Pete: So, ya know, that's why within a few years that voice recognition is gonna be pretty much standard on any computer you buy. So you can be, like... like, "Wash my car," "Clean my room." You know it's not gonna be able to do any of those things... but it'll understand what you're saying.

Monica: Hello, people who do not live here! I gave you a key for emergencies.
Phoebe: We were out of Doritos.

Ross: Hey, how'd the date go with Mr. Millionaire?
Chandler: Mr. Millionaire: New from Snooty Playthings. Third wife sold seperately.

Monica: I mean, in every other way he's... he's the perfect guy. He has everything. Plus he actually has everything.
Chandler: Life sized Imperial Storm Troopers from Sharper Image?
Monica: Two.
Chandler: Wow. Can Joey and I put them on and fight?

Joey (chanting): Oh mommy, oh daddy, I am a big ol' baddy. Oh mommy, oh daddy, I am a big ol' baddy.
Ross: I guess he must have gotten the part in that play.
Chandler: Yeah. Either that or Gloria Estefan was right: Eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.

Joey: So, the, uh, play is pretty great, huh?
Kate: Uh, yeah. I love Jennifer Benler's work. She's so brilliantly incisive when it comes to deconstructing the psyche of the American middle class.
Joey: Oh, forget about it! She rocks!

Kate: That infomercial... for the milk-carton-spout-thing! You're the guy who doesn't know how to pour milk!
Joey: See, I actually can pour milk. But I got ya believing that I couldn't. Now, see that's acting.
Kate: Right. And at the end you choked on a cookie.
Joey: Yeah, that was real.

Phoebe: You know what? You should, like... you should buy a state and just name it after yourself.
Pete: What, like Pete Dakota?
Phoebe: Or like Mississipete.
Joey: Oh, oh I got it: Pete Chicago.
Chandler: That's not a state, Joe.
Joey: Oh, and Mississipete is?

Joey: Ya know, I don't know why my character likes you, either. I mean, it says in the script here that you're a bitch.
Kate: It doesn't say that in the script!
Joey: It does in mine.

Chandler: Ross, you gotta stop, okay? You can't just stare through the peep-hole for three hours. You're gonna get peep-eye.

Chandler: You didn't just break up.
Ross: Hey, it's been, like, three weeks.
Chandler:You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up. Bullets have left guns slower.

Ross: I can't see anything with the door closed!
Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.

Rachel: I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry. It's not very fair to you.
Mark: Ah, fair, schmair, ya know. Look, ya wanna get back at Ross? I'm here for you. Really. No, no... I say... I say we get back at him right here on this couch. Right here.

Pete: Can I ask you something? Where are we?
Monica: Well, with all these doctors and nurses, I'm gonna say, "Midget Rodeo."

Chandler: I don't think this town is big enough for the both of us to relax in. Draw!

Joey: Just because she went to Yale Drama, she thinks she's, like, the greatest actress since... since sliced bread.
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread... a wonderful Lady Macbeth.

Chandler: If you were in a school-yard, you'd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now.
Joey: Oh yeah? Then how come I keep thinking about her in all these sexual scenarios and stuff, huh?

Phoebe: Hey! Why isn't it "Spidermun?" Ya know, like Goldman, or Silverman?
Chandler: It's not his last name.
Phoebe: It isn't?
Chandler: No. It's not like... like "Phil Spidermun". He's a spider-man. You know, like, uh, like Goldman is a last name, but there's no Gold-Man.
Phoebe: Oh, okay! There should be a "Gold-Man!"