through these tears

still I smile

masking a hatred

for this careless

shameless, hateful world

covering my desire

to end my existence

ignoring my hatred

for those whom I’ve loved

that have walked all over me

that have overlooked me

that have pushed me to the side

when something more interesting appeared

a suicide from the inside

slowly forces itself outward

hiding my hurt, my pain

my thoughts, my emotions

from anyone

and everyone

self absorbing my hurt

and that of everyone else

that I’ve ever cared for

that I’ve ever loved

that I’ve ever let peek inside

these blackened bloodless walls

that I call.. my heart

 

8/9/01