Chatups.page

This is your lucky day, because I just happen to be single.
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put you between f and ck.
Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be
. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the girl of my dreams!
Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
Fuck me if I am wrong, but your name is Gertrude right?
Fuck me if I am wrong, but you look like you want to kiss me.
You make my software turn to hardware!
Are those fuck me eyes, or fuck you eyes?
That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.
Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.
I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to "tinker" around with.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb - diggity.
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?
Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself
. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.
He: Have you ever had one of those fantasies where Greek gods feed you these little pickles? She: No. He: Well, I'll have to show you what one is like, but it will be only one Greek god (point to yourself, then look down at your crotch) and I won't be feeding you little pickles.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
. If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
. Guy: "Would you like to dance?" Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you." Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants"
Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost mine.
I look good on you.
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house..
If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, could I visit you between the Holidays?
You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what's one more going to hurt?
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?
He: I'm a really good cook! She: What do you cook best? He: Breakfast in bed! (grins)
. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
. Excuse me, do you wanna fuck, or should I apologize.
Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Do you want to dance, No? Well I guess a fuck is out of the question.
Hi, I'm a necrophilia, how good are you at playing dead?
He: Would you sleep with me for 20 million dollars? She (sheepishly): Yes. He: Well then, would you sleep with me for 20 cents? She: No, what kind of woman do you think I am? He: We've established what kind of woman that you are, we're just haggling over the price.
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me, knead till hard, and serve hot
. Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.
You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.
Hey baby, I'm like American Express, you don't want to leave home without me.
Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
The word for the night is legs, let's go back to my room and spread the word.
Hi, my name is Pogo, want to jump on my stick?
Hi my name is _______, remember it, cause you'll be screaming it all night long.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
Want to play conductor?? You be the engineer and I'll go Choochoo.
You must be Jelly, cause jam don't shake like that.
The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue.
I lost my bed, can I borrow yours?
Guy: "haven't I seen you someplace before?" Girl: "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore"
My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going....
Hi, do you know why you should masturbate with *these* two fingers? (holding up any two) Obvious reply: No, why? Because they're mine.
What do you like for breakfast?
Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
Nice dress/pants, can I talk you out of it/them?
What's your sign?
The best part of me is covered up. (If wearing swim trunks, a bikini, or a skimpy outfit)
Is your daddy a thief? No. Then who stole those diamonds and put them in your eyes?
Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
Guy goes up to a girl, licks his finger, touches her on the shoulder, and then touches himself (all this while she is watching him) and says: How about you and I get out of these wet clothes?
Mmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible".
Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met.
She: I really enjoyed myself tonight. He: I enjoyed myself too. Maybe sometime we can let our bodies enjoy each other.
Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?
That dress would look awfully nice on my bedroom floor.
That miniskirt would look great crumpled up at the end of my bed.
That's a cute outfit. It would be even cuter wrinkled on my bedroom floor.
I think that shirt would look great on the carpet beside my bed.
Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Drop 'em.
Say, didn't we go to different schools together?
Wanna fuck like bunnies?
Help, I'm lost. Which way is it to your house?
Hi, I'm new in town. Which way is it to your house?
Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Hi, my name's Ron, how do you like me so far?
At the photocopying machine: "Reproducing, eh? Can I help?"
She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time? He: Do you have the energy?
What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?
Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?!?!!
Say mother! Want another? (if she has children)
Bond. James Bond.
Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.
Take a chance on me.
Your place or mine?
Your face or mine?
Was you dad a farmer? Cause you sure have great melons.
Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
Gosh, you're pretty/handsome!!!
Do you want to come back to my place and pet my dog/cat?
You should be someone's wife.
You have the ass of a great artist.
To a stranger: "you ready to go home now?"
If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold _IT_ against me?
When asked for a match: How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade.
Wanna play carnival? That's where you sit on my face and I try to guess your weight.
I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
I would kill or die to make love to you.
Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
Hi! Can I buy you a car?
NOW, BITCH!
Oh, I'm doing fine! And you?
(While looking at someone and waiting for them to say anything) Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later tonight?
Hi, I just moved to this city and was wondering if you could recommend a good restaurant here. Would you also like to join me?
Fancy a fuck?
I would die happy if I saw you naked just once.
Be unique and different, say yes.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
It's always good for you to see me again.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.
I looked up the word "beautiful" in the thesaurus today, and your name was included.
Didn't I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?
I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
"I'd like to get something straight between us." and then look at your (you know)......
Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.
Wanna Dance? No! Wanna Drink? No! Wanna Fuck? Yes (pause) but not with you
So, do you wanna see something really swell?
That girl/guy I'm with, oh, she's/he's just my sister/brother
. I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?
Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.
Do you take it up the bum? (Beware not only does this not work, it can be VERY painful!)
Is that a double ended dildo or are you just glad to see me?
Is that a tictac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me.
He: Have you got a little Irish/German/Spanish/Italian/etc in you? She: Uh...no.... He: Well, do you want some?
What would you do if I kissed you right now?
Can I please be your slave tonight?
Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
You know, you're very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my erection.
Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?
What can I do to make you sleep with me?
What can I do to make you mine?
Pardon me miss, but I couldn't help noticing that you have cum in your hair.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Would you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again?
When's our wedding date?
Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
If I was Elvis, would you screw me?
Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Congressional Medal of Honor?
Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize?
Miss, if you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
If you spot a girl waiting in a restaurant/theater/club for someone, go up to her and say... If he doesn't show up, I'll be right over here.
I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your willy and say: Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize?
I require a tissue sample. May I sever a little used portion of your body? (brandish forceps)
Hey baby...infect me!
Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a bumper?!?
Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a trailer hitch?
Hey baby...can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?
Hey baby...can you suck start a Harley?
I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I'm finished.
Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way. When she arrives say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough, you would come."
or "Do you always come when someone fingers you?"
Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.
I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting...
Let's meet sometime...
God must have been in a very good mood the day we met.
I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
Would you like someone to mix with your drink?
If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want.
No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
Will you marry me and have my children?
You're hitchhiking across the Mojave Desert? Alone?
Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.
I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub. Are the straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic.
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.
Would you like to be in movies?
Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say, "I'm not really this tall....I'm sitting on my wallet."
Excuse me, do you live around here often?
Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?
Would you like to see a baby picture of me? (Shows the girl the picture of a baby better endowed that most men.)
Hello, love, do you spit or swallow?
You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book ... So what's one more??
(motion for girl to come here with on finger), "If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!"
I wanna use your thighs as earmuffs
Hey babe, did you know I'm on the Harvard Mailing List?
What's your sign?
And a subtle approach: Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP. (If she laughs, she's yours; if she looks at you funny, apologize.)
Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?
Whatever you do, don't ever cut that silky hair of yours!
She: What do you think of this (dress, sweater, article of clothing)? He: I like nothing better.
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
I want to bear all your children. (to a woman)
Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
That's a nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?
Take off that dress and fuck my brains out, you cave newt.
Did you know that the word 'motel' spelled backwards means 'letom'?
Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
Let's take a shower together, you smell.
You smell wet. Let's party.
May I end this sentence with a proposition?
I've got an itch, honey. Lower. Lower. In. Out.
I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles bitch!
If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.
Want to come see my hard drive? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.
Don't you know me from somewhere?
Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew..
At the dinner table, (if you eat together) pick up the bread and say, "Wanna roll?"
Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?
Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!
I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I've got more of something else.
Ever tried those weird prickly condoms? (sure to get responses)
Funny you should mention that, I was a gynecologist once.
Cold outside, isn't it? (staring at breasts)
Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'
I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data. What are your measurements?
Hey you want to know what I heard about you? Fuck me and I'll tell you.
I have some hard code I want to try your compiler on.
Stare at a guy/girl for a long time, and when he/she notices for the second or third time, go up to him/her and say... I'm sorry for staring at you, but you look very much like someone I used to date.
Hey, somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
Excuse me but is your last name "Gillette"......cause you are the best a >man can get!
I have only three months to live
I'm filthy rich and have only six weeks to live. Will you help me make these next few weeks the happiest days of my life?
Love is like a rug. So you can walk all over me and lie on me.
Chicks dig me. I wear colored underwear.
Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus?
I'm a copilot for American Airlines.
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
Excuse me, do you have change for a $100 bill?
Excuse me, but weren't you Shirley MacLaine in a past life?
Excuse me, but weren't we blissfully married in a past life?
Lines by women:
Please may I rest my head on your shoulder?
Do you know how to use this? (holding up a vibrator)
How about a night of passion in Doncaster?
He: What was that? She: What was what? He: That sound. She: I didn't hear anything. He: It was the sound of my heart breaking.
You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.
Weren't you a woman the last time we met?
Do you have room in your life for a new friend?
Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
The only reason that I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
Hey baby, I want to lick your thighs.
Gorgeous hair. But it'd be even better brushing against my thighs.
Approach a girl and say, "Do you like jewels." Then lob your dick out and say, "Suck this, it's a gem!
Or do you like chicken? Suck this, it's pretty foul!
Or do you like pork? Suck this, it's dripping!"
That's a nice smile you've got, shame that's not all you're wearing.
What nice legs you've got. I wouldn't mind wearing them as a belt, or neck tie if you prefer.
Just where do those legs of yours end?
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let's get the hell out of here.
Female to guy: Hi, you look like a real wanker. (pause for effect) The guy usually spend so much time trying to convince you that they're not a "wanker" (that ego thingy) that in the end, they are trying to pick *you* up!
Hi, I work as a raw meat inspector. Let's go to your place for an inspection.
Want a break tonight?
You're the spitting image of my dead girlfriend.
Pardon me, but what pickup line works best with you?
You look just like my mother.
My leech would like you as a new host.
I think my medication is wearing off.
You MUST have a nice personality.
Does my breath smell okay?
Pull my finger.
He: You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? He: Twice.
You are so beautiful, that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken glass, just to jerk off in your shadow.
You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken beer bottles just to sniff the tire tracks of the laundry truck that takes your panties to the cleaners.
I'd drag my balls through a mile of broken glass, followed by a mile of hot coals, just to chase a laundry truck that MIGHT have your dirty underwear on board.
Here's your chance to get to know me.
I love every bone in your body. Especially mine!
or I love every muscle in your body. Especially mine!
There is much more here than what meets the eye.
Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
You are the reason men fall in love.
0I bet I could guess your weight if you sat on my face.
Are you free tonight or will it cost me?
Nothing like a man who knows how to whisper sweet "nothings".
How much do you weigh, Debbie? C'mere, pull up a seat!
Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?
Hey, come here often? You could, with me.
You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women (or men) look really bad.
I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
If you happen to meet a girl while she is shopping for a new outfit: Do you know what would look absolutely terrific on you? Me.
How about a pizza and a fuck? Hey!!! Don't you like pizza?
Want to go get a pizza and then screw?
He: Hey! How about we go to my house, have some pizza, beer, and a fuck? She: (grimaces) He: What's the matter? Don't like pizza?
So, howzabout the two of us going back to my place and you run your fingers through the hair on my back?
He: Hi, what's the color of your hair? She: (tells him) He: And the hair on your head?
Gee...you sure don't perspire much!
I'm sensing the intense feeling you have for me...is it my cologne?
Or I'm sensing the intense feeling you have for me...is it my deodorant?
Screw me if I am wrong, but you want to fuck me, don't you?
You're the one I've been saving this drink/seat/ticket to Hawaii/whatever for.
Is your dad a baker? No. If not, where did you get those buns?
Boy, it sure is hot and stuffy in here. Would you like to take a cold shower?
Are you incredibly beautiful, or is it just my chemotherapy?
Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!
Oh excuse me! I thought you were a moose.
Ya know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.
Do you always eat like that?
Your body is like a haiku in motion.
You know, I'm not just an interesting person, I have a nice body, too.
What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??
Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
Did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven?
What screws like a tiger and winks? (follow it up with a wink)
What is a classy place like this doing around a girl like you?
Perhaps you recognize me from one of the popular adult movies I was in.
I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
He: 'Ello Darlin', fancy a fuck? She: No! He: Do you mind lying down while I do?
I would say that I'm in love with you, but you'd think I'm trying to pull a fast one.
Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
May I have the distinguished honor and privilege of sitting next to you?
I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.v He: You're gorgeous. I'd really love to invite you out sometime. She: No, thanks. He: Aw, c'mon! Lower you're standards a little. *I* did...
He: I guess a blow job is out of the question, then?
Wait until it gets near last call in a bar. Find the drunkest looking woman in the place, walk up to her, and say, "Okay, let's go home..."
Always take a screw with you and put it in your pocket. Then, when a girl comes up to you, offer her the screw and say, "Wanna screw?"
Guy walks up to a girl in bar, slides his arm around her. She looks at him as he says, "Hi Kate." She says, "I'm not Kate." His hand slips lower as he says, "But you sure feel like her."
As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
Look at the tag on the back of a girl's shirt. When she turns around, say, "Just checking to see if you were made in heaven."
Hey baby are you wearing your space underwear tonight? Because your ass is out of this world!
Excuse me, do you have a quarter I can borrow? What for? I told my mother that I would call her when I fell in love with the girl of my dreams!
or I want to call your mother and thank her for having such a gorgeous child!
You can feel the magic between us......No,lower!
Hi, I need your help! My mom says that if I don't get a date by tomorrow, she's putting me up for adoption.
You know, my mother says you have the smoothest complexion of anyone she knows.
Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?
Grab them in the rump and ask, "Pardon me, is this seat taken?"
Hi. Do you come here often? (Say it to a waitress that you find attractive.)
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? No, why? Because I can sure see myself in your pants!
He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilized, fuck off!
Was your father a welder? No, why? Because those sure are acetylene tits!
Which is easier? Getting into those tight pants or getting out of them?
Man: "Do your feet hurt?" Woman: "No, why". Man: "because you are obviously an angel who has just decended onto this earth and you are used to flying, and not walking"
I think you would look especially beautiful with your eyes closed (dramatic pause) in my bed.
You have such beautiful long blonde hair, it would look lovely spread across my pillow.
I've been noticing you not noticing me.
Are you cold? You should be; you've been naked in my mind all night.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Can I flirt with you?
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
Excuse me, can you give me directions? To where? To your heart.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
So... How am I doin'?
(Tap your thigh) You just think this is my leg.
Hi, I'm a tawdry slut looking for a good time.
Can you believe it? It's been more than fifteen minutes since I've had sex.
Erections like these don't grow on trees you know.
You know, doggystyle isn't passe anymore.
You know, I'd fuck you so hard you'd learn from it.
Hypothetically speaking, if I were to fuck you, would you let me?
Say, I hear chicks dig lava lamps...
Excuse me, mind if I stare at you for a minute? I want to remember your face for my dreams.
Guy: What's your name? Girl: Danielle Guy: Oh... I thought it was Aphrodite.
I'm a starving artist and I want to eat you.
A: You are a real social butterfly. B: Huh. More like, a caterpillar. A: Well, wanna get to the fertility stage?
You are the proof that God has a sense of humor.
My name is Jeffrey Dahmer and you would make a fine dessert
A man walks up and says, "Haven't we met before?" Say, "Yes, I'm , the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."
I'll have to think about that, thinking makes me tired, when I'm tired I want to sleep, not make love, so let's not, okay?
He: So, wanna go back to my place? She: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?
He: I'd really like to get into your pants. She: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.
Him: Would you like to dance? Her: No thanks. Him: Don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you.
He: I'd like to call you. What's your number? She: It's in the phone book. He: But I don't know your name. She: That's in the phone book too.
There's always Harlan Ellison's great failure: Q: Wha'dya say to a little fuck? A: Go away, little fuck.
He: So what do you do for a living? She: Female impersonator.
He: You know, I'd really love to travel to exotic places with you. She: (tries to ignore him) He: You know what? I also love sex. What do you say to that? She: Hmmm...you really love sex and travel? He: (nods his head smiling) She: Then go take a fuckin' hike!!!
Voulezvous vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?) Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter. (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
Q: What sign were you born under? A: No Parking.
Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
A guy comes up to a girl and tells her some pickup line. She grabs his crotch, looks down at it, looks back at him, and says, "Sorry, I don't see any potential here" and nonchalantly walks off.
After hearing a pickup line: I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
Man: Come sit on my face! Woman: Why? Is your nose longer than your dick? Man: No, your cunt smells better than your breath!

Welcome to my Chat up lines page:

Ok so this is my chat ups page. There is some really funny one's hidden in there. I swear! If anyone has any that they would like to add just mail me and I will put it in ASAP. Afterall this site is all about visitor participation. haha. So, yeah, if you want, enjoy.

The worlds worst, and best, Chat up Lines.