief. �You�re the one who didn�t want to turn around and go back. You picked this tunnel, your stuck with it.� Vash said with a fairly cheerful grin. The others seemed to share his sentiments, collecting pillows until they were all sitting or (this is Zel) semi sprawled in a semi circle. They looked at her with maddening patience, and she gave up and plunked down. �Fine. But I�m not going first.� �Do they want a little children�s bedtime story, or, like, a real story?� Vash asked. �Well, if the door doesn�t open we�ll just tell more. We can start with children�s though, they�re short.� Marron suggested. �And I�m not going first either.� �I will.� Zel said suddenly. �Unless you want go first?� �Go ahead. I�ll go next.� Vash said, shrugging and flopping backwards. �Alright then- Once upon a time, a long long time ago, There was a pathetic little rabbit-� �I like bunny rabbits!� �Shut up and wait until it�s your turn.� Zel said, annoyed. �Yeah Vash, you get to go next.� Chocolate added. �If I may? Thank you� There was a pathetic little rabbit that wanted to protect his family from the infinitely smarter and better looking fox. He tried to make a trap for the fox, but the fox walked around it and ate his little sister. He tried to attack the fox, but the fox growled at him and he ran away while his little brother was devoured. One way or another the same thing happened to his cousins, his parents, his grandparents, and his pet grasshopper. Finally, insane from grief and loneliness, the pathetic little rabbit went to the evil Mole of the fields and begged for the strength to defeat the Fox. �What do you want me to do for you?� (Zel crossed his arms and looked foreboding, and they went with it, shrinking back.) �I want to be strong so I can defeat the wicked fox who has killed my family!� (now his voice was high and squeaky, and he had his hands clasped in front of him) �Are you sure? I can do that, but first you have to sign this contract.� �Alright, I�ll sign it!!� �Do you want to READ it first?� �Why would I do that? As long as I�m strong enough to beat Mr. Smarmy Fox I�ll be fine.� The soon to be strong but still currently pathetic little rabbit said, signing without bothering to look at the twenty-five pages of annotated small print. (Zel was sounding slightly bitter by now, can you blame him?) So the evil Mole of the fields grinned, muttered something about �one every minute�, and used all of his dark powers to alter the no longer quite as pathetic as before rabbit into something altogether different. (Note that by this point, Zel is on his feet, actively acting out all of this, with some really cool special effects for the magic bits.) So the rabbit that was not a rabbit went back to his warren and waited, patiently, for the very suave and debonair fox to return. The fox showed, exactly when he was supposed to, and looked around. �Gee, I wonder where that pathetic little rabbit went.� The pathetic little rabbit was now three feet tall. (Zel is acting the part of the rabbit now, very fierce and menacing.) It walked boldly up to the fox, and proceeded to grin. �Who are you?� �I�m the HARE-bringer of your doom!� (Everyone groaned.) Then the rabbit lashed out with his new found, great, sharp fangs and- (Zel went in to a highly descriptive and detailed account of how the rabbit, ahem, �tore the bastard to smithereens� and �blasted him into next week�. There was blood, gore, and lots of it as the fox was dismembered, decapitated, and defiled in various deviant designs. It was really impressive, and had the audience deeply disturbed.) �STOP!!!!� Vash yelled, interrupting the part where the fox� head was being used as a soccer ball. �We Get The POINT!!! Finish already!� Zel stopped, realized he was balance on one foot in imitation of a kick, and regained himself. �When sufficently sated with the blood of his enemy, with now ran through the grass like a river-� �ZEL!� �Sorry�..� So the little rabbit returned to the Mole. �I would like to be changed back to normal now!� �Fat chance. You�re stuck like that. Maybe you should have read the fine print.� And with that, the fat mole disappeared into the earth never to be seen again. Once again, the rabbit was consumed with rage, and he spent the rest of his days hunting down the mole until a group of horrified villagers stoned him to death because of his hideous appearance.� Zel sat back down, looking moody. Everyone blinked a few times. �Umm, Zel? Was that really a bedtime story?� Chocolate asked. �I don�t think that counts.� �Did people really tell you that as a child!?� Vash sounded down right horrified. �That�s a horrible thing to tell a child! Promise me you�ll never repeat that to anyone under twenty!� �It�s your turn. Do you have a story ready?� Zel asked, annoyed. He really hadn�t ment to get quite so carried away with that. �I need time to think now. You made me forget.� Vash said, shaking his head. �I�ll go.� Marron sighed. Wolfwood was still laughing. He couldn�t help it, the whole thing was so ludicrous he really had no choice. They he been walking peacefully along, having used intensive scientific inquiry to select the black door. Nothing bad had immediately befallen them, so he had to assume he�d gotten lucky. They the wall had lit up. After a few tense moments, the glow had faded, and they had been left with the flawless image of Marron, Zelgadis, Chocolate and Vash telling each other bedtime stories. After realizing that while they could watch, they couldn�t be heard, they tried to keep walking, but whatever section of wall they were next to did the same thing, so they had gotten the whole pathetic little rabbit story. Gourry was laughing too, but he was aware enough of his surroundings to see the next door, far off down the hall. �Hey!! There�s another door!!� Gourry yelled. Wolfwood forced himself to stop and ran to catch up, going past the images that now showed Marron at the center, starting off on a story about four powerfully gods and their duty to take care of the fifth. This door was huge, taking up a full wall of a massive cavern with arched, ribbed ceiling. The floor had actually been tiled, black and white marble filling the space. It was nice, a sort of huge banquet hall in the middle of a maze. �Anything written on that door?� Wolfwood asked, wondering if he�d have to tell a story too. At least that�d be easy, you can�t really run an orphanage without picking up at least one happily ever after. �Uhh, yeah, but if it mean what I think it means your not gonna be happy.� �Go ahead, read it.� �Okayy,,,,, One in tails, one dress, (you get to choose) Judges must you impress So get your dancing shoes!� Gourry paused,, for a moment, then added. �No way am I wearing the dress. I had to do that once, I will never do that again.� Wolfwood had that slightly ill look on his face again. �Praying?� �No, I�m just trying not to puke.� Wolfwood said. �When have you ever worn a dress?� �I had to. Lina made me it wasn�t my idea and I�m never doing that again. They called me LALA,, you can�t make me do it again.� He said, shuddering with the memory. �Well, we can�t do this, because I don�t know about you but I don�t carry any dress around with me-� Something large, frothy, and pink fell out of the ceiling, followed by two very large rhinestone heels and a tiara. After a moment, a black coat with long tails dropped onto Gourrys head. �No way in hell.� Gourry had already pulled on the jacket, not wanting to have to fight Wolfwood for it (he would. He didn�t want to wear a dress.). �I�m not going to do that.� �We have to, it�s the quickest way to get through, remember?� �Yes. Let�s go try the white door.� He turned to leave, and a large, heavy, foreboding iron door slammed shut, effectively blocking him from escape. �Oh fer cryin out loud!� �I think you supposed to put this on.� Gourry said, picking up the pink fluff and shaking it until it was recognizable. It had a sleeveless strapless top, and a huge, billowy, fluffy feathery pink skirt. �It�s pretty big,, you should be able to fit in it. And at least the shoes match.� �Oh dear lord�.� Wolfwood suddenly had a headache. He brough a hand to his head, fully expecting to feel his brain clawing free any second now. �Look, there�s a folding screen. You can change over there.� Yepp,,, any second now�� Marron had finished his story (basically an abbreviated version of the story of the pillar gods, I�ll put it in his bio) when on of the wall lit up. �Does that mean we get to leave?� Vash asked, cheering. Then the light dimmed, and all they could see was Gourry, wearing an oversized formal dress coat with tails. �OH CRAP!!! We left him back in he village, didn�t we?!� Zel yelled, groaning. �I knew we forgot something.� �Opps.� Chocolate said, shrugging. �Come on!� Gourry on the wall said, with one hand on his hip. �I�m the only one here, and I�ll never tell anyone about this, I swear!� There was an indistinct reply, that sounded an awful lot like �go to hell!�. �Please? Come on Wolfwood your going to have to come out eventually.� �I can�t!� The voice was clearer now. �Wolfwood?� Vash asked, sitting all the way up. �Why not?� Gourry was trying to sound persuasive. �Because, uh, it doesn�t match my wings� Yeah! That it! I can�t be seen like this!!� It sounded like Wolfwood, but what hell was he talking about? Wings? �I�m sure you look just fine.� �I do not!!! It make me look fat too!� Wolfwood, if it was Wolfwood, sounded like he was grabbing for straws. �Well, maybe the color will bring out you eyes!� Gourry sounded way to happy to be allowed to live. �If you laugh I�ll kill you I swear.� Then Wolfwood(?) stepped into sight. True to his word, Gourry didn�t laugh. However, Marron, Zel and Chocolate had made no such agreement. Vash was still trying to figure out who the guy was, but even he joined in the uncontrollable cackling that took place. For starters, no mater how nice Gourry had been trying to be, pink was definitely not Wolfwoods color. It made his skin look so dull it was almost gray, and combined with the current expression on his face (careful there,, it�ll freeze that way!) he looked like a very disgruntled corpse. The wings! He had been right about the wings, the soft, earth tones reflected some of the putrid pink glow and totally ruined any grand affect they might have had on their own. And, as if to top it all off- �Oh, god, he was right it does make him look fat!� Chocolate howled, collapsing onto the pillows and curling into the fetal position. That it did, the outfit fitting (it was designed to be worn by men) although some serious padding had gone into the front (another thing that looked really bad on him) to give him a ever so slightly lopsided bosom. Still, the crowning feature of the image was either the tiara he also put on, or the shoes. It was probably the shoes, since you could see them clearly as he stumbled out pulling his skirt up to his knees while trying not to sprain an ankle with the impossible heels. Gourry stood quietly for a moment, letting the other get used to having an extra five inches to fall connected to his heels. Wolfwood sent a good five minutes trying to punch the padding of his �boobs� into something that was at least even on both sides. �Well, at least the tiara looks okay.� �I�m only wearing it because there is no way it hell I�m doing this twice, and I Don�t want to find out that if I don�t have this damn thing on it doesn�t work.� Wolfwood said, gritting his teeth. �Now how long are we supposed to dance until that damn door opens?� �Until it opens.� �Great..� His voice implied it was anything but. Meanwhile, their task of story telling forgotten, the assorted four sat in a semi circle and watched, being stuck with a sudden craving for salty buttered popcorn. �Well, shall we?� Gourry asked finally. �Well, yeah, I guess.� Wolfwood grimaced suddenly. �I mean, it can�t be that hard, right?� �You don�t know how to dance, do you?� �It isn�t exactly the prime requisite for survival where I live, okay?� He said agitatedly. �Oh. I only learned because whenever our village had a dance every girl there insisted on dancing with me.� �Oh poor baby..� Zel said sarcastically. �Jellyfish brains!� �Zelgadis!� �What? That what Lina calls him, not me. Although sometimes it�s a very fitting description. Besides, you can hardly talk: you call yourself a candy.� �Because it�s my name.� �Oh. Really?� �Yes!� �I apologized then.� �Hey, you two be quiet!� Marron snapped, then leaned over to Vash. �is that really Wolfwood?� �I don�t know.� Vash said honestly. �Would it really be any stranger than anything else that�s happened?� �So my hand goes, where now?� Wolfwood and Gourry both look supremely uncomfortable trying to figure out how to do this. �On my waist, and I take that, and no- oh wait yeah that�s right-� More awkward fumbling. �Okay, now don�t look at my feet.� �Not that I can see them though this skirt, but why shouldn�t I?�� �Because, it�ll screw you up.� �Oh.� �Ready?� �I guess.� �And, one two three, one two three, try not to step on the hem of your dress, one two three,-� Gourry trailed off, and they moved awkwardly for a few more minutes. �uh, how long are we supposed to do this?� �Until that door opens, I would think. Until something happens anyway.� �Oh. Like that?� Gourry asked, pointing to a tile. It was bulging up, but as soon as they stopped moving, it froze, and started to retreat. �Yes, like that! Keep dancing!� �Okay.� Gourry obviously didn�t care as long as he got out of wearing the dress. The tile kept moving, until it had taken the shape of a woman in a dress. In a few more moments, there was another, then a man, then another, until the room was filled with the pale, almost transparent dancers. �Actually, that�s kinda pretty.� Chocolate said. After a few moments, the ghost dancers stopped, bowed and curtsied, and faded back into the floor clapping. Except for one slender girl. �Congratulations!!� She cheered, and the image on the wall faded. The foursome on the floor blinked, laughed one more time, then resumed story telling. Chocolate volunteered. �That was wonderful!� The ghost girl chirped happily, spinning. �It�s so rare to get anyone with any talent in here, it�s so boring, but that was fantastical!!� �Uhh, can we leave now?� �Oh, of course, of course.� She made a vague gesture and the door swung open. �You have to leave the dress, of course.� �What the hell is this place?� Wolfwood snapped, kicking off the shoes as he trudged across the room to change. �It�s the Labyrinth, silly!� She said, giggling. �The test of worthiness for soon to be knights!� �Huh? But we don�t want to be knights were just looking for our friends!� �Oh, well, don�t worry. Not very much in here in dangerous, just embarrassing. The queen who designed it was sick of the stupid knights that kept trying to impress her, so she decided to humiliate them until they went away.� �Oh.� �There�s riddles too. The knights she was getting were kinda dumb. Oh, I have to ask you one before you can leave.� �Fire away!� Wolfwood yelled over the screen. �If you have one match on a freezing winter day, and you find a room with a stove, a lamp and a fireplace, what should you light first? Oh, and you only get one chance.� �Per person?� Gourry asked. �Gimme a second- Wolfwood, hurry up and get dressed!� �Do you have any idea how hard this thing is to get out of!� Wolfwood wailed. �I can barely reach the zipper!� �Okay, I�ll answer it then.� �Huh? No,, wait! Don�t-� �It�s the match, right?� Gourry said brightly. �Nope I�m sorry your- your right? Wow! That�s the first time that anyone�s ever gotten that right!! Yeah!!!� She cheered happily. �Wonderful!� The large door slammed shut, and a very small grimy looking trapdoor opened. �Here you go!! Because you got it right, you get the secret passage. Uh, it�s kinda dirty because you�re the only ones who�ve ever managed to answer the question correctly, but it�s still better than that way.� Wolfwood had redressed by now, and was looking considerably relived. �You got it right?� He gave silent thanks, then looked at the hole in the ground. �Some reward.� �Ohh, I love your wings!!! Feru gave them to you, right? You can always tell her style, it�s so fitting to the benefactor!� The ghost gushed happily. �She�s the coolest, but she hasn�t been through here in about eighty years now, not since some meanie put a nail though her tail. Wasn�t that just awful? The Doppelgangers probably did it, they hate her cause she keeps eating them. Oh well, I know you�ve got better thing to do so I�ll just nap until the next person shows!! Bub-bye now!!� Then she was gone. �Next time, can you wait a second before answering the riddle?� Wolfwood asked. �Just in case your not so lucky next time.� �If you want.� Gourry tossed the jacket off and jumped, feet first down the hole. �What the hell is it with blondes anyway?� Wolfwood muttered. �Just great. Wait up!� �Ohhhh Darling! Oh-� Chocolate stopped (in mid scream, you go girl!) her story suddenly (it had started in a park, and had apparently moved to the bushes somehow�.) and realized that she wasn�t alone. Blushing, she put down the cushion she had been using as darlin-er,, a prop. Marron looked embarrassed (mortified, horrified and petrified to the point of not return), but both Zel and Vash had different emotions. Well, different from Marron, the two of them were on fairly similar wavelengths. �Go ahead! You can keep going!� Vash blurted out without thinking. �It was getting interesting!� �You�re a great story teller! I feel like I�m there!� Zel added. (They both had pillows in there laps). �And they lived happily ever after, the end.� Marron supplied while Chocolate turned an interesting shade of fuchsia. �Awwww man�..� Vash and Zel said without thinking. �It�s, uhh, your turn Vash..� Chocolate said, sitting down. (she�d been leaning against a wall). �I�m just, gonna, um, stay sitting it you don�t mind.� Vash said. �Okay, once upon a time,, there was,, uh,, damn. I had an idea, but it�s gone now. Your story messed me up!� �Okay, let me think,, once upon a time, a long, long, long, time ago,, there was a,, a,,, warrior of peace! Yeah, that�s it! And this warrior of peace lived in a far away, desolate land, trying to bring hope to the people-� �Unfortunately for the brave and noble warrior, due to a series of drastic misunderstandings, the law enforcement thought that several major catastrophes that had occurred were all his fault, even though they weren�t, so they decided to put a big, friggin� huge bounty on his head to try to catch him. This was bad, because first off the warrior was far to clever to be caught like that, and second off all the bounty hunters chasing him deserved to be locked up allot more than the brave, horribly misunderstood outlaw anyway.� �Anyway-� His mind mentally raced, trying to re-edit some of his escapades so he didn�t end up running away from a mob or so drunk he was puking in an alley by the end (there wasn�t much left). �Err, this brave warrior was innocently minding his own business one day, playing with some children, showing them some of the weird tricks he�d picked up, when a very bad man appeared and told him that today was his last day on earth then proceeded to get him tossed into jail. Now the kind and heroic gunslinger-� �Kind and heroic what?� �Warrior.� �That�s not what you said.� �Sure it was. The kind and heroic WARRIOR,,,� Vash glared at Chocolate as if waiting for a rebuff, then continued. �Allowed himself to be locked up in the hopes that maybe if he was locked up nothing bad would happen to the village people. The two babes that�-okay, maybe a little exaggeration there, but hey, it was his story-�followed him around tried to get him out, but due to his totally unwarranted bad rep, the sheriff wouldn�t listen to them.� �Uh, �Two babes that followed him around�?� Zel asked quietly, raising an eyebrow. Chocolate and Marron looked at each other, neither able to hear. �Sure that�s not wistful thinking?� �Oh, like your story was less transparent.� Vash muttered back. �Anyway, as I was saying; �Weirdo.� Wolfwood muttered, listening to Vash prattle on. �Why is he a weirdo because of that? It�s not a bad story.� �Maybe I just heard it wrong the first time. He tells it different.� Wolfwood pushed away some of the thick cobwebs that blocked the viewing walls. �What�s different?� �No one dies in the end of this version.� �What really happened?� �The attacker that Le- uh, the very bad man found fired on a group of townspeople to get the noble hero to stop running.� Wolfwood said shortly. �The noble hero almost blew the mans head off for that.� �Why didn�t he? It�d been quicker.� Gourry said reasonably. �Because,, it would have been wrong.� Wolfwood said finally. �He let the guy go, I�m don�t know what happened after that, but the �noble hero� just moved on to the next town.� �Oh. Was the Noble hero someone he knew?� �Sure. You could say that.� Wolfwood felt his skull contract, but at least Gourry was refreshingly stupid, not that annoying at all. �So, what idiotic task do we have to do next? Oh, and just in case it comes up, you get to wear the next dress.� �I don�t know, and you can�t make me.� �We�ll see about that-argh!� �You okay?� �Stupid Cobwebs!� Wolfwood was spitting, trying to get the stuff out of his mouth and eyes and hair. �Yeach�� �And they lived happily ever after!� Vash voice rang out, and the walls went blank. �Guess they got through.� Gourry said. �It�s neat, being able to see them.� �Do you think they could see us?� Wolfwood asked, freezing. Oh dear god, he�d never here the end of it, never live it down, never ever ever. �No, I don�t. They�d still be laughing.� Gourry said sagly. �True.� He stepped on something that went crunch, and looked down. It was a dried out wine gourd, the wine itself a syrup in the bottom. �Must have been a really long time since the last group answered that riddle right.� Wolfwood observed, trying to shake the fragments off. �You sure got that straight mister.� Said a coarse, gravelly voice behind him. They both jumped and spun around to face the noise, Gourrys� sword almost magically appearing in his hands. �Oh, relax. I�m too damn tired to fight you boys.� The voice snapped. Stepping quickly out of the cobweb shadows was a tall, thin, dark woman draped with layers and layers of black lace. She looked pretty, except her eyes were glowering red coals. �It�s something different from me.� �What are you?� Wolfwood asked. �I was a siren, at one point in my wandering existence.� She said, bitterly. �Then I lost my voice, damn ironic of those whores.� �Those who?� �This worlds a null ground. Good and evil aren�t real here, all that matters is the balance. The two goddesses if that�s what they are, who control the balance are occasionally sadistic in their judgments.� She said. �Ask Feru, she�s the one who knows the workings the best.� �So, umm, how do you get out of here?� �You get a guide. You used to be able to give up, and you�d be spit out, but the doppelgangers messed that up. Bout three threw themselves into the gears. Obnoxious creatures.� �They killed themselves?� �Naw, course not. They just set themselves back a bit. Have to wait for the world to off balance a bit fore they come back. There are so many Doppler-spirits, see, and the amount of bodies here wavers cording to the balance. That�s why Feru eats em� at such a rate, has to kept those five hundred souls moving, see? But die? Naw. Those three that done become pulp have to wait a long time.� She grinned, revealing razor sharp teeth. �That�s, lovely.� Gourry tone of voice indicated that it wasn�t. �That�s,, the way it is dear.� She said, mimicking him. �Live with it. Ready for you challenge? That�s what there called, sounds more heroic than your most embarrassing moments to date, don�tcha think?� �What is it?� The woman moved forward, swooping down slightly. For a moment she looked like another snake woman, but through the layers of lace three long, steely gray spider like legs flicked out to shift her forward. �Well, you got through that ball room, so you humble enough I suppose, now what else are we looking for? Weapons skill? No, too easy.� She walked around them, measuring them up, occasionally poking them, and muttering the whole time. �Wings are Ferus, so much for the ring challenge, to easy for you, damn. That one�s funny. There�s always the dragon, but that�s mean even for a bitch like me. Besides, it�s the final test, usually. Huh. Test your virtue? Hey, that�d do now, won�t it?� �Test our what?� Gourry asked. �Can you repeat the middle part?� �Umm, what if it�s none existent?� Wolfwood asked. �What did you say?� �Nothing.� �Good. Then I just have to introduce you to the sirens. When they�re satisfied, they let you out. If you do really well, they might lead you through the maze.� Rubbing her fore-legs together she giggled. Not a pretty noise. �Ohhh, this is fun. Fun fun fun.� She was scurrying down the hall, but not going fast enough for them to lose her (or, more accurately, enough for them to walk really slowly, get left behind, and run away). Cautiously, with all the enthusiasm of the dammed going to their final judgement, they followed her down the absolutely filthy corridors, listening to her cackle to herself. �What do we have to do now?� �I can�t tell you that! It�s wouldn�t be fun if I did.� She stopped to pull a torch out of an alcove, and muttered at it until it burst into flames. �All you have to do is pass the test.� And with that she stopped answering any of their questions. Staggering, half blind and gasping for air, a mass of limbs fell through the door that had just opened. Sprawled on the ground, the Mass of limbs untangled it�s self violently, until the four sat as far away from each other as possible without looking too rude about it. They brushed themselves� off. Without making eye contact, Marron cleared his throat, then said carefully �Well, now that that�s over, let us never speak of it again.� He paused for a moment. �Ever.� Noisily the others agreed, nodding at incredible speeds. �Who thought up this stuff?� Vash asked, standing up and looking at the door they had come through. It had locked itself, not like they would have ever gone thorough it again. �Some sick, sick person, obviously.� Zel snapped, pulling a long something (noodle?) out of his ear. �What happened to let us never speak of it again? Let�s stop talking about that, and-� The wall lit up. �Oh good! I could do with a laugh.� Chocolate said, plunking down in frount of it. �Besides, my legs are tired.� �Your legs? What about my-� Vash started, but was stopped by Marron who punched him in the gut. �NEVER AGAIN!!!!� Marron yelled, grabbing Vashs neck and shaking him. �NEVER AGAIN!!! DON�T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT!!!!!� �Marron!! Let go of him he�s turning blue!� Chocolate said, alarmed by this outburst. With a final jar (Vashs arms where pin-wheeling wildly, and his face was almost the color of his former coat) Marron dropped him, sat down in a funk, and Vash slumped to the ground wheezing. On the screen, Wolfwood(?) and Gourry were walking through a well lit room with thick, soft swaths of material draped from the ceiling. �Well, this isn�t so bad.� Gourry said, poking a sheet. On the screen, Wolfwood was craning his head, looking around. �This reminds me of a Brothel.� He muttered. �Wonder where she is now?� �What did you say?� Gourry asked. �Nothing. Your right, doesn�t seem to bad.� Wolfwood(?) said, perking slightly. �Can you tell if it�s really him yet?� Chocolate asked Vash. �Well, if it�s not him, whatever pretending to be him is doing a much better impression than the last thing.� Vash said. �It might be.� Oh let it be him. Please let it be him, not another creature, otherwise Gourry would be in danger. �Wow. I hope this test isn�t as bad as their last one.� Marron said. �Are you joking? That was the best laugh I�ve had in a long time.� Zel said. �And I mean it.� �So where are the Sirens?� Gourry asked. �That�s what see called them, right?� �Yeah, and with our current luck they be a bunch of ugly, rude, revolting old hags we have to be nice to in order to escape.� Wolfwood complained not noticing the slender figure behind him. �I rather have people shooting at me! At least then I know how to handle the situation.� �I�m not a hag!� The figure said, upset. It was a girl (somewhere between the age of sixteen and twenty-four) wearing nothing but her flowing silver hair and a pout. �Dahk!� Gourry made a weird embarrassed noise and spun around. �Sorry, didn�t know you where changing!� Wolfwood didn�t move for a second, then his brain caught up with the rest of his anatomy and he cover his eyes. �So, you�re a Siren? I apologize, you�re not a hag at all.� �Then why won�t you look at me?� She whimpered slightly. �I must be hideous if you won�t even look at me.� �No, your not! Gourry, tell her she�s pretty.� �She�s beautiful, but she�s not wearing anything!� He wailed. She brightened instantly, flicking her hair back. �Really? You think I�m beautiful? No ones ever said that to me before.� �That�s because they�re stupid.� Wolfwood said without doubt. �What about me? Do you think I�m pretty?� A second girl appeared at his elbow, wearing something so transparent as to be pointless. Her hair was curly red down to her butt. She tugged at his hand. �Tell me!� �Me too!� �Oh, don�t forget me! Do you think I�m pretty?� They just appeared, most of them dressed in the same, simple, super sheer and perfectly pointless sheath that, out of nowhere, ten of them, all crying for attention and flocking around the two men. Vashes jaw may or may not have hit the floor, and Zel hit the roof. �What sort of a challenge is that!?!?� Zel yelped. �So Feru gave you these right? Ohhh, she must like you if she gave you these.� The silver hair one said, one arm wrapped around Wolfwoods neck and the other stroking his feathers. His hands were in tense, tight fists at his sides. �Or you must have really done something nice to- I mean, for her.� �Uhh, I got attacked by a doppelganger and she saved my life.� He glanced at Gourry, and saw the blonde dolt was being fed what looked like cookies and milk. From the extremely dopey expression of the swordsmans face, they must have been okay. �She nursed you back to health?� If he had been two inches shorter, or she two inches taller, his face would have been planted between her breasts, and his reply would have been muffled. Not that it would have been any more coherent, as the blue haired girl nest near his other shoulder had apparently coped a very extensive feel. Therefore a simple yes turned into �Yea-ACK!- and his eyes almost crossed. With a partially strangled noise, he broke partway free. �Just tell me what I have to do to pass the test, please!!� Said the now flushed Wolfwood. �We can�t tell you how to pass the test, then it�d be too easy.� She said, a slight crease forming between her eyes. �Trilliana-san should have given you a hint though.� Wolfwood appeared to be mulling it over, though it couldn�t have been easy to concentrate with those twin globes in his face like that. �Oh. Well, since I can�t figure out the �clue� can you just test me? I�m kinda in a hurry because I need to find the way out of here.� �You,, don�t want to stay with us?� Her eyes started to fill with tears. �Not even for a little while? I mean, why? Don�t you think we�re pretty? Don�t you think we�d be nice to talk to?� �Well, yeah but-� �We�ve haven�t had anything to do in so long, don�t go away! It�s boring! And if you leave,- oh don�t leave! We�ll do anything? We just have to make you happy!� �That�s very nice of you but- say that last part again?� �Uh, nothing..� She stopped crying and looked suddenly nervous. �We�re, uh, bored and lonely?� �No, no, that last part.� �We just had to act all sappy?� She sounded hopeful. �That wasn�t it.� �We- ohhh phooey.� �You�re supposed to make me happy? That�s the test?� �The queen wanted men who could relax every now and then, who didn�t live their lives so tied up in rules that they were wound ultra tight 24/7. She has us here to be the judge of that.� �Oh. In other words, I have to let you make me happy. That�s, weird, to say the least.� Zelgadis was grumbling under his breath something about the �gods must be crazy� or if not that then it was close. He was not at all pleased. Vash was watching intently, waiting for the next move. In spite of Chocolate grumbling, the emotional thing had just really kick in, and he was wondering what Wolfwood would make of the situation. �We�ve never had anyone who would let us be nice to them, let alone please them somehow.� Silverhair said softly, looking down. �We�re not very good at this test giving business.� �Why are you in it?� �Cause. We�re here under a magic contract. We have to stay until the queen releases us from it.� �Where is this queen?� �In the castle. Somewhere. She may have died by now. Ask the villagers.� The nymphs near Wolfwood all seemed subdued now, quiet and moody. �There are none.� He said gently. �Then we wait. We wait another thousand years for another person to pass through, ten thousand for some sort of release, and countless lifetimes for our island to be returned.� She shook her head violently so suddenly that Wolfwood stepped back. �That�s beside the point though. You�re here now, and you need to be made happy before we can show you the way out of the labyrinth.� She sounded somewhere between defient, desperate, proud and happy (I realize that a lot to be between, but triangulate a little and you get the idea). Wolfwood grinned broadly and kissed her on the cheek. �I�m already happy.� �But,, we haven�t done anything yet!� �We�ll you haven�t done anything to make me unhappy, which is close enough for me.� �But, why are you happy? You�re trapped in a maze, you�ve just been humliated publicly-� �Huh?� �Yeah, umm, pinks not your color,� She paused then continued, �You don�t know how to get out, you might be facing the dragon next, you don�t know where you friends are and-� �And I�m alive enough to worry about it.� He said reflectively. �I�ve seen worst than dragons in my life, you said you�d get me out of the maze, and the last time I saw my friend, while he looked very unhappy, it wasn�t fatal or permanent. Besides�� the dress may have been bad but I looked damn good in the stupid tiara.� He shrugged. �If you really wanted to make me happy, you could show me the way to my friends and give me a shirt with wing holes, okay Silver?� �Umm. Okay.� She bit her lip again, thinking about it. �You�re a very funny man, you know. We really would do whatever you wanted.� �Yeah. But you wouldn�t mean it.� Then the wall went blank. �That was disturbing. Where did Gourry disappear to in that?� Marron said after a moment. �He was in the background being fed.� �Well, then he was happy.� Zel said. �So he�s okay.� They stood up, silently contemplating. �This place is strange.� Vash said finally, after a few moments of hoping (as in really hoping) that he wouldn�t have to be the first to talk. �I mean, really, have any of you ever even heard of a place like this?� �I�ve heard of Labyrinths before, but never with tests. And the they were only stories.� Marron said. �And absolutely no mention of anything we�ve had to do so far.� �The dragon sounds familiar though.� Zel said grimly. �Just what I needed to make my day complete. I get to fight a dragon without magic.� �We need to find out more. And we have to find the people.� Feru let out a long breath. She�d been getting nervous for a moment there,, the Sirens were one of the trick questions type tests. Maybe the opposing forces had decided to listen to her for a change. Good for them. They�d been nice enough to get the doppelgangers distracted by flooding a smallish section of the maze (Doppelgangers loved water, for some reason). Still, their ability to control the situation was more or less at its end, Feru acknowledge somberly. Within her temple/home, she would still be a force to be reckoned with, as would they, but outside,,,, the sir was already getting a little cool, she didn�t think it would take more than a month until the rains started. Then the slush and hail, then the snow. Damn, but she hated cold, hated the way her reflexes slowed and her blood slogged through her veins. It wasn�t as if she could go outside, but the very thought of mounds of soft white outside her door�. She shuddered and conjured up a log to toss onto the fire. Brrr. Icky cold bad. Sun good. Warm good, cold bad. Icky icky icky. Her home was nice, but it sometimes got drafty. Well, at least now she she only had four people to worry about. They had actually failed the first test, though with the perfectly warped nature of their bedtime stories she hadn�t expected much else. Didn�t anyone tell happy stories to their kids anymore? She looked at the map again. They were headed towards the dragon too, double damn. Just what she didn�t need; a dead dragon. That would seriously screw with the cycle of balance. Though at this point it may not matter much. �Feru?� The voice was perfectly neutral, which meant they had come to their own agreement or were simple relaying a straight fact. Feru prayed it was a straight fact, when the gods were in tandem of their own accord she usually ended up with a headache. �Yes?� She looked up, and a fine mist spilled down from the swirling ceiling to form a vaguely humanoid shape floating in front of her. To Ferus intense annoyance they had brought a draft with them. �The Winged one did not take his leave of the maze. He has chosen to locate the others first.� The voice sounded vaguely female, today at least. They�d probably flipped a coin. �Three doppelgangers have grown bored of the water and are hunting him down. The group of four is fifty feet away from the dragon lair.� �Well? Are you going to do something about it?� �We have decided to let nature take it�s course with them for now. Our resources are to limited to do much more.� �That isn�t all you have to tell me, is it?� �We�ve tried to get in touch with the guardians. They are,, unreachable. The destabilizing factor has captured them.� The forces sounded reluctant now, which meant there was more bad news. Feru groaned. She�d expected that, somehow. Crude but effective of the bastard, whoever he(she?) was. �All of them?� �Trac has been driven from his center, but is still at large. He may be nearby. We will not waste the energy to locate him. We have a different plan.� �You,, have,, a plan?� Feru said slowly, really hoping she hadn�t just heard that. �Care to enlighten me?� �No, we do not.� The mist went back into the ceiling. �We have things to do, and destines to weave.� Feru went back to the map for a moment, then paused to reflect. Things were not as they should be, she needed to get a better idea of what had to be done before she could offer any decent advice when Wolfwood came back (and he probably would,, he was not a man to drop inquires after a day or so). She sighed, and went to get the tome of the land. Stupid heavy boring book, it did have a passable foreword about how this land worked. Stupid damnable thing. And to hell with that stupid cold draft!! They hadn�t been able to find a shirt with wing-holes, but they had been able to find a fairly nice leather vest (Wolfwood felt like a biker in all that leather,, it was weird) and cut a pair of slits in his robe so that it was wearable. Now he was standing on top of a thick, tall, heavy stone wall, looking at the glossy black mound in the center of the arena thing. Gourry was sitting on the edge, his feet dangling down while he finished his drink. He was about three feet away from what looked like the hiking trail from hell, leading into the arena. The wall only went around three sides, the third was a cliff face, apparently the labyrinth had been carved into it. At the base of the cliff there were a series of doors leading out into the sand around the mound. There was only one door that let you out here though, and the Sirens had been very nice about getting them to it pronto. �How long do you think it�ll take them?� Gourry asked, basking in the warmth. �Don�t know.� Wolfwood had managed to figure out how to fold and refold his wings, and the action was quickly becoming his favorite fidget. �That things a dragon, right?� Gourry opened one eye, and glanced down at the black mass. �It might be two dragons.� �But it�s definitely a dragon?� �It might be a wyrm.� �What�s that?� �Leg-less dragon. Smaller, not as strong.� �Ah. Any advice for fighting them?� �Dragon slave.� �What?� �If you throw a dragon slave at them they aren�t a problem.� �What is a dragon slave, where do I get one and how does that help me now?� �A dragon slave in a very big spell only a highly advance sorceress can cast. It�s make a crater about the size of,,,, well, this arena. Lina wiped out a village like that once.� Wolfwood refolded his wings again. �Is it something I can learn in two minutes?� �No. I think it might be a girl thing,, cause I never heard of Zel tossing one and he�s really powerful. Oh, wait, that might just be cause he�s more responsible, and doesn�t just cast it when he�s mad at something. He tries not to wipe out villages.� �Normal people don�t� Wolfwood muttered. �Girl thing�. Great�. Any other sage advice?� �Dragons are tough.� Wolfwood gritted his teeth. The wall was about a hundred feet tall, that was a loose guess. �I would suggest jumping off something tall to get flying, instinct will probably take over, just don�t think to much.� Feru had told him. Gee, that was great advice. �Hey, we got out!� The voice was faint, from the bottom of the arena. Wolfwoods head pivoted automatically to find Vash happily running onto the sand. Towards the dragon. �Dammit.� Wolfwood muttered. �Please let that freakish luck of his be good just this once, and don�t let that dragon/dragons/wrym wake up�.� He doubted anyone was listening now though� besides,,, it was fair presumptuous of him to assume that he�d get another miracle- �GrrrRROOOOWWW..� The mass of black moved, suddenly, rearing. The four people on the ground all yelled (except Vash. Anything that high pitched just can�t be called a yell.) �Shit.� Wolfwood muttered again. �Gourry!? Do dragons have weak spots?� The creature moved like a cat, and it seemed to want to kill Vash first. �If they had weak spots, they wouldn�t be dragons- what are you doing?� �Leap of faith-� Wolfwood snarled, jerking the sword out of it�s sheath. Wolfwood backed away from the edge, took a very deep breath, and charged. He didn�t scream, or flail, just spread his arms out and tried really hard not to think about his body being scraped up into little plastic bags and being fed to a dragon. He fell like a friggin stone for heartbeat, then deep in the tiniest corner of his brain, a massive rewired took place, spreading outwards until it just clicked, and in his head he could understand how he was supposed to fly- But before the instinct got him going upward, he impacted. Not the ground, but a very large energy shield. It felt like sticking you finger in a electric socket, and if Wolfwood had more experience with sockets he�d have come to the same conclusion. The force knocked him to the top of the wall, where he promptly fell over back wards stunned as you were when you did it. And don�t try to tell me you never have,,,, cause I can tell when your lying. Gourry had just found a similar problem, knocking himself near senseless on the narrow path. The dragon glanced up at the ripple in the field, then went back to playing. Make no mistake, to her it was playing. �Aiieee!� Vash jumped a vertical six feet over one paw, only to get swatted by the next. He went spinning ass over tea-kettle to the far side of the sand pit. The dragon went to sniff him, deeply disappointed in herself for breaking her new toy, when a sharp lancing pain stabbed in her hindquarters. She yelped and whirled, to find the little white toy with a bloody sword in his hand. It yelled something, but it�s voice was so high pitched she couldn�t understand. She batted at him too, and he darted away. This was fun!! They were such nice little toys. Then there was a second pain. This was worst, and she roared her disapproval while whirling on the perpetrator. Oh. It was the other to toys, the blue face and the black striped one. She roared at them again, and striped toy did something that made it feel as if she had suddenly had her nose (which was large) had gotten pierced. She reared up wards, pulling the wire out of her nostril, and the blue face took a shot at her stomach. It was shallow, but she startled back enough to fall over. Only the fact that her eyes were shut kept the next jabbing wire from getting in her eye. She snarled nastily, getting a little pissed. This wasn�t fun at all, she was being damaged!!! Besides, didn�t they know the rules. She opened one eye carefully to shoot out a jet of flame at them, and saw that the funny loud toy was standing between her and the mean, dysfunctional toys. �Stop it!� Vash was yelling. �It�s a Dragon..� Marron said in disbelief. �You can�t talk a dragon out of-� �You�re hurting it!� �It�s hurting us! Or did you miss it when you slammed into a wall?� Chocolate retorted, sharing Marrons confusion. �That dosen�t mean you can kill-� Vash started, when he heard a strange noise. Spinning, he realied the dragon had sat up,,, and was laughing. Or, it was doing something close. Large, silver tears flowed down it snout, and it�s rows of polished white teeth were exposed with every snorting howl. �What�s the matter with it?� Zel asked, tilting his head. The dragon fell onto it�s side, still laughing, and pointed at the wall. �Not another poem!!!� Chocolate complained. �These things are getting old.� �This dragon is immortal, though hurt it you are able, but while it is un-killable, one may make her fall.� Marron stopped, and the dragon snorted and pointed again. �When she has been beaten, then the bell will peal Of course, you may be eaten, then your death will be real.- what sort of bored person thinks up these things?� Marron tilted his head. �Their an insult to magic, spells and the written word.� �Not to mention they�re all really formulaic.� Vash added. �You forgot poetry in general.� Chocolate said. �One may make her fall? Excuse me!!?� Vash turned and yelled upwards at the dragon. �Does that mean only one of us can fight you?� The dragon, tilted it head, and rolled to all fours before curving it�s neck to get a better look at Vash. �Is that why your laughing? Because you think it�s funny someone wants to protect you?� Vash yelled again. �Only one of us can fight you, right?� The dragon nodded, then inhaled deeply. It wasn�t quite a roar, but it was a deep, booming bass the shook the ground under them. �Only magic users can fight? But, none of us can do any magic.� Vash responded. Marron and Zelgadis looked at Vash like he had spontaneously sprouted another head. The dragon boomed again, then laughed. �Whaddaya mean if I can hear you I�m close enough!?� Vash sounded vaguely outraged. �I don�t know any magic. Besides, I don�t want to fight you, � The dragon boomed in a peevish manner. �I don�t care if it�s tradional!! Do I look like a knight to you?� Boom �HEY! You don�t have to be mean about it!� Burumble rumble BOOM BOOM BOOM �I already told you, I�m not going to fight you, and that�s final.� Vash crossed his arms over his chest and stared up at the large silvery purple eyes. The eyes narrowed for a second, then rolled upwards. Bam booooooOO-OOOMMMMmmm �There was an out?� The dragon looked suddenly mad. BOOM!!! Everyone flinched. Then the dragon let loose with a volley of noise. Loud, tearing, shattering shrieks and booms mixed with growls and snorts. The noise was so loud in psysically knocked them backwards. Still grumbling loudly the dragon turned around and pried open a wall. Just pried it open, A whole slab of stone swung to reveal gears, pistons, long golden chains and hanging weights. Booooom She reared back and poked a cog. Nothing happened. In fact, all of the machinery was stationary, except for an occasional jerking twitch. With something remarkably like a sigh, it reached in a foreleg and with a grunt wrenched something out, tossing it over to the group. They bent over to examine it, and blanched. It was a dead doppelganger, body turned to the pale white stone of the first, only contorted and ripped. It was a finely carved homicide, pale stone ribs ripped open to reveal pale stone organs. There was another jerk, and a second contorted statue shattered the first. There was another, briefer volley of noise, and with one final roar a third doppelganger landed on the remains of the other two, leaving a jumble of stone bits and pieces. Bbooomo. The dragons� head was all the way in the panel now, and the tail was thrashing. �It�s broken? What is it?� Vash asked, trying not to look at the carnage. Grrr bang �The machine that regulates the labyrinth? They threw themselves into it!?� He sounded horrified. The dragon reared and puffed up, then sent a huge gout of flame into the workings. With a terrific squeal of metal on metal the gears began to turn. The dragon swatted the weight so the pendulum would swing, then slammed the door shut. The dragon curled into a ball in the sun, tucking itself in under it�s wings. �Hey! How do we get out?!� Zelgadis yelled. The dragons tail pointed toward the far wall of the enclosure. A low, repetitive rumble rolled lazily around the stadium. �Vash, what it�s saying?� �She�s snoring, can�t you tell?� �All I�ve been able to hear is booms and roars.� Chocolate said. �You�re the only one who understood her.� �What did it say about magic users?� Marron asked. �It said that only magic using humans could understand dragons.� Vash said. �I don�t know any magic!� �Well, I normally do. Maybe it�s another side affect of this world.� Zel said. �It this where she pointed?� It was a tall brass door. It swung open slowly, showing the rich green woods and a white path stretching into the shadows. It was late afternoon, some how inside the arena the sun had been higher, and sort of a continual noon had reined. �Where do you think that leads?� Chocolate asked. �Who cares? It�s almost dark let�s move before the night hawks show up again!� Zel said, moving down the path. �What do we do after that?� Vash asked. �After what?� Zel said. �After we get wherever the path leads to?� �Well, that depends on where we end up, now doesn�t it?� Chocolate said. Wolfwood had a headache and felt vaguely (okay, really) hung over. This would have been acceptable if he had gotten drunk at some point, but he couldn�t remember drinking. He could remember jumping headlong off a cliff, which seemed stupid at the moment. Something was really sore on him, from being pinned in a bad manner, but it wasn�t his arms. He tried to sit up, and realized his feathers were pinned under his butt so he automatically pushed down and slicked them out behind him. �Nehhh?� He though blearily, looking at the wings. Oh yeah. Those. The snake lady had given him those, hadn�t she? He drooped his head down and realized he was wearing leather pants, witch seemed odd until he remembered his other suit had fallen apart at the seams. It took a few dizzy minutes, but by the time he had staggered to his feet he more or less remembered what the hell was going on. Which was good, cause he�d been wondering. �G-Gourry?� He yelled, then wished he hadn�t, seeing as the noise was banging in his head. Oh well. He�d had hangovers before (it�s been a while since he�d managed to drink over his limit, heck, it�d been a while since he�d been able to afford drinking over his limit) and he could handle it. He glanced into the arena. The dragon was back curled up, and since he didn�t see any bloody streaks on the wall he was going to assume everyone had survived (though he did glance at the dragons mouth half expecting to see a spiky blond tuft dangling out the corner. Or maybe a metal arm or something.) He half walked, half tottered along in what he hoped was a smart direction. He saw Gourry, who was also standing, and who had also realized that talking was bad. Quiet good. Without words the continued along the path, until they found themselves in the woods following an emerald green crushed marble road. I know it took a long, long time but I kinda wanted it to be good, ya know? Sorry!! It�s my fault, it�s my fault, it�s my fault, I start next section right now, please don�t kill me!!! Oh, and for you patience, here�s an epilogue!! What�s that? What was I smokeing? I don�t smoke anything, cause I�m to busy eating concentrated sugar. THE EPILOGUE;;; Knives woke up with a hideous, pounding migraine, a very sore neck, and his usual less than sunny mood (unless by sunny you mean nuclear, which is fairly close). The main reason, he realized, that he was in such a crappy mood was mostly due to the fact he was propped against a tree, his head on the ground with his feet in the air. He groaned, kicking his feat and thrashing until he was sitting against the tree in a normal manner. His arms and legs and everything except his throbbing head and neck were totally and completely numb to the bone. He sighed, then looked around with a glare witch turned into a wide eyed opened mouth stare. The place was green. Not eco-plant green, green green. This was lush all directions can�t see the sky look there�s a squirrel green!! It was amazing. Never in a thousand years could he have produced this extravaganza of life. He tried to get to his feet, but since he was so numb he sat back down to wait out the rising feeling of pins and needles. He poked at the moss on the bark in wonder, look at the tree, the mushrooms around the tree, the weird looking guy next to him- Knives snapped out of it to observe the vermin that had dared to position itself next to him, and debated ways to crush him. He lifted his left hand to just snap the creatures neck and realized they were somehow tied together. Thick silver cords connected their wrists. Knives tried to shake it off automatically (like when a bug lands on your hand) and only succeeded in bashing the other man against the tree trunk. �Ow! Would you mind doing that again? I need my back popped.� The other man seemed to have protested only out of habit. �Who are you and how did you tie yourself to me?!� Knives yelled, staggering to his feet. �Ack!� The other man was shorter than Knives, and subsequently he was hauled up to his feet. �Hey, I�m a kinky freak, I don�t deny it but I think you got who tied what to whom mixed up. Not that I mind.� He opened one eye to give Knives a look that made him feel kinda dirty then returned to his closed eyes amiable grin. Knives punched him hard enough to make those little stars go flying haphazardly in all directions scaring small wood land creatures. The man face bleed for two seconds then stopped. It barely even phased him. �My names Xellos the Trickster Priest.� �You should be dead! Unconscious at least.� Knives said, confused. Not even he could heal that fast. �What the hell?� �You�ve lived a very sheltered life if you�ve never met a mazuko. Actually, most people don�t meet mazuko. At least, those who do can�t talk about it.� Xellos considered. �Why?� �Oh, their either killed or go insane. Or their Lina, in witch case the mazuko are usually the ones who end up dead.� �That�s wonderful. Now disconnect yourself from me this instant.� �No.� Knives sighed, pulled out his gun and shot Xellos six times in the head.. |