DIOCLETIAN
"He won't be liking anything for a while. I put blumble in his fertilizer."

"Blumble?"

"It's made of Bleeprin." Diocletian considered for a moment. "Well, mainly Bleeprin."

                                                                          Diocletian Astreth, Sar-Plasm, Sue Pies, and Other
                                                                          affairs of the Organs
Name: Diocletian Astreth
Real Name: De'anana Astrofaragothiel, alias De'anana Shadowstar, De'anana Moonshadow, Dea the Red
Age: Technically, three. Biologically, 21.
Hair: Brownish-red            Eyes: Gray                 Ht: 5'7"         Wt: 168 lbs.

Bio:  Mary Sue? What Ma-  ooh, you mean this Mary Sue. Agent Diocletian was born De'anana Astrofaragothiel, alias Dea the Red, the daughter of Yavanna and the Witch-King. She tried to kill the Fellowship but wound up falling in Twu Wuv with Legolas, and distracted her father on the battlefield to give Eowyn the time to kill him. In short, she was a nasty compilation of fanfiction cliches, and was subsequently brought down by two PPC agents assigned to her case.
She wasn't killed, however. Solid prose and respect for Gimli gave her just enough points to avoid assassination, and the agents had her interred in the PPC Penitentiary, where she was given daily doses of Logicillin and anti-Suedom therapy. Eventually, her Mary Sue characteristics receded, and Dea the Red was declared rehabilitated and formally renamed Diocletian Astreth. Assigning her, however, proved to be a problem; stripped of her Sueish perfection, Dio turned out to be a plain old psychopath, and nearly caused several serious canon breaches while hunting down another daughter of the Witch-King.

This wasn't the only incident; another notable one involved radium, and frankly, pissed-off Elves are hard to decontaminate. In exasperation, the Sunflower Official paired her with another agent who was causing trouble- one Agent Suicide, who wasn't exactly getting along with the series of squeamish rookies he'd been assigned. (Rumors that the SO was hoping these two would kill each other remain unconfirmed.)

Oddly enough, the psychotic Scythian seemed to be just what the doctor ordered for Diocletian. Their first mission was a foray into a nasty anti-PPC fic, written by a Suethor whose attempts at demonstrating historical knowledge had gone sadly awry; in the subsequent firefight, the two oddities clicked, and Dio and Suicide were permanently assigned to each other.
Recently, Diocletian suffered a setback after dealing with a Narnia Sue, and spent some time in the Medical Department with a bad case of Bursar Disease. In the meantime, Suicide has been working with the jittery Agent Ithalond, a recent recruit from the legendary pornfic "Celebrian"; at least three nassssty ficses were slaughtered by this unorthodox team of Man and Elf. However, with Suicide's assignment to a new monstrosity- Subjugation, a Rapist!Dumbledore fic by Ravenkiss- Diocletian has been hoicked out of Medical and returned, still babbling, to active duty.
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