Monica: I didn't think you could keep it a secret.
Chandler: What? I am an excellent secret-keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
Joey: What secrets?
Chandler: Oh, no no, Joey. I am not going to tell you, because I am an excellent secret keeper.
Joey (privately): Psst. You'll tell me later?
Chandler: You already know.

Joey (on phone): Hey, Mr. Treeger,it's Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandler's apartment, it's an emergency. Uh... Uh... gas leak! Yeah, and bring garlic bread.

Monica: Did you hear that? They bumped them up to first class because they're on their honeymoon! Come on, let's act like we're on our honeymoon!
Chandler: We are on our honeymoon.
Monica: Grab my ass!

Ticket Agent: Okay, Mr. Bing, you'll be in 25J,and Mrs. Bing, you're in 25K.
Monica: Oh, no, you see, um, we're on our honeymoon. So, um, can you do you're little thing and bump us up to first class?
Ticket Agent: I'm sorry, all the first class seats are taken. That couple got the last two.
Monica: You see, if we'd gone around them like I said, then she would have given us those tickets! Damn it!
Chandler: 25J and K. Any chance those aren't together?

Rachel: I know, but, you know, condoms only work, like, 97% of the time.
Ross: Wha-what? What!? Well, they should put that on the box!
Rachel: They do.
Ross: No they don't! [He checks]. Well, they should put it in huge black letters!
Rachel: Okay, Ross, come on, let's just forget about the condoms.
Ross: Well, I may as well have!

Monica: No, you have been screwing us all day!
Man: Who are you?
Chandler: We're you! Just ten seconds later!

Ross: ...baby-proofing the aparment. Although, we could probably worry about that until after we get married.
Rachel: Wha... married?
Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married!
Rachel: What, because that's your answer to everything?

Ross: You can't possibly do this alone.
Rachel: Excuse me?
Ross: Come on, Rach. I mean, you can't even eat alone in a restaurant.
Rachel: What?
Ross: I'm just saying, if you can't eat by yourself, how do you expect to have a baby by yourself?
Rachel: I can too eat by myself!
Ross: When have you ever?
Rachel: When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!
Ross: Well, certain other people take 2 hours to eat a bowl of soup!
Rachel: Oh, please, you inhale your food!
Ross: I grew up with Monica. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!