Who would have thought? Betrayal. Death. Imprisonment. This wasn�t the way we planned our future. We had such high hopes-of happiness and that we�d be friends forever. James and Lily started a family and Harry had three doting uncles. Funny that. Harry looks so much like James but odd flashes of how he behaves just scream of Lily.

I can�t remember how we found out. That Voldemort was after them. Those last six months were a time of fear and worry. James and Lily, dead? It couldn�t be true. How could they be found?

Realisation washed over me. They were betrayed. Sirius and James were like brothers. I couldn�t understand why he�d sell out on someone who was closer than his own family. I tried to stop Peter from finding him. Why should he have listened? I never was the one with the influence in our group. Always James or Sirius. I was the one who was too afraid to make waves-in case someone found out my secret.

For nearly 12 years I thought Peter was dead. Killed by someone I had regarded as a best friend. And for a short while a lover. During these years, I pushed him to the back of my mind. Had I judged his character so terribly wrong?

A time of mixed feelings ensued after he escaped from Azkaban. Guilt for not telling Dumbledore about Sirius�s Animagus form. What if he hurt someone? It would be my fault. Did I feel some misplaced loyalty towards someone who was so close for so long? Finally a sense of elation and hope as the truth was uncovered.

We could try to recover the lost years-first via owl, then when he stayed with me. Yet only a year after resuming our affair, it was cut short by his senseless death. He was too energetic to be able to stay cooped up-no matter what Dumbledore thought. He could not turn his back when his godson was in danger.

Am I selfish in wanting him back? Which Sirus did I want-the young devil may care prankster of our Hogwarts days or the angry man child that lived in a house that he hated?

Let him go. Keep my memories safe and try and reconstruct my life again. I did it once, I can do it again. I will still be me - but keeping the spirits of those Hogwarts boys alive in my heart. Those boys are long dead but will never be forgotten.