| Due to some email I recieved, a few "odd" invitations to games, and a few lost grabasses flapping lip, I feel it is time we reasonably addressed "drunk paintball" in general, and what to expect when playing our team. First things first, lets address the "non-issue" of safety. We should start by looking at paintball in general. No one should play drunk or sober without proper safety gear, that is just stupid. Other than these retarded idiots, paintball is one of the safest sports you can play, this is a prooven fact. I do not feel drinking affects the safety of paintball, or causes more injuries at all. Later in this article I will give statistical proof as well as alot of "drunk logic" to back my last statement up. Now lets look at the nature of alcohol as it affects the human nervous system. Basically any drunk can tell you that there are several distinct levels of drunkness. They are as follows: - The first level is usually between 5 and 8 beer. This is what is known in the drunk paintball world as the "OBZ" - the "optimized buzz zone". At this point the player actually feels enhanced by the alcohol, hightened awareness, more energy, more agile, etc. - The next level is somewhere between 8 and 12 beer, in which the player begins to feel slightly heavy, a tad bogged down and constantly has to stop to urinate. For lack of a better term I will regard this as "the pissy stage". This is where paintball skills play a major role. Natural ability to suffer ones bladder pains and maintain patience and awareness gets tested and honed during this stage. One learns how to keep ones cool shall we say. This is the preferred stage to be in for drunk paintball practice, but not for tournaments. - The next level after between 12- 16+ beer is much shadier. You are now considered drunk by any standards. Vision starts to get distorted, balance becomes inferior, physically you feel drained and mentally you are only willing to drool and drink more, perhaps a song? You will eventually notice that your playing paintball, or maybe not. Either way, essentially the games are over and your just a drunk with a paintball gun at this point. Of course these guidelines only pertain to the average twenty dollar 16 pack of beer and the Canadian common beer alcohol content of 5%, the number of beer is much higher when in the U.S., the last "drunk" state may be unreachable. This is why I always say that only Canadians can play truely drunk paintball in North America, unless Americans start drinking more imported beer. The amount of time spent drinking is a big bactor too, im using a 4 beer per hour while playing average, which seems to be the standard to be measured against in my experience. Thus the focus point of the drunk paintballer is between 4 and 12 beer. 1 and 3 hours, plenty of time to warm up, and play a serious assed long paintball game before your drunk. I will say that you spend a good 2 hours of this time in the "OBZ", the last of the 3 hours is most likely the pissy stage. Onto injuries, everybody knows that when a drunk falls down generally he comes out better than a sober person would have in the same situation. Drunks dont stiffen up, they roll with it, thus getting hurt less. Safe courses = safe drunks. This fact combined with the fact that under the "drunk" state paintball becomes unplayable anyways should close this issue. There wont be, and never is any more, or less, injury. It would be impossible to find proof to back this claim up, I know, but just think about it logically. It makes since, and im only "OBZ" right now. Ok, given this information, now I can explain why I call all you concerned individuals by the name you really should have, a grabass. Why dont you get concerned about Grandad Fisherman out fishing bass and having a beer, statistics say he's in much more danger. Want to email us and ask us why we play drunk? Why dont you spend you energy trying to get demon alcohol serving lounges out of golf clubs, drunken golfers are just irresponsible! They are in much more risk, statistically. Oh my god, your not thinking of having a beer while out with the guys bowling are you? The truth is you should be more concerned about all this shit. Heres some proof grabass: Paintball Safety Stats. Do we push the averages up by playing drunk? I hope so, but really doubt it considering we play within the generally given guidelines. I feel we should at least be considered more dangerous than hockey. There are many more sites like ths out there, all have similar findings. In conclusion. What can you expect from us when you play against us? All you can handle, you wont be playing a bunch of falling down drunks, eventually you might, but we will have whipped you pickled by that point. Still all concerned and emotional about drunk paintball? Your a grabass. - SPP Send comments to us: [email protected] |
