The State of Drunk Paintball Address - 2002 Season In SummaryAll in all, I have to say the state of drunk paintball is good. Our numbers are growing (article1), and we have gained some acceptance and validity where we had none before. There is, of course, room for improvement, both with enlightening the ass grabbers, our attitudes, and also our game. I will try to address as much as has happened this season in this article, its a good thing it only has to be done once a year. The biggest obstacle to date has been "concerned individuals", "grabasses", who fear for our safety and have a strong yearnng to flap lip (Article2). We have been threatened, told we should be thrown in jail, told we are going to ruin the sport, kicked off forums,.....if its malicious its been said or done to us. Here is a great quote and example of the preportion our drunk paintballing gets blown into: "Ya, it's sort of like going hunting drunk, as long as you are not on public property and in public in general, who cares who in your hunting party you shoot. Couldn't agree with you more". Another example: "Playing paintball drunk while following the safety rules is like saying it's okay to drive drunk as long as you're following the rules of the road. The immaturity level that's entangled with some of your guys' logic astounds me". Is it useless to argue anymore? I wonder how much of a grip these people have on the world. Perhaps it is flack from incidants like whats going on now in Baltimore, which was caused by criminal acts, not by having a six pack while playing paintball with your buddys. As for safety, does it make a difference if you are drunk or sober when a snapshot paintball hits you in a random place? I dont think so. This is the one of the safest sports in the world. Actually one of the safest of the "non contact" sports, "darts" is more dangerous for fucks sakes. Im tired of trying to talk actual sense into these grabasses and would feel great if we never have any support from people like this. In fact, everytime I see someone snub us like we have been this year, I know I personally have someone I dont want in my life removed from it. Snobishness to drunk paintball has been a great social purifier. Although I am not a fan of Anton LeVey's theosophy at all, I have to agree with his principles on the topics of ignorance and disrespect in general, it mirrors my thoughts exactly, in every aspect. Aside from this I am most respectful to the entire team for staying true to the drunk paintball idea, and also for treating any of the paintball related assholes we've met this year with respect, instead of throwing down fists, wait till we get them on our fields. All is good. As for our game, we need more regular, dedicated players amongst us. Airlock, Pumpedalot, Manmeat, and myself have been the biggest contributing factors this season. I salute you in your efforts, but more is needed and expected next year, fuckers. No more excuses about bullshit hangovers or girlfriends, or else we go out back for "five minutes alone", in the words of the immortal Rufus Hannah, "if you dont come to bum fight than...., fuck off than!"(Article3a) Our gameplay needs resolution as well (Article3b). Our unique style of play needs some defining and structure, if we are going to convert the masses away from "the almighty second coming of the holy demonic grabass", speedball. Our style is much more intense than speedball, much faster, but also much less regulated and understood. Efforts should be made during what times left in this season to address the flaws in our unique style play. Also we have the benefit of hosting very unique scenario's (Article3c). With three adjoining beaches at our disposal we have unlimited potential in this aspect of play, which has yet to be fully realised this season. These beach games really scream for a nightball situation. More thought has to be given on this. The manditory speedball field is still a must at this point, hopefully by next season we will have the capacity to host 3 identical, tournament quality speedball fields. These fields must be able to be set up and torn down easily. The main field we all drive behind offers us enough room to realise this easy goal. We will be able to host the largest tournaments with ease. Some effort must be put into some drunken form of referee training for the entire NRDPC team, as more than likely we will be both playing, and calling these tournys we all plan on hosting. All and all our future expansion is within our grasp, we have the capacity to expand to any gamestyle we choose. I recommend we retain the same open mindset to any style of paintball we have displayed so far, we have none of the hangups other teams do, and eventually we will rock all styles. Speedball may suck ass, but is a necessary evil within the region. The assignment of roles for the next season will be based on your performance this season, stylistic tendencies we have, and how we personally see ourselves being the greatest contribution to the game style at hand (Article3d). There is need for much more discussion, off the field, involving this subject. As for our field services, next season, with group effort, we should have our own CO2 and paintball supply (Article4a). This issue has been a pain in the ass all year, for all of us. All efforts will be made to rectify this by next season. The only other crapper has been lack of 12gr's for pump play, buy more if your going to be using, or letting people use pumps. Sir Cementhed Bellycrawler and "partner" lead by example here: they showed up with ten 12gr's, leaving 6 behind for the next newbie on pump. They also brought about 800 extra rounds of paint this day, which led to alot more gameplay then we would have had if they hadnt. This is the true spirit of drunk paintball, and the strict definition of "team play". If we all start being tight assed, good things like playing an extra hour would never happen. Next season there will be suppositorys given out to those so deserving, at very inappropriate times. Every other aspect is taken care of, we even have extra guns and masks available now. People are invited to spend the night if they are playing drunk paintball with us, bring a tent, beer, food, and extra ammo. In fact, much more emphasis should be put on the "drunk" aspect of our clubs paintball time (Article4b), requiring more overnight stays. Washrooms and cooking have never been a problem. Respect the area and the people around it, or get your ass kicked up the road. Nobody has seen me throw down fists yet, hopefully never will, but I didnt spend all those years getting Glenny and Lou to kick my ass for nothing, and chances are that if I feel I have to kick your ass when down there, I am probably pissed off beyond belief and your fleeing would be best for both of us. Anyone who brings anyone to the field in New River had best clear it with me personally beforehand (Artlicle4c). Just protecting my own ass and the best interest of those who depend on these fields to practice. Lastly, some have said we should really be the "hungover" paintball club, it may be funny to joke about, but we simply cant have this. Not even jokingly. We came from being a few frikkin drunks enjoying the scenic glory of New River , sick of professional paintball as it stands, to being drunks in New River, who happen to play professional paintball again, in our own style, which has diluted the hatred of our sordid paintball pasts. Everything else came after this. Dont ever forget this, shitheads. Its one of those frikkin "maritime traditions" Moosehead will put in a beer box someday. Also, we ask for more sacrifices and idol carvings from our various international fan clubs in the future, the entire team feels as if this side of the bargain has been too laxed for too long. We especially appreciate bronzed idols, resume molting and casting with demonic fervor. As for safety and injurys, this season we have been exemplary. Despite allegations of being "the raving luantic fringe, firing shotguns at each other" and "driving drunk while having seatbelts on", the only injuries this year have been a shot to the testicles and a cut on the face. Very good by any standards, especially those expected of a drunk team. There have been absolutely no accidental shootings on or off the field. We have set the best example of safe gameplay any team could, and you can grab my ass to prove it. I get a big kick out of seeing people who wont play us because of the drunk aspect of our club, badmouthing our drunk shit and saying we are a laibility if we drink on your fields.....meanwhile these guys are walking around with limps from paintball related injuries. The use of barrel plugs (Article5a) should be enforced a bit more perhaps, this will more than likely prevent the accidental shot when it does happen. Sir Cementhed Bellycrawler would be a definate safety bonus to our team, being a far better source of emergency care than anyone we have on the team thus far. As for other alcohol related stupidity, there has been none. There has not been a single incident of drunk driving to date either (Article5b). I never drive drunk. Sir Pumpaction Airlock has no drivers liscense. Sir Goldilocks Pumpedalot rarely got drunk, never left drunk. Sir Blurtorch Manmeat has his wife to drive him home, I love watching this guy play paintball with a triple rye and Coke in one hand, and a pump action BE in the other, truely classy. Sir Wagonburner DomDiego has no drivers liscense, or so he claims. Thank god most of the girlfriends involved stayed sober during the days of the drives home. Some would say that being a drunk paintball team is irresponsible, on the contrary, we have to be far more responsible than sober teams. This is how drunk paintball has to be, and will be for any involved with the NRDPC. On the promotional side of drunk sporting side, our website was just picked up by Google, Yahoo, Alta Vista, and several other massive search engines. Rather than word of mouth publicity and pumping the forums, those interested in drunk paintball can easily find us. We have been in contact with other like minded drunk paintball teams from around Canada and the U.S. this year, as well as abroad. An international community in our chosen sport is in the making, we ourselves one of its models. We have been accepted by most of the local paintball media and interest in the NRDPC continues to grow. Hopefully we will be part of a much bigger scene than we first imagined in years to come. We have offered the grabass enough cud to chew on for now with the articles I have written and the forum confrontation/education program, its more than they deserve. Fact is no grabber can deny our records, which defeat any arguement against our validity as a feasable paintball entity. That drunken tinge is clearly a reality in many sports, whether that sport ever faces up to it or not. Embrace it yaa frikkin lardasses. I really believed that there would already be a few drunk paintball leagues/teams in existance, now I truly believe we are the first to be so openly public about the merits of combining these two great activities. Plug the words "drunk paintball" into Google and we are the only team you will find. Between our organization and the "4 Neat Guys" team, we have now established an impressive, Canada wide example of what a drunk paintball team should be. The necessary mechanisms are in place for placement of single players in drunk teams according to region. We need only representation in Ontario and Quebec, according to our team and game style model, to make a permanent splat on the face organised paintball within this country itself, and solidify our mission statement, which has always been to make drunk paintball a viable and distinct sporting alternative. So far we have done more for the promotion of drunk paintball as a sport than anyone or anything else in the history of drinking or paintball has done before us. The NRDPC should be proud of this, we are not only a paintball team but virtual pioneers of drunk sporting in general, in a time when the popularity of political correctness can make any lip-flapping grabass sound like he's the pope. Finally, Sir Goldilocks Pumpedalot has pumped out a barrel. Hopefully before long our team will be using completely custom made barrels, of a quality that surpasses anything commercially available. We all know what we want is NOT commercially available, not quite exactly the way we want it anyways. This was the first time I've seen a barrel of this type. I suggested SGP thinks of patenting. I also recommend these prototypes only be made for our team. Fuck them all, "never forget the grabasses, lest ye grabass against thee".....(something I heard at a wedding, or funeral, or something like that). We now have several members in the process of customizing thier guns to thier game, thus assignment of roles is emphasized. It sounds to me like everyone is making up thier minds regarding team jerseys, you guys figure that out, im good for whatever. The aforementioned critical articles that need to be addressed by the team are:Article1 - Our growing membership, how many is enough and when do we stop member expansion and start helping others build drunk teams?Article2 - Dealing with grabasses, or better yet, how to not deal with them at all. Article3a - Rufus Hannah says it best. Dedication above anything else, within reason of course, which being hungover isnt. Article3b - Defining our "drunk style no rules" game. Article3c - Further developement of scenario play and rules. Article3d - Defining of roles within the team, for tournament play in several games. Article4a - Acquiring a readily available gas and ball supply. Article4b - More emphasis on being drunk. Article4c - Clear with me anyone you (the NRDPC team) are inviting to our New River field, remember this is supposed to be my familys summer house property, they havent complained yet, lets keep it that way. Article5a - Barrel plug use should be further enforced. Article5b - Drunk driving will not be done. Plan ahead if you are drinking or be tied to a tree for the evening. To finally wrap this up, the season was a complete success, far more succesful than I had envisioned previously. We will keep our teams secret agenda, and our true paintball related indentities within the team for now, not for public consumption till the time is right. I would never have imagined at the begining of this season that I would be writing an article necessary of this depth and scope this soon, especially not for our little, unheard of drunk paintball team. If anyone has anything to add that I missed, bring it up at practice or email me. We are headed in the right direction for certain. The future for drunk paintball is wide open. See you all this winter for "Drunk Snow Suicide Club" adventures. Namaste. Sir Paladin Pball, Oct. 10, 2002 NRDPC! |
