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| December 1: Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving trukey. Paint gold and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards. December 2: Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3: Create a festive mood by hand-making snow and playing my own Christmas album. December 4: Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5: Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6: Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzewr committee for consideration. December 7: Debug Windows 2000 December 8: Decorate homegrown Christmas tree with scented candles handmade with beeswax from my back yard bee hives. December 9: Record own Christmas album complete with four-part har5mony and all instrument accompaniment performed by myself. Mail to all my friends and loved ones. December 10: Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth. December 11: Lay Faberge egg December 12: Erect ice skating rink in front yard using spring water I bottled myself. Open for neighborhood children's use. December 13: Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularlyfor decorative pie crusts. December 14: Install plumbing in gengerbread house. December 15: Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "Holiday Scents" in case tires are shot out at the mall. December 17: Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in sugar to make the pasture more festive. December 20: Drain city reservoir; refil with cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks. December 22: Float votive candles in toilet tank. December 23: Seed clouds for white Christmas. December 24: Do any annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are. December 25: Swaddle son and lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri. December 26: Organize spice racks by genus and phylum. December 28: Take dog apart, disinfect, reassemble. December 29: Hand-sew 365 quilts, each using 365 material sqwuares I weaved myself used to represent the calander. Donate to local orphanages. December 30: Release a flock of white doves, each individually decorated with olive branches, to signify the desire for world peace. December 31: New Year's Eave! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country. |
| Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar |
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