| SELF i am so good today! but i am worried about money. i need to let it go. INTIMACY i miss jay. looking back at these entries, i see that not much is positive. but i miss him. i think that i only write about him to rag on him. i don't include the good stuff. i miss making out with him, and looking into his green eyes. and laughing with him. i want to be with him right now! WORK YEAH! i signed the preliminary contract! finally, a kind of decent paying job as a teacher! and a charter school at that! it sure as hell beats what i made at ***** for the last four years. now i will be able to invest, and keep a decent savings. i hate the way i have to dip into my savings every summer. and i will be able to repay my mom...get a few toys...plan for the future! and i will have real benefits this time...not bullshit benefits (fifty percent of the premium my ass). FAMILY my mom looks really good. what's up with that? maybe it was the hairstyle. COMMUNITY mathew sent more poems. the man floors me. "sissy vonnie voovoo." HAAAAA.... i will be going to sacramento! to the convention! i can't wait! SPIRITUALITY i still walk in shadow. haze. i need to be with jay right now. am i falling for him? not quite, but i feel these stirrings in the flutter part of my solar plexus. and i know that means something. |
| July 18, 2001 |
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