What is Sisyphean Future?

A site submerged in melancholy. An expression of myself: where I�ve come from, and where I am now. And why some girls wander by mistake�occasionally.

Most All of this stuff was written in my darkest hours. While my soul was screaming. That's when I find my mind filling with words, begging to be released. Begging to be exorcised like the patron demon of depression. Whoever that might be�

I was initially wary of posting my blackened heart online, not wanting to appear always this dismal. Because I have to admit, this is a damn depressing site I�ve constructed.

Of course I have happy thoughts. A lot of them. But happiness doesn�t inspire me, it doesn�t move me to write. Happiness lies stagnant within me, something to indulge in for a while, and share with friends and family so that we can pretend for a short time to be normal. But it�s a wasted energy where writing is concerned. For me anyway.  I feed of angst like a soul sucking vampire.  Misery is my muse.

A lot of this was written years ago, when I was 13 - 19. My height of melancholy. Now I keep these writings as a reflection. A reminder of what I was - what I struggled with inside myself for so many years. And how far I've come since.

There are still times when the dark hour stikes, and the depths of blackness reach up to claim me (blah blah blah� in other words - who doesn�t get depressed from time to time?) And then after moaning and whinging and bleating on about the parody of being me� I write. It�s how I work my way through it. My coping mechanism.

And one I highly recommend.

After all, it�s much healthier than carving up skin with razor blades (lighters, cigarettes, sticks of incense, nails, sharpened sticks� whatever�s handy).

If you can�t beat it, join it. As the saying goes.

I mean, if depression is a vulture that sits on your shoulder and calls itself your friend, then learn to cope with it.  Use it as a tool for creative expression.  Or whatever moves your furniture.