PRE-SWANK
WARM-UP AT WHITEY'S:
7:30
PM - Let's see...I think a trend is starting with this now annual
event.
Let's work on the ratio thing for next year. We've got the Bowling
Team
(Jer, Whitey, & Maholtra), the Alliance (Donovan, Brad, & Amy),
the
Earl Street Boys (Keck, Tim, & C-Dog), the Dynamic Duo (Howell &
Bianchi),
Devo in his 50s Golf Pro Original, and the b-day kid (myself) with a
white
man's afro sporting the new mesomorph physique with a pleather black
vest
and black boa (by the way, where the hell did I lose it?). Duff
easily
subbed in for Grieve as the slickest guy with all the moves...
Travolta
baby! Travolta baby! You couldn't ask for a more elite group of
playas
with the exception of Grant Sernick of course. (What's with the worn out
Hawaiian
Shirt? You mean you couldn't hit Value Village like everyone else?)
The
White Palace is renowned for nights of alcohol-induced stupor due to
tragic
games of what? PYRAMID of course! Round 1...Fight!
TTC
9
PM - After 3 rounds of pyramid, the pre-party assembly proceeds to
the
main event. TTC style of course. I think every tree and wall was
christened
during our journey.
9:20
PM - Bianchi decides to attempt sliding into 1st base with Amy's
friend.
Not once but maybe four times. Denied each time.
9:25
PM - Two more guys join the crew. Nice glimmering, silver shirt
Jamie.
Swank indeed! Swank indeed!
9:40
PM - SWIRE & his entourage join the party. Every femme on that
subway
dug the outfits. Unfortunately, all of them continued southward. ME:
Please
God! Make a miracle happen tonight. I've been a devoted member of
your
ministry far too long. Please God! Oh please!
THE
ARRIVAL
10
PM - OK. We've got 25 in attendance with 20 from the TTC
entourage.
The music's JUMPIN'. The food KEEPS COMIN' (thanks to Tremblant
leftovers).
And the locale couldn't be any better. Sound proof apartment means that
we
won't be getting an eviction notice like our friend Duff when he hosted his
housewarming
bash. First floor access proved that you could be at a
party
as the celebrant and hear stories about girls you've never met before.
11
PM - Party is packed. 40 people I knew and another 15 - 20 made an
appearance
as mystery guests. Yard of Ale is kickin' my ass. And
everything
is getting blurry. Keep that Hungarian moonshine away from me.
(Donovan
in the background: Come on Rod. You're such a pussy!)
11:01
- Rod to Donovan: Have some of this shot....how you doin'? ( I
don't
think I saw him again for the rest of the night). Thanks Atilla.
MIDNIGHT
After
gathering myself together I realize everyone is here. Beara
(City
of Ottawa), Byczko (City of Etobicoke), Sugah J (Town of Fergus),
Littlejohn
(Paris girl now in TO), Medon (City of Bradford), Claire (City of
Kingston),
Swire (Town of Cobourg), Sybil (City of Niagara), Devo (Town of
Calebogie),
Howell (City of Mississauga), Sabrina (City of Guelph), Bianchi (Town
of
Belleville), Golding (City of Compton) ...damn it...even Yael (back
from
the new territory of Nunavut) came out.
12:30
AM - I am 20 minutes from being done. Bianchi drags me out of
my
cave for some host responsibilities.
12:40
AM - Head back to the room. Bianchi tries to drag me out again.
Rod
to Bianchi: Get the fuck out! (Bianchi shuts the door never to be seen
again)
1
AM - I am officially done and hiding out in the bedroom.
2
AM - Thank God Chen was on Christina. You da bomb, man! You da
bomb!
2:30
AM - Sugah J (my homeboy) drives me back to the G-Spot. You
don't
understand how much I owe you bud.
SUMMARY
Well,
Swank II was a resounding success! And the award winners
are...(drum
roll please)...