Joey: Man, this is bad! And I've had my share of bad reviews. I still remember my first good one, though. "Everything else in this production of Our Town was simply terrible. Joey Tribbiani was abysmal."
Katie: I can tell you work out. A paleontologist who works out. You're like Indiana Jones.
Ross: I am like Indiana Jones!

Phoebe: All right, don't freak out! Okay? I will help you. How long before you have to leave?
Chandler: An hour.
Phoebe: I can't help you.
Chandler: Phoebe!
Phoebe: All right, all right, we'll just do our best. Okay? So let's say that I'm the interviewer and I'm meeting you for the first time. Okay: Hi! Come on in, I'm, uh, Regina Phalange.
Chandler: Chandler Bing.
Phoebe: Oh, Bing, what an unusual name.
Chandler: Well, you should meet my uncle, Bada. [Awkward pause] I'll let myself out.

Sarah: Your Fettuccini Alfredo looks a little dry. Did you use all your cheese?
Joey: When you say, "used," do you mean, "eat as a pre-cooking snack?"
Sarah: And the cream?
Joey: Cheese makes me thirsty.

Monica: I'm... I'm sorry. It's just that, um, well I cook at this restaurant, Allesandro's, and I just got a really bad review.
Sarah: Oh Allesandro's! I love that place!
Monica: You do?
Sarah: Oh yes! You're an excellent chef! As a person you're a little...
Monica: Oh, totally crazy, but you like the food?

Mr. Tyler: So let's talk a little bit about your duties.
Chandler (supressing laughter): My doodies? All right.
Mr. Tyler: Now you'll be heading a whole division, so you'll have a lot of duties.
Chandler: I see.
Mr. Tyler: But there'll be, perhaps, 30 people under you so you can dump a certain amount on them.
Chandler: Good to know.
Mr. Tyler: We could go into detail...
Chandler: No, don't, I beg of you!
Mr. Tyler: All right then, we'll have a definite answer for you on Monday, but I think I can say with some confidence, you'll fit in well here.
Chandler: Really?
Mr. Tyler: Absolutely. You can relax. You did great.
Chandler: Yeah. I gotta say thank you, I was really nervous. You know, I've been told I come on too strong, make too many jokes, and then it was really hard to sidestep that "duty" thing. [Mr. Tyler looks puzzled.] Doodies. Doodies! [Mr. Tyler is still confused.] Poo!
Mr. Tyler: Poo?
Chandler: Oh my God, this doesn't count! Okay? The interview was over!. That was the real Chandler Bing in there, this is just some crazy guy out in the hall! Call security! There's a crazy guy out in the hall!
Mr. Tyler: Poo?!
Chandler: I'll look forward to your call.

Monica: Oh, look! Acting for Beginners! Want to feel good about yourself?
Joey: What the hell!
Monica: Okay.
The Acting Teacher: All right, let's start with some basics. Can anybody tell me what the difference between upstage and downstage is?
[No one can answer, including Joey.]
Joey: Yeah, this was a stupid idea.