~Sermons~

Before I get a shload of e-mails crying out that my sermons are a mockery of religions everywhere and that I'll burn for this, let me tell you first- these sermons are teachings on what I view as important. Some have religious basings, while other seem completely pagan and secular. Nevertheless, I shall continue writing them as they are a view of not only my perspective, by the outrage of a generation screaming to be heard. Try and stop me. I dare you. But it's a free country...for now.

Sermon 8: NEWSFLASH- Truth Hurts is not just a singer

People annoy me to no end- i can't even explain it anymore. Upon my observations of people in general, i have come to a new conclusion- idiocy is the norm. People are so confused when they hurt someone else, they're always like "what did i do?" well.. think about it kid. Or, they just want to blame it on someone else, like "who is it that is hurting you? what is wrong?" you, genius, you're driving me nuts so shut up. So this leads me back to point one: people annoy me. Fake people... now thats another story, don't even get me started on fake people. People who keep you close because you're the enemy, who would play Gene and jounce the limb just to see "what if?". I don't deny it- I do every once in awhile. How do you think I turn out number one? Hard work, effort, paranoia, and a dash of insanity, and bake in a pressure cooker with 500 competitors. Tada! But all of that aside, who are our real friends? People who stand by us when we're down? People whom we talk to every day? People that protect us from the big scawy real world? Or are they those few select people who are perfectly happy kicking our butts into reality and making us think. Bottom line: TRUTH HURTS- a lot. I bet there are maybe a handful of people on this earth that have true friends, friends who would tell everyone of their friends what exactly they thought about the other. I know I'm not a true friend- i keep my mouth shut 95% of the time... but my question is, would sparing your feelings make me an enemy?
 

Sermon 7: A Little Christmas Education...

    What kills me more than anything is how people say they don't celebrate "Christian" Christmas. Ok, fine, be like that, but in every little action, something is praising Jesus, so, we may be off of school, but tough gingerbread- time for a little Christmas education.....

Christmas lights: Mimic the night sky. Represent the star the guided the three wise men as well as the "light of the Lord". Candles are also viewed as such.

Christmas Tree:
Evergreens represent life as they are green year-round. The triangular shape guides the eye to the top of the tree, where a star or angel usually recides (like that of the Christmas story). Ornaments represented those who saw the Christkind, as well as gifts they might have given.

Candy Canes: Although hung upside down most of the time, the candy cane was made to form a J, which stood for Jesus. The red and white stripes will be explained in the next line.

Christmas Colors:
Red stands for the blood of christ (eventually shed), while white stands for purity, green for everlasting life. Such colors schemes can be seen in the candy cane, the evergreen, holly, mistletoe, etc.

Exchanging of Gifts:
Tradition started by the first christmas. When God gave to the nations His only son, the people gave the Christkind gifts as well. The well known were gold, frankensense and myrrh <-(nasty stuff that is) as well as the song from the drummer boy and the praises from the shepherds.

Santa Claus: <-gotta love the man
Around the 1400's, a young German priest named Nikolaus lived in Germany. He was a generous man in deed, and believed heavily in the Christmas spirit. One year, he noticed that a particularly poor man had no money for a Christmas celebration, and no dowry for his three impoverished daughters to get married. That night , Nikolaus threw three bags of gold down the poor mans chimney- Nik was 21 years old. Nikolous then became a bishop, wearing long red robes and often a white fur sash . He grew a long beard (as most old men of the time did) and turned rather portly. When he died, since he was a giving man of god they recognized him as a saint, and was dubbed Saint Nikolaus. Santa Claus is just just his name lost in the translation and illiteracy of the times(Saint sounds like Sant if you didn't know how to spell, Claus= niKoLAUS )
 
 

As the Christmas season is upon us, in some cases it has stood up and choked us to death. Upon 16 observation of Christmas, I have come to the following conclusion: of those who celebrate the Holiday, there are three main classes- The X-masers, the Chreasters, and the Christians....

X-masers: Ok, X-masers: you know who you are. To the rest of us, they're the materialistic children who took Christ out of Christmas. It's all about finding the perfect gift, going broke, bills, Christmas dinner, plastic lawn decorations with toy soldiers all around. These are the people who make me sick- they really have no concept of Christmas except they have two lists, each a mile long. One is of things they HAVE to buy people, another is things they HAVE to get, otherwise the holiday will be a total loss. Church is excluded from the days events, as in most cases is anything having to do with religion.

Chreasters:
Ah, the most populous of the classes. Chreasters are those dedicated to serving God and going to church- but only on Christmas and Easter (hence the name...) They make attempts to go to church sometime throughout the year, but often those attempts are not only few and far between, but preceed failure. Regardless, an attempt is an attempt, and i will give them credit for that. In many cases, however, Chreasters celebrate Christmas similarly to the X-masers- a shload of presents, from Santa, to the children in the name of *das Christkind. Slightly hypocritical if you ask me...
( *the Christ child)

Christians:
The smallest of the three groups, the Christians celebrate solely the birth of Jesus Christ. Like the other two classes, they may exchange gifts and do similar holiday antics, but the true meaning is not behind the present, the spirit lies within the gift of the Birth.

I have nothing against anyone in any of these classes, and i do admit there are people who do not fit in any of these classes. I know people to celebrate Christmas as a time of giving- period. Others may plead that Christmas is "A Time for Family", which it is, but I bet the farm you'll fall into one of the above categories anyway. =0)

For the record, I am not always a negative person. I love life, I love events, I love holidays. However, because of commercialization, exploitation, and propaganda, the original meanings of holidays have been killed. St. Patricks day, for example, was an Irish holiday used to celebrate the Irish Catholic saint who drove the snakes out of Ireland.

Lets do the time warp again... go back to about 1996, 1997. TV was filled with useless cartoons (pre South Park, of course), Rocko's Modern Life, Rugrats, and KABLAM! just to name a few of my favs... but one stuck out amongst the motionless soup that was the pre-adolescent mind- Ren and Stimpy. I never was one for the show- it was usually stupid things about a  cat (Stimpy)who had a fondness for a type of kitty litter and a Chihuahua (Ren) who was very violent towards the other characters... It's amazing, how, in retrospect,this show prepared the way for shows like Angry Beavers (another favorite!) , South Park, and other things found on Cartoon Network's "Adult Swim". Unlike Rocko's Modern Life, Ren and Stimpy had no educational value (I still argue that Rocko should have been part of cable in the classroom!) and was, in reality, quite vulgar. If you asked me to remember any one episode about Ren and Stimpy, I could probably remember three things: 1) the log song. You know it. "What rolls down stairs at once or in pairs and over your neighbor's dog?It's good for a snack, And fits on your back, It's log, log, log! It's lo-og, it's lo-og,It's big, it's heavy, it's wood. It's lo-og, it's lo-ogg, it's better than bad, it's good! Everyone wants a log.You're gonna love this log. Come on and get your log Everyone needs a log.(LOG FROM BLAMMO)" It was great.
2)When Ren and Stimpy hugged and declared they were best friends and they cried together... that was unexpected, usually since Ren usually beat Stimpy during every show. The last thing I will never forget about Ren and Stimpy, (as well as anyone who lived at least 5 years in the 90's will never foget), 3) is one simple song, composed mainly of two words. Happy, and Joy, titled, "Happy Happy, Joy Joy". This song is the epihany of all mindless tunes, but more than anything, it defined an era of people literally dying to be happy, to even have a definition of being happy! If you read the lyrics (at the bottom of this sermon), it is really a sad song. If you take the song  and read the writing of the lyrics I have highlighted in white, and then the chorus you find one twisted cry for help. Welcome to the 90's.

"Hello boys and girls, this is your old pal, Stinky Wizzleteats
 This is a song about a whale,NO this is a song about being happy
 Thats right!
 Its the happy happy, joy joy song!

 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy joy

 I dont think your happy enough, thats right!
 I'll teach you to be happy!
 I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!
 Now boys and girls, lets try it again...

 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy joy!

 Iff-in you ain`t the grandaddy of all liars!
 The little critters of nature...they dont know that they're ugly.
 Thats very funny! A fly marrying a bumble bee!
 I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me!
      WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME?!

 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy, joy joy
 Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy, joy joy joyyyy!"

So to those of you who feel I have ruined your childhood memories, I am sorry, but this is all in the good of a sermon: how many of us are living Ren and Stimpy Lives? Subliminal messages tucked inside our happy songs? Why is it so hard for people to express their sadness, their ecstacy, their indifference? What, is it bad for your ratings? Ren and Stimpy in one two minute song defined commonplace life in the 90's- short, anguished, and confusing- so who all is still stuck watching Ren and Stimpy? Anyone? Show of hands...I'll tell you this- turn it off quickly, it ruins your inner vision.

Y'all know the words. Sing it with me now. "All you need is love...all you need is love... all you need is love, Love... love is all you need......Can't you see? It's easy. All you need is love, Love, love is all you need...." The reason I sing this song is because it's my own little lullaby- and it's the truth. Through various analyzations of friends and loved ones, I have concluded that this song is true- love is the only common bond between us all. Whether love is recieved from human, God, (or other divine source), animal or whatever, love makes the world go around. People live miserable lives, ailed by sickness, mental disease, self hatred etc., and once love arrives they are cured . It's a miracle, isn't it? When you think about when you are happy, it is always when you are feeling loved isn't it? Accepted, an internal warmth, a feeling of belonging. It's all we want. "Forget shelter, I'll freeze. Take away my food, I'll starve. No water, I'll faint... but without love I am worthless."- Ashes . Short sermon today folks. Not much to say, interpret it as you will, but the facts remain the same. As long as you wait to feel loved, and don't rush it, love comes to you, and it will never leave.

Lyrics:
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
      Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
      Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
      It's easy.

      Nothing you can make that can't be made.
      No one you can save that can't be saved.
      Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
      It's easy.

      All you need is love.
      All you need is love.
      All you need is love, love.
      Love is all you need.

      All you need is love.
      All you need is love.
      All you need is love, love.
      Love is all you need.

      Nothing you can know that isn't known.
      Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
      Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
      It's easy.

      All you need is love.
      All you need is love.
      All you need is love, love.
      Love is all you need.

      All you need is love (Paul: All together, now!)
      All you need is love. (Everybody!)
      All you need is love, love.
      Love is all you need (love is all you need).

      Yee-hai!
      Oh yeah!
      She loves you, yeah yeah yeah.
      She loves you, yeah yeah yeah.

(Dedicated to Josh)

For those of you who don't know me very well (or don't visit my site often) it may interest you to know that I am dyslexic (which means I often read things backwards). The worst time of my life was when on the first day of school my sophomore year we had to read aloud the 15 digit numbers out of the back of our books to check them in. That was pretty ugly. As for my website? Thank God for spellcheck. Being dyslexic, however, has it's advantages. I'm really good at making up rhymes so I can remember stuff without having to rely on looking at a word, and I'm a witch at scrabble. The best thing about it, however, is that I can often see things in a different way (no pun intended). Some people see evil, I see live, but I always strive for perfection. Do you know how hard that is? I bet you don't. I bet 95% of those who read this just want their good grade, or their pat on the head, and to get out of whatever they're doing without being eaten alive. I am a perfectionist. I must have absolute silence before I go to bed- I hear everything. I can't stand having 94% A's, I have to have at least a 97%, and don't get me even started on body images. Perfect. Perfection is such an critical aspect of our lives that it's almost obscene. If you called me on my cell this Tuesday night, I would be in stage crew, painting while reciting elements of French absolutism, dictating to my assistant what exactly I want for the fashion show, listening to two artists audition and trying to remember my dance piece. If you got me later in the evening I would be driving down the street changing from dance clothes to volleyball uniform, reciting mathmatical formulas and writing about censorship as I applied makeup. My dear readers: I am not stressed because of dyslexia and how it hinders mental movement, I am not stressed because I am a perfectionist and held captive by the afore mentioned, I am not stressed because I have a heavyworkload. I'm stressed because of all of the above combined. In the same light, it keeps me sane, grounded if you will. If I had time to think about what I do, watch the world spin by, I'd lose my mind. Ashes' first ablum, Pearfect was titled as such to make a mockery of society and of ourselves. We figured, "No one can be perfect, not even the word"... but I digress: life is in the mind of the beholder. If you see a situation as bad, disabling, then you're doomed, sorry. If you're always wondering, forever following, never taking action then you will always be lost, no matter who tries to lead you. So while y'all ponder whether the glass is half empty or half full, I pick up my cup and drink whatevers left cuz really, it's all about how you look at it.

Life is...finish the sentance. Go ahead. Our whole perspective of life, our entire life is defined by the moment. Right now, as I type, my life is a game. Little plastic pieces put on a board, and we move them inch by inch forwars, backwards, either way STILL TRYING to reach our goal. What goal? Me, it's success. I don't know how to define success, but I know when I'll find it. Right now, my mini-goal is to be #1 in my class. By the time I find out what my class standing is, my goal will be different. I have friends who annoy me to no end: they say they have a goal, but all they really have is a happy standing. They're in a position and they like it. Now, we all have to take a turn, roll the dice eventually, and when we do, we'll no longer be in the same standing. Why be happy where you are when you know you can't stay? Be happy for where you can go, where you've been, where you will go, but crimeny, don't be content for it to always be like that! If you have a great boyfriend, ok grades and a dream, don't ALWAYS expect it to be that way. Boyfriends come and go, grades rise and fall, dreams either take flight or die. It's all a matter of playing the game. Don't always play by the rules, you can never really achieve anything by following anyone. Don't play with more than your piece, bitte, life is fragile, people get hurt. Life is. Life is NOT an obsession. Life is NOT evolving around one thing. Life is NOT all about you, so get over yourself. So what is life?