PeePee

Nightmare at P.S. 666

"Happy Halloween!" AudreyHorne sang on Tuesday morning. It was a stormy Halloween day. Audrey and Aquarius sat in The Lunchroom, ducking occasionally to avoid the mashed potatoes, mystery meat, and Jell-O squares, being flung around by the unruly children.
"Yeah," said Aquarius somewhat gloomily. "Happy Halloween."
"What's wrong?" asked Audrey, unwrapping her lollipop.
"Well�" said Aquarius, lowering his voice. "Things happen on Halloween, you know."
"Like what?" Audrey asked.
"Creepy things�nasty things�murderous things�you get the picture," said Aquarius. He poked at his mystery meat uncomfortably.
"Oh, lighten up!" said Audrey. "I love Halloween! The spookier, the better!"
"I agree," said a voice behind Audrey. Audrey choked on her lollipop, suffering extra humiliation.

"Oh, hello, littlewitch," said Aquarius uneasily. "What do you want?" littlewitch was wearing a black dress, with black lipstick and sparkly eye shadow caked on her face. Behind her stood the witch and megawitch.
"Nothing." The witch shrugged. "We just wanted to wish you a happy Halloween. Nothing wrong with that, is there?"
"Right," said Aquarius. "Well, thanks. Same to you. Bye now," he added pointedly.
"Bye," said megawitch. "Oh, and you might be right about Halloween being a little creepier, Aquarius." The witches laughed and walked away.
"What was that all about?" Audrey asked, coughing from the effects of the lollipop.
"I have no idea," said Aquarius, "and I'm sure I don't want to know."

In Art Class, things seemed more unruly than usual. The teacher was busy fawning over Delphia's portrait of the Mona Lisa. The witches stood together in a corner, snickering slightly. Aquarius and Audrey were feverishly trying to complete their paintings.
"How does this look?" Audrey asked, putting down her paintbrush. Aquarius wiped paint off his hands.
"Um, what IS it?" The painting was nothing more than a few blobs of purple, blue, and pink paint, with a green background.
"It's you!" Audrey said, impatiently. "Can't you tell? Then again, I'm sure Miss Perfect over there could do a whole lot better." She motioned to Delphia, who was daintily sipping something from her Thermos.
"Er, right," said Aquarius. "Anyway! I like your kilt. Where did you get it from?"
They continued chatting and were suddenly cut off. Delphia stood in the center of the room, gagging. Everybody was screaming.
The teacher gasped. "Somebody get the nurse! Quickly!"
Delphia made her way over to Aquarius. "Poster paint�poisonous�in my�lemonade...you�next�" She clutched at his kilt.
"DELPHIA! Oh my God! Please!" said a horrified Aquarius. He tried to hold her, but Delphia fell to the ground. She was dead.

"I can't believe it," Audrey said, wiping tears from her eyes as they went to the next class. "This is so sad. I can't believe it!"
"You're telling me," Aquarius said, morosely, pushing through the crowded halls.
"We told you so!" said a voice behind Aquarius.
"What do YOU want?" Audrey snapped. It was littlewitch. Audrey rolled her eyes pulled out another lollipop and unwrapped it.
"Well, Audrey. You've been quite the troublemaker lately. Maybe you know something about this?" Audrey choked on her lollipop, suffering extra humiliation.
"Funny how you knew so much about this before," said Aquarius. "Maybe YOU'RE the troublemaker."
"Ha!" said the witch. "You wish! Things don't always look as they appear." She smirked.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Audrey snapped again, coughing.
"You'll figure it out," said megawitch. "Toodles!"
"Grrrrrr!" Audrey snapped. "I hate them! Know-it-alls! I hope THEY'RE next; they're such witches!"
"Come on, kids," said RamonaQ, walking towards them. "Let's play nice, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah," said Audrey, rolling her eyes.
"No, I mean it, Audrey," said Ramona, firmly. "I know how, uh, out-of-hand you can get. Play nice, okay? Otherwise, you will all have to go to The Office." Ramona smiled gently and walked away.
"She's such a know-it-all," Audrey muttered, as they walked down the hall.
"Yeah," said Aquarius, "but she has good intentions."
"Whatever," Audrey said.
"I'm going to get a drink," said Aquarius. "We have gym next�wait for me Behind the Gym okay?"

When Audrey arrived, there was a huge circle of children. Audrey pushed her way through and gasped. RamonaQ's body was lying on the ground in the center of the circle; a pencil jabbed in her back.
"Such a tragedy!" Gorgeousgirl sobbed.
"Who DID this?" Cordelia asked, angrily.
"Whoever diddin is psychic indeedin'!" Pee Pee Man said.
"Yeah�" Audrey murmured. Aquarius brushed his way towards Audrey.
"Wow," he breathed. "This is bad." Audrey nodded, a blank look on her face.
"You know what her last words were?" Lucky Bitch cried. "Aquarius!"
"Wh-what?" Aquarius stuttered. "I'm next?"
"No! No more! I can't take this anymore!" daisybaby shrieked. Vagatarian put an arm around her.
"We've got a killer here," said Crystal23. "It could be ANYONE." Everybody became silent as the police covered Ramona's body with a sheet.
"Hey�" said Cordelia, as she leaned over, next to Ramona's body. "What this?" A small white stick laid next to Ramona. One end was sticky, smelling suspiciously of blueberry. It was�
"A lollipop stick!" said Lucky Bitch. "Whoever this psycho was had a weakness for lollies."
Audrey gulped suddenly. Everyone within earshot stared at her. Could it be�?
"Audrey!" shrieked Crystal. "I remember that Audrey had a lolly in The Lunchroom and then in the hall!"
"No! NO! It wasn't me!" Audrey shrieked as everyone closed in towards her.
"Give it up!" Cordelia shouted. "We ALL know what a troublemaker you are! But I can't believe you'd stoop this low!"
"Get Audrey!" daisybaby screamed. "Tease her to death!"
"But-," Audrey protested. "I-I didn't do it!"
Claudia, the principal, grasped Audrey's arm firmly. "To my office!" Everybody followed angrily. Aquarius kicked at the ground, as the area Behind the Gym emptied. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the three witches follow the crowd.

"Well," said Cordelia to Aquarius, "looks like we'll never know what happened that day."
"Yeah," said Vagatarian. "I don't get it. Did the three witches commit the murders or was it Audrey all along?"
Audrey had been locked in The Office alone, as Claudia had gone to get the police to interview Audrey. When they had arrived, the three witches were found, beaten to death with daily rock-hard bread served in the cafeteria at lunchtime. Audrey was found alongside them, a slab of bread in her hand. Rammed in her throat was a lollipop, the last one she would ever lick.
"I don't know," said Aquarius. "I don't think we'll ever know."
"Yeah�" said Gorgeousgirl. "I'm just glad it's all over with."
"Mmm hmmm," said Aquarius. He put his hand into the pocket of his kilt, smiling as he fingered a small slab of bread. "I'm hungry�lollipops anyone?"

Written by Pee Pee Man.