Phoebe: You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.
Chandler: Maureen Rosilla.
Ross: "Not hating Yanni," is not a real reason.

Phoebe: Okay, it's very faint, but I can still sense him in the building. GO INTO THE LIGHT, MR. HECKLES!

Ross: You don't believe in evolution?
Phoebe: I don't know, it's just, you know...monkeys, Darwin, you know, it's a, it's a nice story, I just think it's a little too easy.
Ross: Too easy? Too.... The process of every living thing on this planet evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms is... is too easy?
Phoebe: Yeah, I just don't buy it.
Ross: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, don't get me started on gravity.
Ross: You uh, you don't believe in gravity?
Phoebe: Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just...I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.
[There's a knock at the door]
Chandler: Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed.

Rachel: Have you ever seen so much crap?
Chandler: Actually, I think this apartment sullies the good name of crap.

Ross: Ok, Pheebs. See how I'm making these little toys move? Opposable thumbs. Without evolution, how do you explain opposable thumbs?
Phoebe: Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.

Phoebe: What is this obsessive need you have to make everyone agree with you? No, what's that all about? You know what I think? I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope.
Ross: Is there blood coming out of my ears?

Chandler: Our trains are on the same track, okay? Yeah, sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same! Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction!

Rachel: Hey Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp.
Chandler: Neat. I'm gonna die alone.
Rachel: Ok, you win.
Monica: Chandler, you're not gonna die alone.
Chandler: Janice was my safety net, okay? And now I have to get a snake.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Why is that?
Chandler: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y'know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies! Kids won't walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!

Rachel: You're not gonna end up alone.
Phoebe: Chandler, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone!
Monica: You made it!
Phoebe: You're there!
Rachel: You are ready to make a commitment!
Chandler: Whoa! Don't know about that.

Chandler (thinking): My God, that's a big head! It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting. My head must look like a golf ball at work! All right, don't get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser... big head, big head, big head!