Ross: She's my ex-wife. If she were marrying a guy, none of you'd expect me to be there.
Joey: Hey, if she were marrying a guy, she'd be like the worst lesbian ever.

Monica: I can't decide between lamb or duck.
Chandler: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.

Mrs. Green: Monica! You look gorgeous! Oh, my! The last time I saw you, it was eat or be eaten.

Mr. Adelman: You're saying my wife is in you?
Phoebe: Yeah. Okay, you don't have to believe me, but, um, can you think of any unfinished business she might have had, like any reason she'd be hanging around?
Mr. Adelman: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
Phoebe: Everything?
Mr. Adelman: Everything.
Phoebe: Whoa, that's a lot of stuff.
Mr. Adelman: Oh, wait, I... I remember, she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, there's laughing in my head.
Mr. Adelman: Worth a shot, huh?

Monica: All right people, we're in trouble here. We've only got twelve hours and thirty-six minutes left! Move, move, move!
Chandler: Monica, I feel like you should have German subtitles.

Monica: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs and create a new appetizer called "Pigs in Ross." All right, ball a melon.
Chandler: Hey! How come I'm stuck dicing when he gets to ball a melon?

Joey: It just seems so futile, you know? All these women... and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.
Chandler: Well, now you understand how I feel every single day, okay? The world is my lesbian wedding.

Minister: Friends, family, we're gathered here today to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony.
Phoebe (as Mrs. Adelman): Oh my god. Now I've seen everything!
Phoebe: Whoa, she's gone. She's gone! Go ahead, get married. Go, go.