| .+. Laura's Speech .+. [ what i said at the funeral ] |
| The first memory of my whole life was the day Megan was born so I can't remember life without her. I was eating Weetbix for breakfast and I could feel a certain happiness that told me there was someone else in my life. I was 18 months old when I saw Megan for the first time. She was asleep and wearing pink. When dad wanted to take me home from the hospital, I wheeled Megan into the lift because I just couldn't let her go. Then I cried. Why couldn't she come home with me? That happened more than 13 years ago but I can remember it like it was yesterday. Megan and I went through a stage where I would be so jealous of her because I thought mum and dad loved her more than me. But then I found out that we were both as jealous as each other, so the truth is we are both loved to extreme points. Megan and I used to fight a lot. But whenever that happened we could only manage to pretend to be angry at each other for a day or two at the worst. It just shows that we couldn't live without each other. I always thought it would be so nice to have an older brother or sister, someone to look up to and someone to protect and watch out for me. But I realised it's also just as good to be that big sister, the mentor. And having someone to take care of. People have told me Megan said, "I want to be just like my sister." That makes me cry happy tears. She is like me and I am like her. We were like twins. More than just a blood relation. She wasn't just my sister, she was my best friend. There was no one in the whole world I was closer to. It still feels like I'm going to go home and she's gonna be there for me to talk to and tell her everything that happened today. And that she's going to be the last person I see before I go to bed and the first person I see in the morning when I wake up. It's still too hard to believe she's actually gone but it also feels like she's here. I can feel her here. Just the way I could feel her when she was born. Just like I could feel her die. I did feel her die. But I also felt that she's in heaven. And she is still here. On Thursday night I dreamt that me and her were listening to music like we always do, and we were dancing together. I told Caitlin Maggs this and she said, "Maybe you were dancing with her." I know I was. On Friday night when I was sleeping, I opened my eyes suddenly and she was there. I could see her. I could feel her. We didn't say anything to each other both these times but we didn't need to. Megan wrote so many letters. She wrote me one about every week for the past few months. Everytime she gave me one she would say, "You better write back this time!" But I never did. I always just talked to her about it straight away. In her letters she always put so many faces and if you read one it's like you can hear her voice saying the words. I found a letter in Megan's room that she wrote to Jackie on Tuesday night. There was a part in it that said, "My life is going pretty good right now". And it was. I honestly didn't see her sad or upset for at least a few weeks. All our spare time was spent with each other just laughing and talking and having fun. This past year was the closest me and her ever were. I always ask people what are the happiest and saddest times of their lives. If someone were to ask me that now I would say, "The happiest was the day my sister was born" and "the saddest was when I lost her." I wish I could see her beautiful smile and stunning eyes and hear her sweet laugh again. Those days where I couldn't even get out of bed, the days when it hurt to smile or when being around people made me cry, the only times I ever laughed was when I was with her. She was always with me, and I love her so much. And my little sister is still with me. |
| LaUrA |
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