So you hang out, you spend time together, you get to know one another VERY well.. see each other several times a week.. have several sleep overs.. things get very cozy and comfy.. and although the emotions are there.. and electricity flies when ever you are near.. there are still no 'strings' attached.. you keep your heart distanced, as best you can...
When you are together, things are perfect.. and when you part, things get rough.. or a small argument breaks out each time you're ready to leave one another.. then, within days, something happens and brings you back together again.. making you grow a little bit stronger than before.. but still the fear of attachment in the air.. still no strings attached..
Eventually, you begin to find yourself thinking about this other person quite often.. wondering where they are and what they are doing.. wondering if they're okay.. how their day is going.. wondering if they're seeing the same beautiful moon that you are at that particular moment in time.. and you realize, that no matter how hard you tried to stay distanced, you failed.. and man, did you fail.. you just couldn't stay detached..
You began to realize that this other person made you feel complete.. you realize that you can be yourself, for the first time in your life, and not worry about what they might think.. you realize that not only do you spend a significant amount of time with this person, but that this person has become a significant part of your life.. and still, you are hesistant to accept that feelings are real.. you don't acknowledge what is going on in your heart.. instead, you listen to your mind.. the rationalizations for not getting attached.. the fact that he's only temporarily in your area, that his home is another state.. many hours away.. and some day, he'll go back to that, and you'll be left here alone, to fend for yourself.. and you'll be left alone in heartache..
Then tragedy strikes close to home.. and you are separated from that person that you've grown so accustomed to spending time and energy with.. and as they are moved across that great ocean and out of reach you realize just how important that person REALLY is.. and you realize that your mood has changed, your person has changed, because you no longer feel complete without them by your side.. and you begin to understand what everyone else saw when they saw the two of you together, or when they heard you speak of the other.. you being to ache inside from the separation, from the longing to be near the other person.. to hear their voice, or feel their arms wrapped securely around you.. you miss the sound of the beating of their heart in your ear as you rested your tired head against their chest.. you miss the gentle breeze of their breath against your cheek as you slept, cuddled close to one another, all night long.. you close your eyes and you can smell them, almost as if they were right next to you.. and in your dreams you remember the passion, the electric shock, the complete chemistry between your bodies as you held each other close and gazed into each others eyes while making love..
and you finally realize
you are in love
9/30/01