| Chapter 5 It has been a month. Long 31 days. Scott was relesed from hospital and was now nursed by a loving wife and Logan was in his trashed apartment trying to smell the Cajuns scent. Remy was most likely dead. He had no chances of surviving. The building was in fire for two days. Only after 8 hours the fireman managed to extinguish it completly. The amout of the bodies that were find inside was frightening. Almost twenty five people. All the corpses has been torched so indentification was nearly impossible. Logan entered the bedroom and sat on the bed. The sheets still smelled like him. The first few days he was tying to understand why Remy did such a thing? Why did he sacrifice his own life? And the feelings he saw in his eyes befor the door closed� was there something deeper? Love? He groaned and covered his face with his arm. It was no use in tormenting himself like this. He could not bring the kid back. Nothing could. Before he knew he fell asleep. A lumber with dark, haunting images that left him more exhausted than before. He hardly slept those last weeks. Day and night the only thing he was able to think of was the beautiful Cajun thief. He kept wondering what would happen if he was more� forgiving? Less feral? He should have seen he truth when the thief came here to help him find Scott. But he was too caught up in his own pain to see anything. Maybe if he noiced that desperate wish to pay for his sins, maybe he would be able to save his life? The thing that woke him from his shallow sleep was soft knocking on the door. The unfamiliar scent surprised him. Whoever was there smelled like� ice? Curious he opened the door only to see a young man, blonde, athletic, not to tall. He was definitely a mutant. Logan nose was never wrong. And he was nervous. - Yeah? - Um� Mr. Logan? - Yes, who are you? - My name is Robert Drake. - So? � Asked Logan grufly. - I have something for you. - What? The blonde man reached into his pocket and took out three discs. Two of which looked painfully familiar. Logan grabbed the kid by the collar and dragded him through the door, slamming him into the wall. - What this is all about? Who are you? Where did you go these? � His face turned into menacing snarl. - Remy told me to give it back to you. Logan let him go at once. - Remy? Is he alive? Where� - He gave them to me a month ago and told to wait three weeks before I turn them back. The third one contains a lot of data on Essex. Remy gathered the info personally. This stuff will allow you to put that bastard away for a lifetime imprisonment. - Who are you? � Asked Logan once again. - A friend of Remy. It was me who disabled the security system when you saved Scott Summers. - Do you know where he is? Suddenly the young man turned his gaze away. Logan knew he was hiding something. - I am not sure I should be telling you this. After all it was because of you that Remy went on that suicide mission. I knew there was no way out of that fucking headquarter. But he wanted to erase his guilt so desperately� I should have known. � He sighed. Then his eyes turned to ice and his voice had na edge of anger to it. - It was your fault! You never gave him a chance. Logan wanted to growl, snap at the kid but couldn''t. After all he was telling the truth. - I� he bertayed my trust. Worked for Essex. He� - He wanted to find his sister! - What?! - You never even asked him, did you? � Shauted Drake. � When he came here to hel you, you never even considered forgiving him� He worked for Essex because that bastard found his kid sister, that Remy lost years ago, and demanded those fucking discs in exchange for her address. Remy has no family, only her. Logan felt a sickening feeling of guilt inside his chest and tried to swallow around a lump in his throat. - You said "has". Does ut mean Remy is alive? - I am not sure you can call it that, but� yeah. He is alive. - Where can I find him? * * * H ecouldn't breath, he couldn't speak. The only thing Logan could do was stare at the fragile figure on the hospital bed wired to so many machines that it was hard to even see the outline of the body. The sickness. The pain. The hurt he smelled coming off of what used to be Remy made him sick. His face was bruised, his chest cut by knife or claws� the doctors couldn't decide. The skin on his wrists completly torn away leaving only raw flesh. The bruises and other small wounds covere every inch of his body. Long hair lost it's shine and spilled over the white pillow lifelessly just like the rest of him. He looked so young. So fragile and vulnerable� so dead. - What� - Croaked Logan, unable to speak more. Drake, standing beside him was also quiet. He however had time to get used to the sight of his friend. It hurt him, but he knew what to expect when he entered the room. He however didn't warn Logan. He let him enter unprepared. He wanted to hurt him, cause him pain because he knew, Remyd id it only for Logan. Silently he watched the Canadian going pale and the sheer terror in his face. - He was found four days ago. There are no life threatening injuries anymore. His body heals fine. But the problem is him mind. Logan looked at him questioningly. Bobby went over to the bed and pulled the thind gaze away to reveal opened red on black eyes. Eyes that didn't react to the touch, nor presense at all. - Remy� - Called Logan brokenly, still expecting the thief to look at him, react. But there was nothing. - What� what happened? Drake looked at him, took in the pain and after a painstakingly long moment he answered. - Remy is� was� and empath. Essex is a telepath. He tortured him from both physical and psyhical sides. Dr. Xavier, one of the most powerfull telepaths, said that there is nothing he can do. Remy's mind� was overloaded with pain and sufering. Essex kept abusing him till he broke and finally stopped reacting to everything around him. When he lost the ability to eel pain, Essex got rid of him. Logan came closer and looked into the lifeless eyes that used to seduce him. He remembered the way Remy got him into bed. Using not words but touches, scents and sights. He understood him so well� If only he gave the kid a chance to explain! - The doctors say that� there are no chances of him coming back. Ever. - Remy� oh god� Remy� - Logan reached out a shaking hand and tried to touch Remys hand but the amout of IV and other tubes made it almost impossible. Finally he settled for the cheek. Only his fingertips touched the cold skin. He shivered remembering that this skin used to be so warm, hot even� When they made love that only time, Remys face was flushed and eyes burning with lust and need that was real. Only now, when his rage had died he remembered the scents that were real. No one could fool his nose. The lust he smelled on the kid was always true. The tenderness and trust also. He remembered the way the kid gave his body to him. With complete and utter trust. He made that experience the most erotic memory he had. Now he was lying in that hospital bed without even a tiniest spark of life in him. Logan tenderly pushed the diry hair from his face, so focused on the thief that he didn't notice quickly blinking Bobby leaving the room. - I'm sorry Dalin'. Oh, God I am so sorry� He closed his eyes when memorie came crushing on him. His apartment, that first night when he found the kid on his doorstep and then watched him change his clothes. Logan stood in the entrance to the bathroom and watched the Cajun. He still hadn't figured out how the hell the kid got him to agree to him staying here. Gambit slowly unbuttoned his shirt and slowly took it off. He seemed to not notice Logan observing him, but Logan knew better. He had caught the change in the kid's breathing. Still, he watched the muscles of those long arms rippling when he was undressing. Still the kid proceeded to undress� There was something almost hypnotizing in the thief taking off one piece of clothing at a time. He was beautifully built. His long slender, elegant body was definitely eye-catching. The Cajun washed his hands and then unbuttoned his Levi's. There was a loud /slump/ when the wet material hit the floor. Remy was now standing only in his briefs and started to slowly unwrap the bandage from his left wrist. Never once did he take his glasses off. "Why are you wearing glasses?" Remy stilled, his head bent, completely focused on his wrist. Logan KNEW he wouldn't get an answer. The kid was like an oyster � kept his mouth shut. He refused to explain to Logan just exactly WHY was he sleeping on his doorstep. He merely stared at him in silence, smelling of fear, loneliness and despair. Right now he wondered just how much of it was the truth? Maybe he wasn't palying a game to seduce him? Maybe he was just showing his real face? Then heremembered his words, so cruel and cold. Traitor!�I will never believe that you care about someone else than yourself. After all you are nothing more than a whore to hire. He recalled the way Remy hadn't defend himself. The way he lowered his head as in accepting those blunt words. Only once did he react to Logans comments. In Essex headqarter. When Scott asked who was with him. - No one Scott, noone worth atention� He SAW the way the kid backed a little, the pain on his face before he regained his pose. The mask shifted a little showing how much those words hurt him. And that last image o him, the still live, like a motion movie� last seconds before the damned door shut. Remy taking his glasses of. Those red on black eyes filled with love he refused to see. The single tear making it's way down and that sad desperation in his face. The knowledge, the absolute certainty, that Logan would never forgive him. Logan sqeesed his eyes wishing things were different. If only� But there was no chance of changing the past. His mistakes came back to him, to haunt him. He looked into that pale face and felt the hot wetness on his cheeks. There was a time when he vowed he would never cry. The first and the last tiem was when Jean left him for Scott. He thought he loved her with all his heart. Now he knew it was a lie. That feeling in comparision to what he felt for the thief was nothing more than a crush. The soul deep ache that seemed to cut through his soul like a hot knife made the beast inside him want to howl in pain. Tears run freely down his face. - Oh God, Remy� And the tame broke. Feelings, memories� everything came rushing back to him. "Shh� cher, let Remy help� Let Remy take care of dis�" He whispered softly while touching the burning, thick cock, with only his fingertips. "traitor! �Whore to hire!" "Noone�" "� I am sorry I hurt you Logan. Never wanted it to happen." The only time Remy spoke in first person. Logan needed to touch remy so desperately. It seemed that all his being, the very sense of existance, closed in this single desire. To touch. To feel. To make sure that there was even a tiniest spark of hope, life left in the body on the bed. "�Traitor�" "�Whore�" "�No one�" "�Remy sorry�" "�Kill you�" " The doctors say that� there are no chances of him coming back. Ever. " "�are no chances�" "�Ever�" He gathered the lifeless body into his arms, seemingly not noticing the IV's and tubes. He awkwardly pulled the upper body close to his chest and supported the completly limp head. He couln't take it any more. Logan threw his head backwards and howled in pain, leting all the hurt and pain out, screaming his soul away. Because he loved the man lying so lifelessy in his arms. And it was too late� TBC |