Some days

Even here in cyberspace

I can't escape the 'real world'

Like a nagging voice in my head (to add to the collection of voices)

The real world persistently tugs at the back of my mind

Telling me I should be somewhere else

Doing something else

~

In the real world

I�m always on the outside of life

Staring in

~

Yet when I'm online

I�m on the inside

Looking out at the real world

~

And laughing

~

Because I�m somewhere better

Than the shitty house I live in

~

Surrounded by life�s

Shitty

Little

~

Except

Not

Today

~

Today

Even my online existence

Has closed me out

~

I�m locked on the wrong side

Of the monitor screen

~

Watching the existence I�ve made

For myself

Play out

Without me

~

Teasing and taunting me

For being trapped here

Where lights are too bright

And breathing

Is such a god damned

Strenuous task

~

I'd love to sometimes scream

For the whole entire world

to

go

away

~

Perhaps I could then simply float

In a void

Where nothing exists

But timeless darkness

~

A chasm

Where even my thoughts can be stilled

And silent

~

I could at last release my mind

And release hold on the physical world

With all of its problems

Both the pathetically trivial

And grimly important

~

I could imagine

Nothing else exists

~

Not even

Myself

~

Especially

not

myself

~

The

perfect

world

~

Here in the real world

I wade

Through life

~

The burden of responsibility

At times

Forcing me to crawl

On my knees

Just to reach

The end

Of the day

~

By the time I�ve clawed my way

Into nightfall

I have a moment to gather my breath

Before realisation hits

...this day will repeat itself all over again�

Tomorrow

~

And so I throw myself into the online world

Through the wee hours of the night

As if it�s a cure-all

~

And it is

With promises

That will never be kept

~

Because as much as I try

To deny it

At some stage sleep

Claims me

~

It�s just a matter of how long I can continue

Jugging

My duo-existence