editor's note: the preceeding article contains scenes not suitable of
the reading public. ma*damn tusha is currently undergoing psychiatric sessions
at the 8$#!2& for her schizophrenic-psychosomatic-metaphysics-codiemanticz
disorder. any one who catches her lurking around is advised to report to the
Fbeeeye or text:
StarTrek Tusha
to 1-800-Apung Adjang or 1-800-SanJap. A reward for the capture of ma'damn
tusha is waiting for you!
ma*damn tusha is a fictional character of ***** (not me).
"hi! i'm ma*damn tusha! i'm the writer of the 'horrorscope' in the official student publication of SLRCSS (high school department). since many people are looking for me (see editor's note), i have to travel around the earth, by foot, boat, helicopter, airplane, jetplane, ship and wings. i can divine the future, stop the present and change the past! i always bring my handy crystal ball wherever i go since i need this to make my horrorscope. business is as usual. you can use the 'react now!' link at the bottom to post anything, love life, money, career, you name it! and i'll reply as soon as i can. i will give you my advice and everything!"
"by the way, if you want to add me at friendster, my email add is [email protected] . thank you!"
horrorscope for the month of november
aries (march21-april19). go to a psychologist and ask him if you have a mental problem. if the answer is 'yes,' look for your dearest friends because they might die like 'Basilio.' then, go to the mental hospital and look for some medicine for your mental problem even though there is no cure.
taurus (may20-may20). try controlling your temper. your face turns so red when you are angry and that is not your favorite color. try to avoid your friends because you might hurt them because they like the color red.
gemini (may21-june20). start collecting precious gems and give them to poor people. once you have done this, i'm pretty sure you will lose a lot of money! isn't it obvious?! but save a diamond for yourself (but it'll turn out a 'puwet ng baso').
cancer (june21-july22). be aware of what you eat. observe your diet. eat a lot of chocolates for you to survive your obsession for crabs. it is not in season at the moment. if there is, still, try avoid eating crabs because you might get pincers for there is a red tide at the moment.
leo (july23-august22). as a lion, you can really run fast. you can do almost everything because you can run fast. there is only one problem. the HEELS of your shoes! one more thing, take time to relax, clean and pedicure your feet! why? your toenail looks like crushed garlic!
virgo (august23-september22). call a radio station and tell the whole world that you need a text mate and you are really beautiful. This month, the moon is in the position where people believe unbelievable stories. you will get text mates as many as you want in no time! the only problem is that you don't have enough load.
libra (september23-october22). you will loose one a day from the day you read this. keep them and bury them in your backyard. after a year you can harvest your own pustiso. but the pustisos will only last a month, you shold bury them again and wait for a year to have a new pustiso.
scorpio (october23-november21). buy a new scorpion and laeve it on your door and leave. a thief will come to your house and the scorpion will be the one to save your belongings. because the scorpion did you a favor, sign a contract saying that you give all your belongings to the scorpion, at least the thief did not succeded.
sagittarius (november22-december21). borrow an electric guitar from a friend, learn how to hold it tightly. because on that day a rat will pass 90 degrees below you, so you need to protect yourself and slam the rat using it. your mother will be proud of you because you killed the pest which bothers her. but you need to sacrifice your allowance for five months to replace the guitar.
capricorn (december22-january19). if you found a beggar with a single strand of hair on his head, bring him to your house. your parents will be happy to see him. then your parents will ask you to leave your house and confront you that you are only an adopted child and now that they saw their real child they don't need you anymore. they will give you a clue about your real mother. that she have a scar on her tongue. you will see her after three years. she is a beggar, and you need to live with her.
aquarius (january20-february18). if you are planning to go to the beach, don't do it now because a tsunami will hit the beach once you had arrived and piranhas will attack. you will turn into a half fish, half human. but the fish part is the upper part of your body. and you will be caught by a fisherman because you are at the seashore at that time, unable to move.
pisces (february19-march20). if you are a pisces and does not know how to swim, my only advice to you is start swimming in a 2-feet swimming pool. why? try swimming in a 10-feet swimming pool and you will know what will happen. the problem is, the swimming pool with 2-feet high does not have water on it so you don't have no choice but to use the 10-feet high swimming pool.
"so that's it! i hope you enjoy reading my horrorscope and you'll do everything in your horrorscope. if you have any comments suggestion or question just click the link the "react now" link at the top of this page... thank you!"