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| Miscellaneous Christmas Jokes |
| There once was a Czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. he was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife, "Look honey, it's raining!" She being the obstinate type responded, "I don't think so, dear, I think it's snowing." But Rudolph knew better, so he says to his wife, "Let's step outside and we'll find out." Low and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact raining. Rudolph turns to his wife and replies, "I knew it was raining because RUDOLPH THE RED KNOWS RAIN, DEAR! ***** It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the prisoner. "That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner. ***** T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care They'd been worn all week and needed the air. ***** This guy goes into his dentist's office because something is wrong with his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Holy Smoke! that plate I installed in your mouth abut six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?" "Well.... the only thing I can think of is this.... my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it... Hollandaise sauce, she called it. DOCTOR, I'm talking DELICIOUS! I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything." That's probably it," replied the dentist "Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. I'll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time." "Why chrome?" the man asked. "Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!" ***** One Christmas a mother decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given. the next year things were different. "The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly. "How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. What do you think caused the change in behavior?" "Oh that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks." ***** It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the creche when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. He hurried outside and saw little Johnny with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant Jesus. He walked up to little Johnny and said, "Well, where did you get your passenger, my friend?" Little Johnny replied, "I got Him at church." "And why did you take him?" asked the pastor. Little Johnny said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to God and told him he He would b4ing me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give Him a ride around the block in it, and that's what I'm doing!" **** |
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