Joey: It's a fertility study.
Monica: Oh, Joey, please tell me you're only donating your time.
Joey: All right, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars.
Phoebe: Wow. Oh, you're gonna be making money hand over fist!

Chandler: Men are here.
Joey: We make fire. Cook meat.
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.

Joey: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... personal experiments, if you know what I mean.
Monica: Joey, we always know what you mean.

Ross:: Hey, is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her a happy birthday before I left.
Monica: Oh, no, she's out having drinks with Carl.
Ross: Oh. Hey, who's Carl?
Monica: You know: that guy she met at the coffeehouse.
Ross:: No.
Phoebe: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the...
Ross:: At the coffeehouse, right.
Phoebe: So you do know who he is!

Ross: Do you guys know who Carl is?
Chandler: Uh, let's see. Alvin, Simon, Theodore.... No.
Ross:: Well, Rachel's having drinks with him tonight.
Joey: Oh no! How can she do that when she's never shown any interest in you?

Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man.
Chandler: I'm still on my first. I... I just think you're nice.

Rachel: This one's from Joey. Feels like a book, I think it's a book. Feels like a book, and... it's a book!
Phoebe: Oh, it's Dr. Seuss!
Joey: That book got me through some tough times.
Melanie: There is a little child inside this man!
Chandler: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.

Phoebe: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune.
Monica: I can't believe he did this.
Chandler: Come on--Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Rachel: What did you just say?
Chandler: ahem... um... Crystal duck?

Joey: That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.

Chandler: So how'd it go?
Joey: Oh, it was amazing. You know how you always think you're great in bed?
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.
Joey: Well, it's, like, last night I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And the response I got... man, oh man, it was like a ticker tape parade!
Chandler: Yes, I know. As it happens my room is very very close to the parade route.