tear filled eyes

a mind of confusion

spinning out of control

I try to grab hold

I try to gather strength

I try to pave a path of sanity

in the center of all the unclarity

afraid to hold on

afraid to let go

afraid of everything

happiness surges through my body

joy fills my heart, my soul

but something inside of me

doesn’t agree with the emotions

that are flying all around me

within me

gripping me with deadly strength

what holds me back

what strikes fear within

what grips me and never lets go

this constant destruction

of any good I come by

eats away at my insides

picks apart my brain

rips into my heart

and I wonder why

allowing myself happiness

is such a difficult task

 

4/3/02