"The Life of a Star"

You're creating again
  I'm dreaming of Love
Don't want to wake up
  To see you go

Stars are bobbing in and out of view
You're swallowing oranges whole
I'm caught in a charred wheel
Watching the oncoming storm
The lightning burns your eyes
The raindrops melt my skin
You are blind, I'm a skeleton
We're somewhat beautiful again

We're running through a desert
  Mr. Man has got a gun
Our existence is non-existent to them
  They mean everything to us

The rainbow is shooting from what's left of your heart
I'm riding a gigantic bird through clouds
The holidays are coming
Magic and mystery glow around you
I'll always see your light
If I'm looking

Vultures stalk the dying
We die too much to care anymore
I live off honeysuckle flowers
You plant the seeds
We grow in a rainbow bubble
That someone needs to pop!
Dream little ones
Don't let go for anyone or anything
You can fly

I want to listen to music all day
  and play in a desolate garden with you
Lovely flowers singing for us
Gray ladies playing homemade flutes
We flutter
  in the chill of the night
The winter makes it hard to grow
Spring will prevail
  and give way to mom's vagina
We'll shoot out like sparks
Naked, but full of something
  Strange
A somewhat distant memory
  written on our brain
Soon to be covered by parasites
They'll die when we find the right poison
And we let our selves bleed
All over everything

It's like Love
Like a burnt heart falling through snow
Like the everyday masquerade ball
Like everything we know

The angels' wings are aflame
  with the desire to live again
I'm starry eyed
  watching the show
I'm praying on the floor
  convulsing
My body turns itself inside out
  Ripped at the seams
God is watching me masturbate
I love the soul sensation of his touch
You can't tell me you haven't felt me inside you at night

Moon sings complex songs
Cats play keyboards on white picket fences
Shoes are flying from empty houses
Feeding you a blue lily
You wash it down with bleach
I'm crying because I'm happy
The pen leaked and covered the truest thing I'd ever written
Maybe I should try to paint it
You swallowed all my paint, 'cause you knew

Searching for apples in a pool of lemonade
They're laughing
We are foolish
Newborns,
  or have we been here before?
We'll see the cycle in a dream
A floodgate will open
Babies will scream
Mom and dad might murder each other

It's funny isn't it?
A nightmare
Being run over by marbles on their way to the dried out sea
At least they're all shiny and pretty

Will you spit on my grave if I died?
I'd dive headfirst into yours
Falling thousands of feet
  to an invisible core
Lightning bursts
Eyeballs collide
Serpents sing and zombies cry
It's heaven
Without the pearly gates and etc.
You're painting on walls
  with tiny diamonds and tears
I tear off my face
You'll recognize me better by the glow
That would be cool
  'cause then I could go

Time's running out
It's dada all over again
Here's my tuba
Time to blow your horn
Suck in & blow out
Suck in & blow out
Scissors are selectively falling out of the sky
  right into certain people's eyes
Pandemonium rules
Rebirth again
Into a new light
Go crazy you beautiful one
		
Folded papers have little truths inside
Reach in my tummy and fuck yourself
It'll be fun
You turn me on
Jump out into the street
There's a big rig coming
  to smash you into tiny little bits
  that can never be pieced together again
  in the same way
It's a soul search

Let go of the images you've been spoon fed
Mommy's nipple is wrinkled & tired
There's a drought inside
Splash with me in orange juice
I'll fill you with cum
You're nothing now
Hold me
  but don't touch me
I'm fragile
A heart made of peanut brittle
It'll break wide open
When you break through the
  10,000 mile high
  electric barbed wire
  chain-linked
  locked & bolted
  super new, high-technology
  Very scientific
  gate
  that surrounds me

Let me take that stick out of your ass
  so I can ram it down your throat
My ears hurt
  It's a war!
With dead grass burning high
  and smoke in everyone's eyes
Makes us cry
Time to die
again

The stars are aligning 
  as DNA strands form
POP! goes the weasel
I'm alive
You died a milli-second later
I'll get over it
Digging broken glass into my chest
My mommy is mean
I'll shoot her in a few years
When I can walk...
Off with her head!
I'm dead

Oh no, not again
An ant in an ant farm
How productive am I!
Throw in some bread crumbs
A smashing suicide
Eat me my brothers	
  for I'm about to fly

Minty formaldehyde
I simply live to die
Cut me open
You'll never see my soul
Where is my love?
Hiding up above?
Delving in the snow?
Putting on another show
  for millions of losers who'll not soon know?

I'm lonely in this hell hole
There are never any stars at night
  to dream of & wish on
It's 115 degrees and I have no water
The air conditioner stopped working two nights ago
  when I dreamt of killing you

Hovercraft, UFO
Spinning all high
Laser light show on my face
It itches
I'll soar tonight

Space is so empty
I haven't found a star to rest on
  and my arms are tired of constantly flapping
Slap me in the face
I want to wake up

I have ten babies and three wives
My 13 inch dick will survive 
  the nuclear war
  in one way or another
Ship in a bottle
Sailing hidden seas
Unseen mastery of surfing and belly dancing

Nudity is mighty fine
Stripped of all your stupid morals 
  and your backwards thinking
Lefty or righty?
Innie or outtie?
You see nothing more than simple senses allow
My love just called
My heart must be followed

You're a masterpiece
  covered in blood and ashes
I feel faint in your presence
An icy touch
My temperature drops
  and I want to make love to you
Create invisible babies
Hollow out our bodies
  and fall like broken buildings
Concrete ruins
Broken mold
Destroyed perfection
We solidified our presence in the stars
Don't be so jumpy
  The street is hard
You're right, take my hand
Let's go
It'll all flow back, someday

Crucified, that's how I died
And milk was pouring from breast-shaped clouds
Raining over the land
People amazed
Mouths open like baby birds waiting for dinner

The phone rang amidst the crackling of a firestorm
Right outside my window
  It was too late
The flames pierced my chest
Divided my torso in two
The gasoline inside caused an eruption
No one survived

Winged, finally
Stuck in a cocoon
Suffocating
The sun is burning on the outside
Calling me
I failed to break free
I drowned in sweat and urine
It smelled

Love to be a star
Love to live with my heart
I'm easily misunderstood
All you were showing me
Tuned out
Turned away
Did it hurt you?
I'm sorry
I need not share anymore

Flailing
Through a black hole
Possibly back in your grave
Nothing's familiar
I'm lost and alone
I cry
Take a nap
I literally hit rock bottom in my dream

I awoke to a new dream
  Next to you
My child
  A tiny body
Brought into the world by me
An even bigger soul
That somehow I already know
Beautiful eyes
I'm gonna die of old age with you here
Sure enough, 99 years old

Melancholy chiming
A clock hand shaped man
  Praying upside down to the number six
Failed to wish for my hand
  and lost at the rat races
Nobody's home to stare at your ugly face anymore
Anyone for solitaire?

God complex inside us all
You're creeping around my blue lagoon
  where monsters & fairies lurk in shadows
  stealing each other's weapons
  in an attempt to take over
  what's left of the world

Behind you standing,
  I stalk my pray
Wild fangs dripping still from yesterday's kill
Bored nations crumble
You smile with surprise
I'll feast on you tonight
  but only with my eyes

Lava land locked in a cell with witches
Beastiality is the key when somebody rapes me
I'll snap their neck in the afterlife
Short-lived encore 
  thrown straight into hell again
  as I watch in my mirror pool singing

The lights are spinning around my misshapen head
  creating a complex web of neon
I grin with anticipation of my ascension
  to the top of a palm tree in the middle of a busy city
Waving to the businessmen as they whine

Mad monkeys march along the slippery sidewalk
In full armor, I lead
They follow
We're charging head first into an atomic blast
Nuclei splitting inside of us
It hurts
We pitter patter to the ground

Playing the field
I've fucked men, I've fucked women
  and with some I've even made love
  Probably even a sheep or two back in my hay days
Nothing wrong with exploring one's potential
Needles & pins
Meaningless jibberish from them

I laced my own drink with cyanide
Wasn't strong enough
I'll prevail
You'll see
Together we'll bleed
Crybabies with slit wrists
High school's drama club 
Flying pigs merging with the gray ghosts
My eyes are fading 
Hi Pluto!

It was sad to hear that you died
  but we all die
  Live with it
A tear in the middle of my forehead
  confused the sweat glands
  they shrivelled inside
  hiding from this emotional downpour
  that will feed the lonely ovaries
Creation
Semen fighting
I choke them
My tear was first in line
I swallowed a mouthful and choked
A volcano
Beautiful eruption
Horny eyes gazing

Depression
  no prozac left
Simply disintegration of my,
  my brain
Should I start to pray?...
   NO!

The only limit is thinking there is one
Shoot out!
Release!
Be bold & build!
I have a dream
  Mine & mine alone
Unique despite what they say & think

Crush me
Universe is calling
It can't stand what is going down anymore
Mesh with me and you'll see
  The center of it all

On a big boat in the milky sea
Sailing, 
  in search of a treasure known by many 
  touched by few
I put a patch over my third eye
I don't want anyone to be jealous
They kill my kind in this world
  or at least they try
But I'll be back!
We'll all be back
Never breaking the chain of creation
  but rather sprouting like little tiny branches
  some more flowery than others
  but still related
My branch is about to break off

If only I wasn't so pessimistic
  so frightened of reaching out
I could grab hold of you
  and take you on my fall
Foolish thought
You'll do it on your own
Clouds amass in my heart
Tiny drops of rain wash me clean

I'm free again
  to roam through a few more lives
What will I decide to do next?
Destiny's waiting on the other side
Gotta clear my mind
Meditate in a bubble bath
Climb to the top of the mountain
  and fake a slip
Tumbling slowly down

Total re-creation
All new and mushy
Dropped in a lake
My baptism time already?
What ever did I do to need this?
Fuck this!
So I swam deep,
  way deeper than they could ever swim
Eating fish eggs and breathing with little fishy bubbles
I fit right in
  but then the fishermen came and stole my life source
  making it their own
I completed a few more twirls
  then sank to the very bottom
  where an alligator came and wrapped 
  dead leaves & vines around me
A suitable end in a place I felt quite comfortable

A fuzzy bunny tries talking to a wolf
Not five seconds later,
  the rabbit goes poof!
That rabbit was me...
And that wolf was.....You!

Shit me out
I will fertilize again
A sunflower will rise at the most opportune time
Through the many seeds, 
  I will once again see
Feed off of me or create a magic potion with me
I want to crack open & explode

The mold has been broken for so many years
  So many lives ago 
  When I first felt Love
But the battle rages on either way
So I have to raise my head to unreachable heights
Expand my chest from ocean to moon
Turn on spin cycle
See it all, eat it all
Take it all inside me
To a place of unspeakable beauty
Did I just speak of it?  Oh well
It can't fail now
  but my body is getting fat from all this crap
  and I can barely stand up
Bulimia won't do any good now
I shouldn't have taken that one last step
  'cause now I'm in quicksand and everyone's inside me
No one can help me now
I guess I forgot to take in everything

I'm being rolled up in a joint
You nonchalantly puff me in & blow me out
I've always wanted to be smoke
Will you see the secret pattern I'm weaving for you?
It'll disappear shortly
Lost against the frosty glass of your broken mirror
I won't be back for another 7 years
Think of me
You may need me someday soon
Maybe we can skew the rules then
I wouldn't mind
But for now I've got to mow the lawn and water the garden
  and paint pretty pictures of mountains & puppy dogs
What kind of irony is this?

It's not as easy as many think
The rage inside from knowing
  but not being able to go anywhere
What is the universe attempting to tell us?
Because we're not all listening
Only a few really care enough to look around

Discarded dreams lost in a family tree
The magician on a pulpit
  sinking his teeth into the ears of zombies
Vampires everywhere
Haven't much blood left to give

It's a blue & green dungeon
Sunshine through white bars
There's a hole in the roof
Sometimes, very rarely
I'll see a star shining at night for just a second
I'm always looking
  hoping to reach up and lasso it with the shackles
Everytime I start to pray
  the guards outside throw sticks & stones
They bruise 
  but this body won't be me for long

Cross-stitching merriment
Gentle hands holding a wrinkled leaf
I found a speck of dirt and planted it in an apple
I saw the strangest reaction
  and forged my forgotten name on a marriage license
An unhappy old maid
  with two stitching needles stuck in her ears
Blue blood, red blood, 
  fuchsia, peach, and aqua blood
I've bled every color in the Crayola� box
  Even lightning yellow
Do I need to continue this torturous behavior?
I have yet to find my star

Eating out the bossman's wife
Sucking off my clientele
Popped a pimple on my forehead
  and a pitchfork shot out	
  stabbing you in the neck
Headless choreman
You have 30 seconds left to see
Look at me and see the sea
Forever's sequel

Getting off in paradise
Desert island
  inhabited by me and my minions
Growing banana trees but getting strawberries
Nothing here is what it seems
Just stuck for awhile in another strange dream
Waiting to wake up

Pleading insanity in a trippy case
I murdered someone with a bottle of shampoo 
  trying to get them clean
The raven tapped a hole in my head
  and let people pick pieces of my brain
You ate the most
I'm grateful

Sun rays wriggling like snakes over my pale body
I chop off the head of each one
  but only in fantasy
Mustn't lose my head

Drain the unicorn's blood and give it to the poor
Forget about myself for a few hours

Momentary lapse in the planetary alignment
Empty souls drop to Earth like flies
Splat!
Creation again
I'm walking around on Saturn's rings	
  speaking in tongue about the lives that i have known
The death card stares me in the eyes
  and the clock strikes 13 o'clock 

Once again,
  I've got a cock
It's really easy to get tired of this
So maybe I'll decide to just kick back and relax
Do as little as possible, 
  and keep to myself
Oh silly me
Where's the Love?

Is the conclusion separated into twelve equal parts?
Is all I'm doing here stemming from one heart?
I answered it all before in an explosive dream
When questions and answers meant much more
There isn't much left to question anymore

I'm a blind man with glasses
You're the captain of a raft
Simpletons play a tune
  we all hum in a complex pattern
The milky way tipped and flooded the land
Chutes & ladders on the way to Mars

Incense filled rooms
Chiming cuckoo clocks
We lay on a day bed and dream of the night
Folded inside a cottonball
Scorpions & snakes drive us around in buses & taxicabs
We live for this
To realize this

It's a golden day
  someone calling out your secret name
A crack in your soul 
The pathway to it all
When you choose to contort yourself to get inside
I can guarantee we'll be watching
  with eye wide open
  and a cocoon for you to lay in

Life is always over down here
You'll join me in "heaven" some day
I remember when my back erupted with feathers,
  my wings
I haven't reached heights like I did that day
And all the places I'd been cut, 
  scars formed gills and I truly swam
And the nails I'd been cutting life after life
  formed a congregation under the topsoil
When I was ready, they gave me the claws
  capable of true depth
Loving my Mother in new ways
So I waited for someone to do all these wonderful new things with
But it was I alone who experienced each feeling over and over again
Until one day I broke down and cried
Tired of flying alone
Swimming with seaweed
And digging for diamonds that no one else could see
I stopped crying when I found out I had me

The place was jumping with anticipation
My heart overtook when I saw you in the sky
Flying, maskless
  and so full of Love
The masquerade ball fell to the floor and shattered
I swallowed the glass
Bleeding light back into the sun
Wings stretching out
  Letting go of my gun
Shed my body like snake skin
Reborn in the eternal sky
No more eyes staring or to stare with
Starbaby, back in the womb
  Cradled amongst everything
So many dreams realized
We found a place to call home
Do whatever we want now,
  our light will always burn
Never 
  have I felt such synergy
Never
  have I felt this much Love...

 --Summer 2001