Chandler: Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke!
Ross: What? No, no, it's mine! It's my joke! You can call them, they'll tell you!
Chandler: It's my joke.
Ross: It's my joke.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jokes? You guys know they have naked chicks in there, right?

Phoebe: Ah... Remember the days when you used to go out to the barn, lift up your shirt, and bend over?

Joey: Uh, Gunther, I can't pay for this right now because I'm not working, so I've had to cut down on some luxuries like, uh, paying for stuff.

Monica: She picked Rachel. I mean, she tried to back out of it, but it was obvious. She picked Rachel.
Chandler: He took my joke, he took it.
Monica: It's wrong. You know what else is wrong? Phoebe picking Rachel.
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross! You know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? I'm going to get a joke journal. You know? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Monica: That's a good idea.
Chandler: Yeah!
Monica: Do you know what's a bad idea?
Chandler: Picking Rachel.
Monica: That's right!

Rachel: Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom to. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffee house. First of all, the customer is always right. A smile goes a long way. And if anyone is ever rude to you: Sneeze Muffin.
Joey: Thanks, Rach. Look, you guys are just terrific. You know? Now, how about clearing out of here so I can get some new customers. It's all about turnover.
Ross: Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee?
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry, Ross. I'll get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, I'll toss in a free muffin.

Monica: So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?
Rachel: Yes, we are very sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky.
Monica: Hah!
Phoebe: That's true, I am flaky.
Rachel: So, what, you're just... you're just okay with being flaky?
Phoebe: Yeah, totally.
Monica: Well, then, I'm okay with being high maintenance.
Rachel: Yeah, and I am okay with being a pushover.
Phoebe: That's great. Good for you guys.
Monica: I am not high maintenance!
Rachel: I am not a pushover!
Phoebe: Who said you were?
Monica and Rachel: You did!
Phoebe: Oh, I'm flaky. I'll say anything.