Rachel: Okay. Uh, want something... want something to drink?
Ben: Okay.
Rachel: Great! How do you feel about Diet Coke?
Ben: I'm not allowed to have soda.
Rachel: Okay. Well, that's pretty much all that we have... Oh! Oh, have you ever had a virgin margarita?
Ben: What's a virgin?
Rachel: Water it is.

Rachel: Ben, you know, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. 'Cause I was... I was your daddy's girlfriend.
Ben: But you're not anymore!
Rachel: No, I'm not.
Ben: 'Cause you guys were on a break.

Phoebe: It's amazing! My headache is completely gone! What are those pills called?
Monica: Hexadrin.
Phoebe: Oh, I love you, Hexadrin! Oh look! It comes with a story!
Monica: No, Phoebe, those are, like, the side-effects and stuff.
Phoebe: Say what?
Monica: You know, the possible side-effects.
Phoebe: Oh my God! Dizziness, nervousness, drowsiness, facial swelling, nausea, headache... Headache! Vomiting, stomach bleeding, liver damage! Now, okay, I don't recall any of this coming up when you gave me these little death capsules! Oh, I'm sorry, extra-strength death capsules!

Phoebe: I have liver damage. Ow! Oh!
Monica: Phoebe, your liver is right here.
Phoebe: Okay, then I must be disoriented.

Phoebe: I feel like my face is swelling. Is my face swelling?
Monica: Phoebe, your face is fine! Come on, none of this stuff is going to happen to you! Stop being such a baby!
Phoebe: Oh, interesting you should call me that, now that I may never have one!

Phoebe: Did you ever feed him a poison capsule that made him bleed from the eyes?
Monica: It doesn't say that!
Phoebe: Oh, suddenly somebody knows all about the side-effects!

Chandler: How drunk are you?
Monica: Drunk enough to know that I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
Chandler: That's the perfect amount!

Rachel: But they're funny to kids, and who is it hurting?
Ross: Uh, you know what? I'll tell you who it hurts! It hurts the kid who has all his clothes stolen in gym class so he has to go to the principal's office wearing nothing but a catcher's mitt!
Rachel: That was you? We heard about you in Junior High! Did you really just shake your fist in the air and shout, "I will be revenged!"?
Ross: I will be!

Rachel: Look, he doesn't have any brothers or sisters; somebody's gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I haven't taught him anything that a normal six year old doesn't know anyway!
Ben: Crap!
Rachel: I gotta go!

Phoebe: This is a six-hour pill! That's it, I'm out of the woods! Oh, what a relief!
Joey: Good for you!
Phoebe: Oh, it's like huge weight has been lifted! 'Cause look, no hair loss, not a rash, no hives. I'm just so happy! Because no shortness of breath, no temporary euphoria... Oh.