Monica: Okay, I'm done, read mine.
Phoebe: Okay. Oo, I see a ladder, which can mean either a promotion or a violent death.
Monica: I'm the head chef, I can't get promoted.
Phoebe: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Who's next?

Joey: When you said it was a problem about your boss and the baby, I figured it was something about maternity leave.
Rachel: Oh, yeah. Yeah. That would have been a much simpler problem.

Phoebe: You're coming on a little strong, but I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt, because it seems the universe really wants us to be together. So why don't we just start over, okay? You can just tell me about yourself.
Jim: All right. I write erotic novels... for children.
Phoebe: What?
Jim: They're wildly unpopular.
Phoebe: Oh, my god!
Jim: Oh, also, you might be interested to know that I have a Ph.D.
Phoebe: Wow, you do?
Jim: Yep. A pretty huge...
Phoebe (walking out): All right....

Mr. Zelner: I've asked Lee from Human Resources to be here as a witness to our conversation.
Rachel: Oh, god.
Mr. Zelner: If I, in any way, implied that I wanted to buy your baby, I am sorry. Last week, when I asked you when your due date was, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was due your baby. Yeah, I want to be very clear that I understand that it's your baby, and that it's not mine to purchase.
Rachel: Well, as long as we are clear about that.

Joey: So, what happenned?
Rachel: It's all going to be okay. They're just so happy that I'm not suing them, that they gave me one extra month paid maternity leave. So long as I understand that the money should not be construed as a down payment on this or any other child that I may bear.